A real man's answer

I'd bake her a cake...

For me, it's has always been - "We need to talk". Unfortunately been used on me, more than the other way. But it cuts to the chase.

...and the problem is??????

She called him names and still hates him...is that it?? If it is, then it's all good for him. Why does he care if she hates him?

If it was you Goof who needed some advice, I would give you my own heartfelt 2 cents worth. As this post is about kind of a hypothetical, I will still give at least my 1 cents worth.

Please don't EVER breakup with someone over the phone, in a note or text. Always tell them in person and preferably NOT in a crowded place such as a restaurant, etc. Peeps need honesty and respect just like while you are IN the relationship.

Doing it by text, just seems a bit too easy. I'd only ever do this face to face. I hate the thought of having to do it, but you're only being honest. I wouldn't use any harsh nasty words. I'd try to be as courteous as possible while doing this.

Make it interesting! Tell her you just got a call and was told the secret code words (Diamond Armadillo) to break the mental programming. Your real memories came flooding back and you realized that you were married to another secret agent now held in Kazakhstan and you must leave immediately to rescue her! Tell her your twin brother knows nothing about your secret past but he will be hanging around the area so if she sees him, he won't recognize her!

Depending on how and where and when he broke the news to her, it isn't really his problem if she can't handle such things. Horrible for both, it ain't easy telling someone this, and if he/she goes ballistic, pfff... I think at that point I'd get angry/emotional too
But again, depends on the entire context of how, where, when.

I would NEVER ever suggest you could remain friends. THat is THE nr1 MOST lame thing to say when you lose someone you love. Extremely painful when you still want someone as a lover.

I think being honest, something 'like it doesn't work for me anymore'.
And a reason would be nice. Doesn't have to be overly detailed, but I do know a lot of women (dunno bout men) keep pulling their hair out for months, not knowing why the he|| he broke up with her. Knowing WHY does help to let go, accept. In the end.

I think it fair to talk to the person face to face and explain why it is not working any longer.

typically I just convince them that I am NOT good enough for them... Generally it doesn't take a lot of convincing lol

never mind that gif was waaaaaay too big

You can't go wrong with a text breakup. It's so simple.

Just T9 it and BAM!

Confronting it head on shows courage...and conviction.