I think it's best that people just learn by doing.


***I tend to agree with this. Sometimes you learn more from failures than successes.*****

I find that a lot of people read the books, get profile reviews on what to write, and then come up with this awesome profile that has absolutely no bearing on reality when you actually meet them.

*** I tend to agree in some ways with this also. I think where the rubber meet the road is when the emailing starts and eventually the instant messaging because live conversations are hard to "edit". However I don't think following a "profile recipe" is totally bogus because if gets a reasonable introduction across it is ok if it is a bit formatted. Sadly many people totally miss the general audience they should/would want to write for because like job search skills it is not an often used skill that is often chucked once it serves it's purpose. ****

The worst profile honestly written is more reflective of their personality than something based mostly on the ideas of others.

*** This is especially true if a person has limited language and communication skills. Or in age appropriate profile writing. The profile a younger person is going to write would sound totally fake if they used terms that an older reader might find appropriate or in some cases inappropriate to indecipherable. I can usually spot military scammers right out of the box because they can't speak the lingo common to military members. ***

IMO too many people seek out advice and tips and tactics as a means to camouflage who they are in order to be who they think others want, not help express themselves more accurately.

*** Yea this can really be sad because eventually it backfires.***


Mostly they read some "good" idea and then magically believe it's true for them. ***Again sad.***

Kind of like people that go to web m.d., find a symptom and convince themselves they have the disease. ***LOL great analogy.***


What specifically did they tell you?

*** Well thankfully they hammered some of the basic social graces into my "Tom Boy " thinking

It is nice, definitely reduces the stress level, when you don't know the how too's to have at least had someone take the time to show you some things. Things like how to behave at some of the more formal settings. If you can at least make a reasonable showing in formal settings the more fun casual invitations often follow. Found it is always nice to have the "parents" accept your behavior rather than say OMG. lol

Luckily I also had some foreign cultural training to know some of the usual gaffs people accidently do; not meaning to offend. Cross cultural dating is a lot of fun and in America it pays to have and idea how to master a few things, like chopsticks for instance, or that it is always a good idea to take a head cover if you go to certain religious places.

Had the concept of courtesy and saying Thank You formally in writing drilled into me. While many have told me it was not necessary I have always found men find it very flattering to get a perfumed thank you note. Often they are insecure as how the first date went and the note more often than not directly motivates a follow up date.

And a small gift for a host is always going to leave a good impression if a guy starts out just thinking of you as a plus one. If and employer or parent says "Hey you got it right with that gal" it has influence with normal people.

I think one of the best advice I actually got about men was early on when my elderly neighbor explained that "work was love made visable" and I should not pout if the one had a humble dirty job that he went to work to do because you were much more blessed than the party boys that made all the dances or came over and sat on the couch pretending to pay attention to you because the working guy you had to sometimes wait on was going to be the provider/protector.

Thankfully I had a couple of brother's that told me some of the usual lies not to buy into from both sides of the gender divide. Like reputations proceed women as much a men.

They also told me not to over rate my "arse" as there was plenty of free so better bring other things to the dating scene and not drag out the process or they would get frustrated and move on. Something I find is very true in "mature" dating also.

They told me that the guy pays if he is a man and trying to pay is insulting to the good guys because they aren't "kids". Doesn't mean you can't reciprocate with football party now and then but you don't buy boyfriends. Not with gifts or sex.

That preggers would not lead to anything but a bad reputation and not a MRS. because there was always a "distant" job. That your baby hungry/preggar friends were just misery wanting company.

They actually told me that giving clear hints what would pleased me was a lot less grief than making them try to read minds if I wanted something besides guy activities.

Thankfully they even deciphered some of the nuances between "hootchie", take home to Mom, and what made you stick in their head. Not necessarily the same thing.


The only advice or coaching I was given was from 3 people.
My grandfather, my dad, and my mom.
"Always pay, open her door, and let her win."

*** I don't know if I think "Letting me win" would be endearing but I have no doubt that having my way occasionally doesn't hurt a guys "options".


"Go to the mall. Every woman you see ask if you can fondle her boobs. 99% are going to say no. You want that 1%."

***As crass as this sounds I think that is not bad advice. I am amazed at how many men whine and cry how they spend years in sexless relationships and they actually picked the woman who said no and meant it. I think there should at least be a little hint that no is sometime/ the foreseeable future be yes." ***


"Don't date unless you have something to offer. You should establish yourself, a career, make something of yourself first.

***I think this applies on BOTH sides of the gender divide 100%.***

Don't risk getting her pregnant unless you're willing to marry her."

***Or him. If he isn't Daddy material then be dang sure to keep your drawers up and stay sober because the light of the delivery room is a harsh way to find out what you "played" with turns out to be. ***


The only advice I can see relevant is the same you'd use for anything.
Listen, pay attention, conceptualize based on reason more than emotion. ***AMEN***

***So very true Eric. So very true. Many times people tell you exactly who they are but we hear what we want to hear and it gets us in all kinds of trouble/misery."


i think one of the best things that i ever learned was to actually listen. it is amazing where a conversation can go when you truly hear what the other one thinks

Yeah, that could only have improved matters!
Up until that point I hadn't really realised how important someone's voice is.

Indeed listening to what someone is saying... Part of staying in the moment.
Difficult to do