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| Topic: DEFINITION OF A REAL MAN AND REAL WOMAN | |
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hi
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hmmm. how many confuse fantasy with reality?
I think this leads to so many dysfunctional relationships |
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ahhhhh then she is not truly being honest with what she wants she is saying what she thinks she is supposed to say as an empowered independent woman what she might really mean is I was a dependent woman once upon a time in a relationship or in my first marriage and I did not like having to ask permission anytime I wanted to go the store or get my hair done he was the major bread winner the power in relationship was not equal though I liked that he paid for the meals when we ate out liked that he paid the bills I did not like feeling at times as if he were the one in control I now have my own career, my own money, my own car, phone .. I am now "independent" and I like how that feels...but yet there is a very traditional part of me that still pops up when it comes to relationships I cannot seem to help it when I feel like he is rude if he does not open a car door for me or hold the door when we walk in the restaurant..and I tend to think he is a tight wad if he does not offer to pay then there are men who like to talk about the emasulation of men in our society and when you speak to them of their past relationships..often turns out that once upon a time he was giving, nurturing, vulnerable and got burned for it along the way and now hides behind walls to maintain his self-preservation not accusing you darling just saying people are funny 
I think the problem lies mainly in that these things can never TRULY exist in conjuction, what I mean by that is "equal power" and "traditional expectations" in order for equal power to exist equal expectations should exist as well, because if not then all that happened is you shifted the balance of power from him to you. it's the same as if I said I want a strong independent women, but a traditional part of me pops but in relationships that i can't help that feel a women should stay home and raise the kids.....the two can't coexist, someone is going to have to compromise, either the women on her career or the man on his belief. it can't be that one person in the relationship is always 'determing' when tradition is appropriate and when it is not, if that dynamic exists then that shows where the 'power' actually lies. now here comes the rub, biology has most women wired to be attracted to 'powerful' men. ever notice that most female office affairs are with a manager, a supervisor, a boss?...rarely do you hear about a female having an affair with her male secretary. so what we have now is a society, where the balance of power in a relationship has shifted from men to women, but now that they are 'in charge' per se they find themselves no longer attracted to their SO, 'he has no backbone, he won't stand up for himself, I've fallen out of love with him,' it's no wonder the divorce rates have skyrocketed I agree to his point! What defines a real men are not so simple as gender roles, anymore, and what attracts woman are the same reasons they complain about it. If he is a man he should fit your wish list and be more, but the same list contradict everything that they fall for in a man... |
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I think T Mommy is spot on accurate in her answer. After all the question is by construction directed towards an audience that is primarily American, and thus by definition egocentric and sociologically self-preoccupied. Thus most answers are going to fall within a narrow and predictable range between ... "Ugg, I'm the real man hear me rattle my shield and sword", and "Ooh, I'm a princess, and yes you can look under my dress." What is really being asked is what are the two sides of female and male identity found in our culture. The answer is ... in all of us. Peace!
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WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF A REAL MAN AND A REAL WOMAN? I feel that a man should possess these fine qualities: kind, generous, protector, strong, respectful, caring, provider, confident, calm and grounded, faithful, considerate, patient, attentive, understanding and a pleaser.
I feel that a woman should possess these fine qualities: nurturing (family nurse), attentive, patient, intuitive, caring, resourceful, sociable, personable, cool under pressure, versatile, super intelligent to run the family finances. If you read about millionaires or successful people, the matriarch is in charge of the family finances. Which qualities do you seek in your mate? What defines to you a real man and a real woman? Any man is a real man, and any woman is a real woman; and that is for the simple reason that there is no such thing as fake men and women, therefor all men and women are real. Everything else is clich� or stereotyp!ng. Simple as that. All the qualities you quote aren't typical gender-related qualities, but individually related ones, undependent from gender. That is the first lesson a young person should learn, in order to socialize among their peers without problems: learn to take everyone the way they are, and don't judge. It's a hard thing to do, but it is necessary. |
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