I suffered a classic, common experience with this whole "change to please your partner" thing myself.

The woman I married, appeared to like or at least find acceptable, most of who and what I was. We dated for three years before marrying, in large part because from the beginning, she wasn't all that easy to deal with at all times, and neither was I.

After we were married, one by one, she began to demand that I stop enjoying my hobbies, stop spending my time on things which she previously claimed to enjoy as well, and even stopped enjoying the same kinds of intimacy we had had before.

Always, the clarion call was for me to make changes for the sake of the marriage, to prove my love through sacrifice, and to prove my metal as a man, by adhering to her wishes. Eventually, I was quite literally pushed out of all but a few square feet of my own house, and my possessions were stored in the garage.

I myself was simply the last item of me which she concluded had to go, in order for her life to be as she always wanted it to be.

I learned the hard way that changing for the sake of your mate, is a very tricky business. I wont do it so readily ever again, even if that results in my remaining alone, because I know now that there's no point. It really is true, that a person can't buy love, in any way. And that certainly includes denying oneself, in hopes that they can "become" what the other desires.

thanks igor. personally i think, though nothing stays the same and growth is change. that to knowingly change to meet someone else's expectations or for the sake of "THE" relation ship is just plain wrong.

there is a huge difference between changing as a couple
or changing as you grow and mature


and changing because the one you are with is telling you to do it as some kind of proof of your love

Change is a constant thing in this world. People change according to how they adapt to a situation or any experiences in life that affects their behavior on how to deal with reality. Every individual have their own way of coping up with any existing conditions , they may easily adapt and make adjustment, or tolerate things and others just don't have the capacity to endure a certain circumstance in in all aspects of life thus resulting to self destruction or ruining any relationships. Some are passive or apathetic, they just don't care , totally disconnected with their surroundings. So for a relationship to work out, both parties should have proper communication, understanding and acceptance of every individual's differences in behaviors and must have willingness to make a compromise or change in any way without force or control to make the relationship work out.

I feel this statement should be the main focus.

"It's like we're supposed to be searching for that perfect compatible person that you wouldn't change anything about, or it's no good. But here's a newsflash. You can't act like you did when you were single when you get into a relationship."


All I expect is integrity and respect as you would want me to give to you.. if you cant do that, incompatibility issues will surface real fast.