What are your thoughts on someone you have only emailed with asking to meet you for coffee then once you are in line they say.. "oh I will treat" if you are not even reaching for your wallet or purse?< there was a person ahead of us in the line> curious.. was I asked out then expected to pay for it? that is how i kinda took it.. I was polite and just said oh thank you that is very nice of you.... Im really not sure if that should of even been mentioned as we were standing in line? i can see this being said before i agreed to go for the $2.10 coffee but in line? I spent my date with scattered thoughts thinking about this.. was i supposed to say "oh no....I can pay for my own" or "oh no, I can pay for our coffee" not sure what to think about this...

If I ask someone over for dinner... I do not say when I am starting to cook it " Oh I will cook this for you" lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Is that not the same?

If I was the invitee, I would say 'Thank you' and assure him/her that the next meeting would be arranged by me and then it would be my treat.

This would make him understand that he had to pay now as it was his invite.

Sounds innocent enough.
He was being reassuring.
He does not have great timing :-)

that is what i thought... and i did thank him when i left as well.... and in an email when i got home.. it was just kind of strange for me.. made the whole thing awkward for sure. it could of been innocent and bad timing or maybe that is just the way he is...for me though honestly it was kind of a turn off..

Wow. you mean he paid for both of your coffees.... he must have been saving up for something.. maybe he took on a paper route... after his normal work hours.. just so he could take you out for coffee.. on him..lmao..
Omg.. it is just coffee.. I always pay..
.... when it becomes weird .. for example... I meet the person..
we get in line we started chatting..
.. I order my coffee I say to my guest..
what are you having.. I got this one don't worry about it... then they go OK... I'll have a mocha nonfat latte...
the soup of the day.... a turkey sandwich on whole wheat... hold the mayonnaise...ohhh.. and are those Biscotti's fresh... if so can I have four of them..... and can you give me a bacon and lettuce sandwich... on brown bread but wrap it up to go I will eat it later tonight.......lol..
.. OK at that point I get a little bit like..
.oookkk..... so glad you are paying for dinner next time...lol

IME on most first dates and meets the majority of the conversation is going on in the head rather than the lips.

More than likely he was unsure of what you were thinking, what you were expecting, of what was going on in your head.

Men, in general, when they shop, they go into the store, and go directly to what they want to buy. They get it, take it to the checkout, and then leave the store.
It's why stores put all the men's stuff in the back. To force them to shop.

Men, in general, work out logistics on fulfilling that goal. Go to this place in the store, item is located there, in this type of box, this is the route to the front, pay with cash or credit card, this is what it will cost.

Standing in line he was probably working through the process "order coffee, pay clerk, pick up coffee," on some level.

You are on a date, he has to integrate you into the logistics.
So, he incorporates you into the plan.

If he is cold and calculating then it sounds like he's aloof, distant, weird, uninterested. That will drive you away.
He doesn't want that.
So, put some socially trained interaction into it.
"It's my treat," sounds better and offers a reduction in the stress of the process more so than "Am I paying? Are you paying? What do you want to do? What's the logistical process? If I pay, what do you think? If you pay, what do you think? If we go dutch, what does that mean? I need the information in order to make the plan."


No.
You were informed of a decision he made because he didn't get enough information from you about what was expected of him or what was going on.


Men don't generally enjoy that.
Having scattered thoughts.
They want a plan. Linear thinking.
They want decisions so they can move forward.
If they start having scattered thoughts they have a tendency of either becoming crazy and just following their emotional impulses as a means to ignore the scattered thoughts, or pushing them away and focusing on one thing to make a decision and forge a path.
Even if it doesn't really make sense to the current situation.

You ever hear the saying "even a bad decision is better than no decision at all."

Honestly I think you are way over thinking this... I have had that happen, and well I just thank them or if I am bothered by them buying my cup of coffee then I say oh no dutch the first time around. No biggie..

If there is an issue here I honestly thing it is from you...

I mean it was a meet and greet nothing more.. A meet and greet is to put a face to whom you are chatting with and to decide if you want to date. No biggie.. I have found when people start to over think things is when things go wacko..

quote]f I ask someone over for dinner... I do not say when I am starting to cook it " Oh I will cook this for you" lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Is that not the same?
Not even close... Do you invite strangers into your home?? Nope ...

^^^ Nail on the head. He just jumped the gun. Should have waited until you reached into your purse to say, "Please, can I get this?" The timing makes it feel awkward but the intention is the same.

Okay, how picky can ya get?

Guy says "I'll meet ya for a coffee".

In line he says, "I'll get these".

He's trying to be nice. What's the problem?

Honestly I have always told them straight up front before meeting it's a dutch thing on the first meet..

And I have had a meet at the coffee shop I got there prior of them getting there and got my own.. then when they got there I told them sorry I went ahead and got me something since I was a little early.. go a head and get yours and then show them where I'm sitting..

Now if there is another meet I will offer to pay for mine if they say no I will offer to leave the tip at least.. And go from there..

It just sounds like to me if you were in front of him inline he just wanted you to know before you ordered he was paying...

That is why I make it clear in e-mail it's a dutch thing so there is no confusion...

.. and besides guys out there.. when have you ever gone on a meet and greet... and the woman picked up the bill...lol... that's like seeing a unicorn..lmfao

over thinking
he found interest enough to offer you a cup of coffee
its not like he bought you a car

i would just say thank you : ) and would not have had another thought about it


timing could have been better
maybe he was captured by your beauty and was not thinking right
maybe was an off day for them
<shrug>

being human sucks sometimes : )

best wishes to you

Gee and now you wasted your first 'MEET & GREET' by being so distracted by his act of chivalry towards his female guest!
No wonder men think - fear us females so strongly

Don't you think that he could feel - see that you seemed...rather vague about what he was saying?
Yipper - I agree with the consensus --- you're over thinking that event and now I'd be asking for a 're-run' and make him the center of your attention - PAY ATTENTION TO THE MAN.

GOOD LUCK with whatever you do!

No, its not really the same. Maybe he was just trying to save you from a possible awkward moment on the check out line by reassuring you that he was taking care of it. I would have most likely asked he if she would also like a pastry or something as we stood there in line. That sends the same message.

I wouldn't give it a 2nd thought

You got that right.

Start finding the unicorns gentlemen I have several times...
Really simple way to handle it. Arrive early talk to the server a head of time and let them know no matter what you want the tab... So when meet and greet is over bill is taken care of. I have done it many many times

If a man asks me out?I.assume he will pay and I will leave the tip or at least offer

duuuhhhh,,he was just letting you no,,

For every woman who will even make an attempt to get out their pocket book when the the waiter lays the check on the table there are about a bizilion who will sit there with a deer in the headlights look on their face.