OK here's the situation, (please no DJ jazzy Jeff and the fresh prince remarks) was talking to a gal that I met earlier today on here. I told her upfront what I was looking for, aside from what I stated on my profile which was a long term relationship that could turn into more.

I think I scared her away. Was I too hasty to say that? I wanted to be honest

nope. she wasn't

OMG you didnt tell her you were a nice guy did ya?,,,woman freak on that,,
I always tell them i rob banks for a liven,,chicks dig that chit,,,

Darn, you discovered my secret

It's best to be upfront.

That was what I was trying to do, but as I said I think it blew up in my face

no it was wrong from the start . you didn't break it.
see the difference?????

I guess I do see the difference. Better to find out now than later on I guess

good then take a breath and relax.
now come join in the forums and let the real ladies get to know you

What you can say to a girl after a couple of weeks is NOT what you can say to a girl at first. You have to get to know each other before the fart jokes come out!

exactly

Take a deep breath grasshoppa....
You couldn't have blown something that wasn't, to be successful in life whether it is online or in person you have to be who you are. You appear to be a bit more on the serious side. Which is fine it is who you are..
Being honest is the best thing to be.


I do have to agree with Nascar...One huge mistake is to tell someone you are a nice guy, because honestly if you are really a nice guy it will show it doesn't have to be said.


Keep being who you are and the right woman will come along.. I do hope you aren't rushing it and expecting the long term relationship to happen over night that might be a bit of a problem. That happened to me a few years ago and scared the hell out of me and I ran...

Best wishes out here.

If someone asks me a direct question, though, I will give a direct honest answer. I think too many guys tell me things that they think I want to here, but don't mean it.

I realize that long term relationships don't happen over night, if they did I would be suspicious. I made it clear and still do now, that down the road I am wanting a serious long term relationship with the hopes of it leading to more. Seems hard to grasp sometimes. I expect it to take time, just don't want that person to wonder wtf when after a good deal of time goes by that I am popping the question

I think the more you rely on internet forums and strangers, to give you advice, to judge whether or not you did the "right" thing, the less you are actually being yourself, and the more you are trying to get others to take responsibility for you.

There is no "right" way to do this, but there are a lot of "wrong" ways.
There is no way you can do anything in dating that will guarantee you are successful.

That is why there is the advice "be yourself."
Not because that way leads to success, you will not be rewarded for being yourself.
Being yourself causes the least amount of stress and mental anguish, being yourself means you don't need to put forth the effort or maintenance of a facade, or the effort or energy to change a facade if it seems unsuccessful.


Maybe.
What if she was scared off based on her own insecurities?
What if it had absolutely nothing at all to do with what you said, but your picture instead?
What if she only started talking to you because it was her lunch break, she was online, and bored, and then just disappeared when she was done?


Who knows.
1. Prove you scared her off.
2. Prove she was scared off due to anything you said.
3. Prove what you said actually scared her off rather than was simply used to validate her desire to reject you for other, possibly shallow or "bad," reasons.

Without that it's pure speculation, filling in her motives with your fears.


There is no "better."
If you start believing this (better now, than later) what generally happens is you start looking for a persons faults immediately, right now, handed to you. And then you start putting all sorts of things in your profile trying to weed people out immediately...which repulses people universally.


It's not "best" to be upfront.
IME when people say or believe "be upfront" what they are saying is "I am a walking bundle of nerves. I only have my fears on my mind. I can't have a normal conversation. I have to ejaculate why I'm scared on you to test you to see if you'll accept and commit to me now now now. And I don't really want to think. I just want you to directly communicate everything I might find relevant for a long term decision in as short amount of time as possible."

In practical reality, people that are "upfront" are really boring.
Most of humanity has conversations, and are adaptive to conversation, able to enjoy the moment or time together without having their fears and problems taking up most of their thoughts.


IME this is usually taken the same way as a drive thru at a McDonald's.
"I want a #2 with cheese, super sized, and a side of the relationship I'm looking for, please."
Implied in that is you want something from them, and you want it hot and ready now, guaranteed to be waiting for you when you pull up to the window and can see it.
A big bundle of need and appetite.

If you use internet dating to shop for a relationship, you will always be unsuccessful.
If you use online dating simply to meet and talk to people it doesn't really matter if you are unsuccessful at finding a romantic relationship.
If you really have no desire to meet and talk to people, then you aren't really looking for more than just immediate emotional or mental gratification.
Then I'd suggest hiring an escort, or minimizing the profile and just haunting forums.

Actually if it goes that long she should know the question is coming...

Glad somebody is willing to explain a bit. Didn't need the wall of text flame that essentially said be a liar and don't say how you really are