Good Day, my friends of M2, well you guys made my last forum a huge hit & I truly valued all your advice to keep my new union with my girl loving & healthy, & longevity. Thank you again my friends, okay I want to talk about a subject that affects a lot of people in marriages & relationships today, I find it to be ridiculous & you will know why I said that. Okay, How many people male or female ever been in a position where you have to borrow money from your partner. Why, I asked that well because my newly Cindy needed a few dollars for whatever reason,( I hope its on trashy underwear..lol, but no...)
anyway, my dirty little mind...lol, she needed the money , now she later came to me after I insisted on letting me provide what you need
as your man. Now my Cindy is a strong independent woman who I guess she felt like taking help from a man would take her independence away , but I assure her I don't take that away from you, I just want to take of my girl. Again she gave in was so happy I was there for her. I smile and assure her " If you ever need cash or anything, let me know I got you baby, Okay!". She gave me a kiss & hug and everything was great again. Now Minions, the question is do you allow your mate to give you what you need or you refuse because your pride, your independence, your stubbornness, or your own thinking like" I don't want to come across a gold digger or what not?" Ladies if you ever gave your guy money or anything I want to hear specially from you ladies. Fellas, have you been in a situation where you gave your lady money or anything , you know I got to hear from yaw too.... Bottom line, Some people have different ways how they perceive borrowing & gifts. Me , you want to give me anything I'm always be open to accept....lol. But no serious, why as people sometimes so prideful. You know that saying" the proud before the fall". If you ever needed a little assistance its okay to ask, what's the worst thing can happen that person say no, well if that person loves & care for you the word no would be rare. I do understand some people feel uncomfortable asking love ones for assistance I get that believe me but I don't know I see its a simple problem to a simple solution. Maybe you the type too independent, too head strong" No I appreciated it but I'm okay" but you hurting & in need at least for that second. Are you the types of "Baby I love you but I need a man to give me anything". Are you serious, why refuse it besides if I'm in the position to give then take it so I don't have to worry about you hurting & some other guy giving it to you , you know not having that. Also when is it a time to begin asking for things in your marriage or relationship? Do you wait 6 months , a year, or right away? So, spill the hot tea all over my.....(Blog)...lol Get your mind out the sewer...lol.

Thanks Again we'll talk soon

I do answer all replies okay feel free to post.

Its different when a guy provides for a girl...compared to when a girl has to provide for a guy...for whatever reason.
I know this to be true.
Been there, done that. I did it because i had it in my head that is what you do for the one you loved...but if it gets to be a permanent mindset...you begin to lose the respect in between...it becomes a burden.

for guys, i know its a source of pride to be able to provide well for their ladies and family...As long as you dont encroach on her and hold it against her, there really shouldnt be any problem...unless, she is using the man for his money...

I'd love to have a guy provide for me...but i like it that i can be productive on my own as well.

it depends in NUMEROUS variables,

for example

frequency

amount

reasons

and last but not least BOTH partners personal level of responsibility.

I have no issues providing for my girlfriend, even when she had zero income and I was covering everything. ..and if she needes some extra cash, i had no issues giving it to her. But I did have issues doing the same for my ex...the difference i knew if my girlfriend asked, she actually needed it. My ex would just want extra spending money for fancy items we didn't need...and my ex asked OFTEN and EXPECTED it, and was angry if I didn't give it.

Actually that is what I think it boils down too, is what is expected and if you think her expectations are reasonable. If I think the expectations are reasonable, no problem, if I perceive those expectations as unreasonable then im not as willing

I don't understand why they both couldn't work and make their own money. Unless, they are married and providing for their new family and children, where they pool their resources together then. If anyone who is unmarried is asking for money in the relationship, red flag. Make your own money!

Mmm...you are right...asking for money..and providing it freely...are two different concepts...

I may be the wrong one to weigh in on this one.. I am fiercely independent where finances are concerned.

If it is 20 or 30 bucks, I might in a rare situation where I can't get to the ATM, but you can lay money down that I will be there in 24 hours to pay you back.

To take actual money to pay a bill, or to buy something frills or thrills it isn't going to happen.

If I needed money I would take out a loan first or tighten my belt to get my business done.


Now that I have roared at how independent I am...


I have to flip the coin and if I knew my guy was in financial straights that he didn't cause by mismanagement I would be the first one to offer to help... And would try to insist on helping him out once or maybe twice...I wouldn't do it more than that. I wouldn't want to it to become a habit...

So bottom line I guess is for you two to decide what works in your relationship.

I'm building a deck.. for a newly met lady friend... picked up the materials and dropped it off in her yard this weekend.. on the upcoming long weekend.. well she is at work on Friday I will come over and build the deck... now when we picked up the material... I was almost tempted to pay the. almost $900 for the material...
... I paused just long enough...
. to give her a time... to step in front of me at the till and pay the bill...

... now I might have paid the bill..
because.. building the deck was kind of my ideal... in a roundabout way..
we were sitting in her backyard.. she has a nice area that would accommodate a beautiful Sun Deck..
she mentioned she had planned.. on hiring someone to build a deck for her.... when I said I can do it.!.. really it wouldn't be a problem... it's a simple deck.. a days labor really..
... and she said she would pay me with kindness... ..
.. so anyways while we are at the till. at the Home Hardware store.. I almost paid for the material!... well..
because I kind of felt like maybe....
I.. talked her into it a little bit..
... but she assured me its not a big deal.. she can afford... to cover the cost of material... it was just the.. cost of hiring someone to build it which would have put her over her budget...

... and after all I figured I am building it for nothing.... well I am getting something.... A whole lot of something I hope... ..

. but I guess at the end of the day op.. it comes down to how well you trust them.. and if you're comfortable doing or lending them money or whatever.... if you can afford it why not.... and besides women are always very very grateful when you help them...




.

.

I've never had to borrow money.
Just underpants.


Personally, if someone, anyone (mom, sister, grandma, aunt), came and asked me for money I would want to know exactly what they were going to do with it.

But there is a difference between "oh, can I have a dollar for the vending machine? I only have 20's." vs. "I'm going to go back to school. Do you think I could borrow some money to cover tuition until my next paycheck or the student loan check clears?" vs. "wooooww...you know, I could really use some money, I don't know what to do.....I'm not asking! I'm not asking! I'm just talkin', just thinking out loud ta ma boyfriend...but...wooooow...I really wish I had like 1,000 dollars...I don't know where to get it...no....no....no....well, okay, since you insist, I swear I wasn't asking for any."


I would hope that I'm direct and honest with my "mate" and we work together on something, whatever the problem is I am asking money for.
Maybe a better solution doesn't involve money at all.
I, personally, would tell them how much I needed, what I needed it for, what I expected, and how/when I would get it back to them.

If it's money for something I immediately need (food, bail, medicine), I don't have pride.
If it's money for something that just makes my life convenient, for my image or lifestyle, then I have a lot of pride.


You know that's a misquote of "pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."
And really it doesn't mean as you are using it here.

Other than that, using it as you have, pride isn't a bad thing.
It gets you to bathe.
It gets you to use a toilet rather than crap yourself.
It gets you to get up and try again if you fail.


Because we aren't married and our finances aren't tied together.
Because I have no idea how this will complicate things.
Because I have no idea, sitting on the computer and not in the relationship, of personality and true motives.

Because of things like this

Are they nice to me because they feel they owe me something, or because they actually like me and want to be nice to me?
Are they nice to me because they are wanting to communicate niceness, or just, in a sense, paying interest?

If I am not in a relationship with them, if communication isn't that great, or if I don't know them, then I don't inherently know the answer to this.

Because it can easily turn what was a natural, organic, emotionally bonding reciprocal relationship into just a transaction based relationship.
I do things for her SO she does them for me.
Or they did something for me so I have to do something for them.
If either one of us refuses, then the other feels "cheated."
And then you get arguments like "well I did the dishes and vacuumed, I cooked for you and cleaned for you, now it's my turn to get what I want!"


That's not the worst thing that can happen.
The worst thing that can happen is that trust in the relationship erodes.

Ask any millionaire that dates someone and they start asking for money.


Of course just as easily she could realize "hey, if this works on one guy, it can work on another, and I'd have twice as much money!"

It's not good reasoning. Little different than saying "but we had sex everyday! So I don't understand why they cheated on me! They were getting enough at home!"


IME it's usually determined after you've figured out what the person is willing and does give, without it being paid much attention to or made a big deal of.
"Little things" as people call them that they do for you that you grow accustomed to you simply start asking for.

You find out what they're already giving, and ask for that.
If they aren't already giving it to you by the time you're in a marriage, or a relationship with healthy communication, then there's a reason they aren't.

To Pansytilly,

you absolutely right, it is a double standard when it comes to men in need than a woman in need....how can we break this thinking? I mean I was taught if you need something ask for it....but I see its not so easy in some cases......so what do you suggest?

to Isaac_dede, my new friend,

well my new friend let me answer your questions as best as I can
okay, not very frequently we both ask,
the most I ask my girlfriend $100.00 but I paid her back that same week. I paid with money & intimacy...lol.
the reason for me to borrow money from her I need new tires for my truck during the winter months you, know here on the eastern seaboard its snow like crazy.!

to lamwholam 1,

hi dear, well we both make our own money, but every once and a while me or her need a little assistance. its not using the other party I want to provide for my Ms. tell me more about how you perceive this.

To sitkarains the most beautiful minion today,

wow, that's how my Cindy is I very stable and independent myself. okay, like you said $20 yeah it shouldn't be a issue of borrow, $100 well It gets a little more inquisitive why you need it. $ 1000 okay, why you need this money when can I get that back.....? a million dollars okay you going to need a bank loan.......lol, I not remortgaging the house...lol

Unless married I personally don't feel it's right to ask for money.
I am independent and pay my own way.
He's not my sugar daddy nor do I want him to be.
My bills are mine to pay and his are his to pay
If we were moving in together I would make sure I have no dept.
If he asked for money I would want to know what it is for.
I refuse to pay drugs, drinks and smokes.
If I can't afford to go out I would be honest and suggest something else
I could be wrong in the way I think.

to no1phD,


well, I hope you certainly got that beautiful deck somewhat on its way to be built. Now, when you borrowed the money from your Ms. how did it make you feel? if you felt like it was no big deal, that's my point.....we should be comfortable enough to just ask when we need..

to my newly friend annierooroo,


good for you....gold star for you , I don't think I can finance any illegal drugs , prostitution, well, smokes, I don't have a problem with that like cigars or cigarettes. alcohol, well if its wine/ champagne, maybe, a 5th of whiskey or vodka....well I'm a born again Christian now but in my unenlightment days I would be like " Hell Yeah"....lol. but no, I see your point , you right that's a good theory of yours.

to ciretom,

well that's a lot to say.......
let just say I agree....lol

Wait. Did he say beautiful deck? Is that a play on words?

.. I think you misunderstood... I did not borrow any money it is her dick I am just building it for her..
You know I build a deck and she pays me in kindness

You have a heart of gold to help someone out.
Building a deck and was going to help someone else to move

it really depends on the status of the relationship. has to do with trust.

i dont normally like mixing money issues into any relationship.

if i need anything for emergency, i ask with full intent on returning the favor. if someone gives freely, without my asking and without expecting anything in return, i develop gratitude and a sense of "debt of honor"...it causes relationships to evolve.

in today's economy, earning power has become a matter of necessity (separately) for both genders. i like the fact that women can be financially independent, considering not all men are responsible breadwinners, but i am still conservative enough to recognize and appreciate gender roles on who provides what. i think there is wisdom in it, so i wouldn't want to be a hypocrite and call it as entirely a "double standard".