Hey, everybody! So, I had a quick question and maybe I could get some input on this. So, I recently just had my heart broken by means of break up. I had a friend of mine tell me that having casual and meaningless sex after the break up helps ease the pain. Is this true? I'm normally not one to do something like this, but one of my life's philosophies is to always try something new. What do you all think? Should I go for it or should I just naturally hurt and get over her with time?

I refuse to comment upon this for fear of Mingle Time Out Room...

*smh*

so i take it you don't agree? lol

that ease you speak of is only temporary.

the real pain removal comes with time, introspective thinking and tequila.

*gigglesnorting*

I was not going to be kind with my onslaught of comments..

some go that route
for awhile..some go that route for a looooong while

why? hmmmm to put some kind of closure on the last relationship
at least in their own mind

or as some kind of payback revenge tactic to throw in their ex's face
" look at the hottie I am with now"


or as some kind of validation on their own ability to attract someone

the ones who get stuck in a rut of doing this over and over
probably have some ongoing issues with not wanting to actually be
in a relationship for fear of getting hurt again

your always kind...

If you wanna go for it, go for it. But I think it's a lot smarter to work through the breakup.
You cannot suppress that pain. You can distract yourself for a bit maybe, but it'll have to come out one way or another. Best get it over with asap so you can really move on with your life as opposed to sticking your head in the sand.

depends on what she said during the breakup. if she said if you ever touch me again I'll cut it off. NO let it be. if ur heart is broken u must of thought a lot about her if it was just a disagreement yeah go for it.

I'd say sex as a MEANS to ease the pain is a bad idea,

BUT I think casual dates after a breakup are healthy, because it shows you there ARE other options out there, and if these happen to end in sex then so be it, as long as you are up front with not wanting a serious relationship at that moment.

but if all you're attempting to do is self medicate using sex probably not going to end well

Well I would be wondering about your friend. Because that kind of advice usually leads to more misery than it is worth. Sure it will give your friend a running buddy so he has and excuse to go hog wild pig crazy too (usually spending more of your money than his); or it will just make you look like a hound dog, which will get around the gossip mill really fast, and then you will be no competition for him or any of the decent guys. And it will give some of your not so great friends more ammunition to get in your ex's "graces/panties" by making darn sure she won't want you back.

Not all break ups turn out to be forever. Unless you do something really stupid. And "revenge screwing around" would definitely qualify in that category. Maybe you don't want her back. But what you don't want is to look like a fool for the Ex and cut your nose off to spite your face. And you Really don't want to tarnish your image advertising for sex because employers do go on the internet and they will think you are going to be walking wounded horn dog around their employees/customers which causes them all kinds of headaches.

Since the long view is rarely does anyone break your heart with out your permission, and participation, I would take a break from the chasing until I figured out what is broke about your selection process so you don't repeat your mistakes. Even if she did something rotten; you still picked someone who didn't part company with out shredding your feelings and that is something to figure out.

Your not exactly old father time yet but you are old enough to know better than to just chase around looking for hookups that will pick your pockets clean and probably break your heart another time or two.
And hear this loud and clear a woman who is into hookup sex is not just doing it with you and you are asking for T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

How about knuckling down and fixing up your new housing situation add a paying room mate; or even volunteer for Habitat for Humanity and find out if you qualify as a first time home buyer and get a real toe hold in your financial world, maybe adding some job skills, or focusing some of your energy on your education. Or even your family? I didn't look at your profile if you have kids or drinking or smoking issues but maybe you can fid positive things to redirect your "energy". I promise you not having a love life will not kill you.

Then when the heart mends a little you will have a whole lot more to offer the "Right" gal.

Instead of maybe getting mixed up with the wrong gal and ending up a Baby Daddy or messed up on things party animal lifestyle tend to bring home to roost. Or breaking a couple of innocent hearts that will make it hard to look in the mirror. So rant and fuss but be smart and regroup because you have put a target on your back the size of a washing machine.

Sorry for your loss. And a provisional welcome to Mingle. Here I hope you listen and you make good friends that can give you better advice than the silliness you are having suggested and actually clean up your act so you are fairly quickly settled back down to being a good guy.

maybe all women should just "give it up" right away after a man breaks up with another woman... that sure would help us guys out... think about that, ladies... some of us need some help here...

LOL And here is the same old tired line that he can be using when he is the same kind of "old" tired hound dog that would suggest that sort of thing.

Yep, when in doubt find a person you can use and toss aside. Works for me...

The solution to ANY problem, has to be tailored to the problem.

If the reason why you are unhappy is because you aren't having meaningless sex with someone you barely know, then having such will probably help.

If you are unhappy instead because the original person is gone, or because your plan to have a firm committed relationship with someone, then having meaningless sex will more likely feel worse.

This really ought to be obvious, if you think about it simply and honestly.

i think she does

It can be.

A breakup causes all sorts of negative and emotional mental trauma.

If you go out and bang someone your body will think you're trying to mate again and release the same chemicals that were released in your relationship.

Kind of like a defibrillator, or hair of the dog treatment, or methadone for a junkie to avoid such bad withdrawals.

The chase to try and get laid can focus the mind away from the broken relationship. Little different than focusing on work, friends, family, or a hobby.


Then why do it?


How about you try on a dress and see if anyone will pay you dollar bills to dance for them? Make some money, try something new, get some attention, expand your wardrobe, network.

That's something new.
...I assume...I don't know you.


Reestablish routines made before the relationship for a sure footing, don't jump off the deep end hoping the ensuing panic from "newness" will distract you from your pain.

i.e. exercise what works, don't shoot yourself in the foot to keep from feeling the chest wound.


Not if it's not normal to you.


That's not a guarantee.
For all I know you're the type of person that doesn't allow themselves to move on.

Hmm. I once had post-breakup sex, but i was the one doing the breaking upping, and it was she who jumped into my bed, so i can not comment.

But straight from the Gut, i would not recommend it, at least not immediately after the breakup.

Sure. Go out and do the "hit it and quit it". Go one step further and shag her best friend.....yay!!!! Cause that never causes problems. Trump in 2016!

Well, just because it looks like you're going to be single for a while now that doesn't mean that you have to become a monk and if you've got friends telling you that you're a free agent now and you shouldn't be moping over some ex when you could be out there taking advantage of your freedom it's their way of telling you that it's not that bad and probably better than saying that you're better off without her mate, although that's basically it. It's a step to moving on anyway.