How do I let go of a marriage that seemed to be all lies. Separated and wife is dating another guy but doesn't want to admit it

hey man , im going thru same **** after 20 years married its hard to let go and she is alrady screwing around but she say they are just friends , sure.

theres the door ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ >
exit and don't come back

worked for me at least
told her i wanted a devorce
unfaithfull was a deal breaker for me
was a waiste of 13 1/2 years
<shrug>
we live and sometimes learn
not saying it was easy
but if you dont want a lady that does it then end it , move on

best wishes

My relationship is the same, all lies. They will never confess anything because it's all about them. They are users, that's why they lied in the first place. Why don't you find someone better and have an affair, stop doing the things she likes... until she divorces you.

Would it bother you if you were already seeing someone else? Nope. So fake it til you make. Ignore her new life and concentrate on your own. She's not worried about you like that, I guarantee it. But if you are feeling spiteful, try and make sure your first girlfriend is half your ex-wife's age (provided your ex-wife is older than 36)

10 years married. He lied. No proof he cheated, but i suspected. He got uglier, and uglier, screaming, veins popping, throwing, spitting, smashing things, blacking out. Then, HE KICKED MY DOG! I knew I'd a busted him up if I'd seen it. I also knew I was probably next, then one of us would have een near to dead. No 5,284.93rd chance. Out, gone, take your crap, don't let the door hit you on the way our, remember my .38 revolvor. no regrets or second thoughts. He hurt the dog because she loved me. No touchy animals, no touchy kiddos. Bye-bye. That dog adored him, too.

No, it's never easy, a lot of things die when you go through a divorce. Dreams, hopes, trust...

Well by making your mind up to quit tracking what your soon to be Exwife is doing. She is making it clear she isn't coming back and why would you want her if you are still married and supposedly you are just separated; that is cheating any way you look at it. You deserve better. Even if you messed up; two wrongs don't make a right. Time to move on.

Bashing and Ex on social media makes you sound like she had cause to leave you and needs a boyfriend around to protect her so harsh as it sounds; Grow up, Shut-up, and be the Bigger person. Nobody cares what your Ex wife did or is doing. What people care about is if you can Man up and move on.

Part of that is realizing the only thing worse than being in a bad marriage is being in a bad marriage one more day. Sometimes you just have to face facts. The worst lie will always be the lie you tell yourself once you know better. Give yourself a break; now you know better and can do better. No shame in that.

But if you are out; BE OUT. You turn off her number on the cell phone, you block her on your computer, you stay away from where you know darn good and well she is going to be, and you tell the rat bastards that are torturing you telling you what she is doing especially friend/family that you don't need them in your life if all they are going to do is rub salt in your wounds. Friends like that you don't need enemies.

If you got kids you make Mom a non-subject and focus on being the best single parent that ever existed. You can get the information you need about your kids from the source; your kids, their doctors, their teachers ect. and make the decisions that need to be made by yourself. You don't need to talk to the Ex really for any reason if you set up fixed visitation. She drops them at the curb or at a licensed daycare. Your house is your house . You make the rules there and You meet their needs there. Heck if you can't act like grown ups and leave the boyfriends and girlfriends out of it drop off/pick up from the Family Court office or the Police Station believe me the drama will stop real fast.

If you have to put in for a job transfer and move out of the area to not keep tripping over each other do it. You can not move forward if you keep looking backwards.

You have shared expenses; cut your losses and sell off or walk away. There is no single possession on this earth worth living in misery fighting over it. If you got it once you can get it again or you really don't need it.

Then you face you are going to feel a little like walking wounded and you grieve it for a reasonable time and move on. Wallowing in regret is just wasting the blessing of life and future for a past you can not retrieve.

Then you try to work on something that will improve who you are so you can feel good about yourself. It can be your health, learn a new skill, go somewhere you always promised yourself you would, get some counseling, or get a second job to earn money to pay off bills or do something that will improve your future. You are free now so the only thing that can hold you back is you. No excuses. No pity. You make your own reality.

P.S. Do yourself a favor and swear off drinking for the next year and give yourself a year off dating. It will not kill you to give up either. You can't get out of the skillet if you are jumping into the fire. And in a year your head will be on a lot straighter and you won't mess up anyone else's life or repeat your same mistakes because you will have time to figure out what got you into this mess.

Ask yourself this. Am I willing to risk picking up something that I can not put down. If you are , stay and play the game. If not, do what you already know you should do. Walk away and never look back.

Find inner strength & let her go. Women can find the perfect Man but they will still f**k around & then they go on about this & that about men .....Shutup

Wow. Thanks to everyone for the advise. Everything said makes alot of sense. The only thing I need to do is be a father to my son. Moving forward and not looking back seems to be the best thing to do. Thanks again everyone for making sense of my situation. One thing I've learned is the "nothing is forever"

Remember, the kids are the ones it will affect the most. They're the one's that need your attention more than anyone. I know you're probably grieving for your marriage right now. That's natural. Even for couple's that never got married. It feels like someone died. Don't ever let it get to the point where you stop all personal hygiene, don't starve yourself, don't drink yourself into oblivion, don't tidy and clean your home. As doing those things, can become habit. I've seen it happen to others. It's upsetting to see people abandon themselves. They usually end up needing help. Saying that, some have mental illness, so it only adds to the problem. You're lucky that you've got children.

I never understand that attitude from people. It's very pessimistic, and rather daft to do that to yourself too. It's basically punishing yourself for a relationship not lasting.
No relationship is a waste. If you look at it as a waste, you just discarded about half of your adult life. Now THAT is a waste!
Every relationship had it's good things as well as bad things. You gotta take the good stuff, learn from the bad. Then you'll see it's not a waste at all.

Accept that it will take time. After you've tied the knot, you tie an awful lot of knots in day to day life. Knots concerning intimacy, love, but also about how you as a couple divide chores, share fun times etc etc.
You can also call these knots 'routines'.

When you split up, you got to untie each and every one of these knots, you have to find your own routines in life. That just takes time.
So accept that it takes time, that it isn't going to be easy. Usually takes a year to sort of find your feet again. Prepare to have a difficult year, but know that each day you get closer to being healed, to being ready to open your heart again.

Move on its not worth it

Sorry to hear this. It's not something that anyone wants to feel when this happens to themselves. Betrayal. Ownership. Loyalty. Love. All to have new boundaries set with that ex lover now. It is difficult and know that it could take years. Be observant of your emotions and control yourself and know that your true friends do know how much you are hurting. My sympathies.

By focusing on getting a finalized divorce?


If you can't let go of the marriage, why would she admit she's dating someone else? That seems like it would just cause a lot of drama and arguments and take focus away from getting the divorce.

And if the marriage was all lies, why would you expect her to tell you the truth about dating someone else?

A relationship ends and we do go through a 'grieving' process. It's normal. This is where you take time out from jumping into another relationship we're NOT the same person as when current relationship began .. time out to get re-acquainted with the 'new' you so you're on 'steady' feet for a new relationship.

Right now focusing on being a good father is and excellent first step. Don't go over board. You kid does not need the weight of carrying dear old Dad by being his whole life. Sure be a real Dad (not Disneyland Dad) but have fun and be supportive about the changes in his life; set the example that no a lot of things you will not have control over in life but you can ride it out together. Listen and share whatever coping skills you can fine tune to get you through.

I am kind of stunned you would say "nothing lasts forever". Is that the life premise you want to live by? Yea your life has taken a one eighty and something you thought would be one way is now very different but one relationship is not your whole life. So an awful lot is still in tact. Might want to focus on what you have instead of one small thing you don't.

Especially since what you had what was fun and good and did get you this far. Is something only valuable because you have it today or tomorrow? How truly void would your life be if what existed for the time that it did had not existed at all?

Maybe your soon to be Ex is not being a real hero at the moment. But for a time you picked her and there had to be some good reasons behind that. And I am sure quite a few rewards or you would not be squalling how the current situation sucks rocks. Sorry I truly doubt it is just the precious child you brought into the world. So be mad she is taking some of it away in the future but at least be grateful that you had while you did. Might take a while but you should thank her for what she did give you. Believe me the people who have never loved and lost would GLADLY trade shoes with you.

Will remind you how Our words and actions teach our children? Have any idea how that will sound to your child's ears? Kids have a sometimes heartbreaking way of making us eat our words or at least wish to the stars we could take them back. They also have a way of blaming themselves for not being able to fix grown up problems. You really want to teach your child that nothing is forever? Should he fear his Mom will not love him? His home will not still be his home? Granted he may now have two homes but you have a responsibility to make him have both homes be as healthy/peaceful/safe as you can make them. You make him miserable about his Mom and who ever she brings in his life you are torturing your child every bit as much as her actions. So you swallow your pain/pride and make him feel secure in both.

Keep in mind when you say what you say that he will believe can't have life long friends? That he can't find someone to love him that will stick around. That you are going to stop loving him? I doubt you would ever want to plant those fears in his little heart. If you can't believe for yourself at least believe for him.

I don't know bout the half age girl, but I'm glad you said that he's not thinking of me the way i think of him. You're right. Forget what he could be doing, he doesn't have interest in what I'm doing. His mixed signals are keeping my mind under his control. I can block his number so i have to leave him alone...