I did not grasp the meaning of .. spare the rod spoil the child.. until I had my own children..lol.... correcting bad behavior as it happens is important..
.... but degrading and humiliating your children in public..... never a good idea..... I see it every now and then... mostly at Walmart for some reason..lol.... a mother going off on her child.... a little pat on the bum or slap on the wrist is fine..... but when you're dragging your child across the department floor...nooooo....
then it is time as a citizens to step up and say..
HEY CRAZY PERSON THAT IS A HUMAN BEING...
. NOT YOUR PERSONAL PROPERTY..... and in my best Robocop impersonation.... STEP AWAY FROM THE CHILD... AND YOU WILL NOT GET HURT..LOL

.

.

the majority of the time this doesn't happen. if a child hits an adult they get an extra consequence.

think long run. if a child doesn't learn limits is this the future adult who will be taking a swing at a cop?

I will do what I can to learn other ways of teaching my child, there are books out there for this. I don't know everything yet, my daughter is only 10 months. But I remember what violence taught me, not to respect or trust authority. I mean maybe that's good though lol.

in the sense of the law,, they are your property as you are held legally responsible for them,,,



if the child is not being beaten with fists and kicks, I believe citizens should mind their business

children don't always go WILLINGLY towards their consequence,,,

especially if they know they can pitch a fit or bully you into conceding by refusing to go,,,

now if they are screaming that its not their parent or a stranger, please step up,,

every child is different

I learned that my parents would do what they said they would do which REINFORCED my trust

I also learned that different actions have consequences of different severities

I also learned that choices have consequences, and how to choose wisely when I know the potential consequence,,

I cant emphasize enough that not all children react to the same things,, there is no one size fits all approach

it irks me for people to judge parents for spanking, just as much as it does to judge them for choosing other methods

only the parent knows THEIR CHILD and what benefits them most,,,

Should husbands also discipline their wives? I've heard arguments for this as well.

....wow.. citizens minding their own business.... I would never thought I'd hear that coming from you..... and I mean that in the nicest way possible.... ..
... but when you abuse your children in public.... you step over that fine line... it becomes every citizen.. business.... after all you are out in public... there are rules ethics to follow.... Human Rights extend to children...yes... I'm not talking about the pat on the bum with a slap on the wrist..... you know the parent that I am speaking of... the one that has no respect for herself or anybody around her including her children...
... Jmo..

.


.

But we can all agree that it's hard to be a single parent. I miss having a life even more than I miss sleep.

I do think I better not become a pushover to my daughter, or she will abuse me! There needs to be an equilibrium. Like now when I hand her a little bear she will drop it off the bed and onto the floor so I will pick it up, she is so abusive..

I think you make perfect sense. yeah as parents I think we can hold a balance. Bottom line, being a good parent doesn't come with a hand book or a parent of the year trophy. so all that to say we have to do what we feel as necessary for our kids future to be successful. We don't want to fail our kids by just thinking one dimensional by just being our children friend without your parental role. Wow, I'm really learning a lot from all.....

I know right...why its always a Wal-Mart.....lol. But no, I don't want to make fun of that situations because that's not my ideal of parenting. The loud cussing & humiliation of the children.

LOL no husband can't do that either Estelle79....lol

Remember " MsHarmony" in one of my replies to another person I said I don't judge any parent that do spank. I don't do it but you right love it is about each its own. okay, its no right or wrong responses with me. I love all of you who share my forums, that's why I call you guys my "Opinion Minions". So, its okay. Also remember I mentioned I was rodded. But today I choose another way of correction & it works for my young. I understand life isn't always black & white or Peaches & grapes. Sometimes, life can be rotten fruit.....lol.

For "Dreamerana" Hi, thank you for your reply . You know, you right we've talked about the public but what about privately at home excessive scolding or parenting. Hmmmm, what's your thoughts about that again.?

only in a culture where the husband is held legally culpable for the wifes actions,,

or when its consentual

otherwise we assume the adult wife is aware of the concept of choice and consequence,,,

and that the husband has the option to LEAVE THE WIFE,, if he doesn't approve or thinks she is doing wrong,,

I agree with this, I just don't agree that 'dragging' them is abuse if that is the only way to get them to move,,, perhaps trying to carry them kicking and screaming seems more humane but many don't have the health or strength to do so,,,

if I witness actual abuse(as opposed to disciplinary spanking or even 'dragging' to get them to move)

If I witness an open handed slap , or a fist, or a kick,, I will certain step up,,

yes, children are created by two because I believe raising them is meant to be AT LEAST a two person job

any alternative is gonna be harder and have more obstacles and challenges involved

children start early learning how far they can push people, that goes for everyone they encounter,,,,

that's why you see in some families one parent might beg and pleadto no avail and the other just gives a look and there is immediate response

its not her being abusive, its just her learning your boundaries....and they are as important to set as it is to set them a regular bedtime or a healthy diet,,,,,, all part of their growing and learning process

These are good points but to explain my point, I believe children are born with everything already, just like women have a mind of our own (although men didn't used to think so), so do children. And we can't punish them for it. Well, we can, but it's wrong to do so. Well, who cares about that even, it won't do a thing to teach them anything valuable.

my thought is not so much scolding, but teaching and communication. and natural consequence.
a very simplified example:
a child spills their drink because accidents happen. scolding: what the hell is your problem?! are you stupid?! why don't you watch what you're doing?!

natural consequence: show him (it's usually my little nephew) where the mop is and paper towels. make him responsible for his mess. show him where to set the glass not so close to the edge of the table. finish your food so you can go play outside.


taking the opportunity to teach the child as the occasion arises.
last weekend I had my 12 year old niece, 7 year old nephew and 5 year old nephew.
we were practicing softball and talking mess. just having fun. the 7 yr old told my niece if you miss this one, you're lunchmeat. I asked what kind. he said bologna. she said she prefers to be sliced turkey. ok. went on playing. then the same one said if you miss this you're .... (it was a racial slur he'd heard).
I said ok. time out. instead of yelling at him or scolding, I asked do you know what this means. he said no but I heard it at the park the other day.
so I explained that it's a very disrespectful word about a group of people. we talked about respect for everyone and about how it's not ok to do things just because others do it. about not saying things if you don't know what it means.
the 5 year asked does this mean you'll kick our butt if we say that again.
I said absolutely because now you know better

I understand that too, but they wouldn't need parents if they knew everything already

they need to be taught,

punishment isn't about having a mind of their own, its about correcting the things their mind has not yet had experience to realize the consequence of,,,,

and dream here are absolutely teaching moments as you gave examples of,, but not every situation is a teaching moment,, some are just pure pushing of boundaries when they already have been taught,,,

which in turn calls for an escalated consequence,,

only when dinners late... or late getting that damn beer...