When you love someone, you got to accept him/her as is. I guess we've all experienced that this isn't always easy, esp. when the pink clouds dissipate and normal life kicks in.

What if you're partner has something that requires a lot of attention. Up to the point that he regularly may have to cancel time with you because "something has come up".
I'm not talking about another lover, but i.e. work, or a hobby that eats up a lot of time.

So basically when the pink clouds have gone, it becomes clear that you and your relationship are not nr 1 and never will be. He/she does love, you know that as well. You're just not nr 1 in his/her life.

How would this make you feel and how would you deal with it? Could you deal with it? Is it a deal-breaker?

Well for me everyone needs they're own time ...to a certain extent . But if they are constantly blowing me off then I'm going to take it as I'm not important enough in their live . If I am important to them they would include me in what is going on ... definitely a deal breaker for me.

I don't expect to be someones #1 I just want to be treated equal. We all need our me time gawd knows without it we all go bonkers.... But when your me time runs into our time and I'm pushed aside I will voice my opinion if they gets no attention then I walk away... if they can not put you within their lives then they are not into the relationship.. and your not that important to them..

I expect back what I give though not immediately but is a must for me.....one for whom me or my dearest one are not the top most priority can't remain my top priority anymore....

It's creepy to keep loving one side.

If it's a hobby, I think she could/should do something about that.
Now if it's work? I am dealing with it a lot..
As a truck driver you don't "clock out" at the certain time every day.
So, yeah I was told that it's not fair for her not knowing if we can go out, and what time..And it isn't.

For me,that would define what kind of a relationship it was.What you describe sounds more like a friend with benefits,and possibly difficult to get out of if you both didn't start with that intention.I would hope that those busy times would have become clear before deeper emotions set in,and therefore a short lived relationship.So it would be a deal breaker for me,either because i didn't see what was happening,or she hadn't been entirely honest with me about the importance of work or hobbys etc.

For me it's quality of time spent together, not quantity..If he loves me, I will know I am number one regardless of how much or how little time he spends with me...

Get rid of "I" and embrace "we"... only then does the realization dawn "I am You and You are Me"...

I think you can tell easily if you're not their Nr 1.

For me it's the little things that count, like getting up half an hour earlier to make the coffee, so it's ready when they get up.

Or, buying their favourite bar of chocolate when you go the shop for a newspaper.
Once the affection has gone, it's over.

Relationships grow and change as well as people do with specific environmental circumstances. It's about coping with the stresses and focusing on each other and quality of time together and for each other.

nothing wrong with a good solid # 2.... ...... ...

If the man wants me to put him 1st he better not put me 2nd or I'm leaving.

Thanks for all your answers :)
It's a bit difficult to come up with good examples.. I do not mean a FWB type situation, but a relationship situation.
Being with a truck-driver could be an example.. You know upfront, but you cannot really fathom what it means in day to day life.

Another one concerning a hobby: Yonks ago I was with a bloke who always listened to a police scanner. He really loved that and whenever there was something going on, like a fire, he'd drive over there no matter what. He was absolutely nuts about me, but as soon as he heard something interesting on the scanner, it became his entire universe, whether I was waiting for him or not, had dinner ready etc.

If I had tried to do something about it, I would've tried to change him. Is that the right thing to do? I knew upfront he was seriously into that, and sometimes it was fun. But I couldn't guestimate its influence on me or our relationship.
In the end it became terribly annoying.

And I know it's easy to say: if he loves me, and I him, we're cooking! But what if you're mostly cooking on your own, lol.

Ever since my teenage years, whenever I have tried pointing a finger at someone, I have unquestionably noticed my remaining 4 fingers pointing back at me....Law of 'Physics' 'Biology' or 'Philosophy' I know not..Perhaps that's the simple truth of life...

I think you said it best crystal..
. he was nuts..lol ..
what could be possibly hotter than watching you..mmmm

very good question and tough to answer.
I suppose a lot depends on how solid your relationship is for those times when you have to be apart.

Owww... thank you
Dang why do you live so far away ... I'd have you drink some Despo's

Yes .. indeed.. I'm not sure how I'd deal with it myself.

Even if you knew going in that he was addicted to the police scanner and you (and he) went in anyway and without discussing it, if he was consistently letting meals that you prepared get cold in favor of ambulance chasing, I'm sorry, but he was not absolutely crazy about you, he was taking you for granted...

PS: Expressing dissatisfaction about something that is going on in a relationship is not trying to change someone, it's trying to save or improve the relationship...Think balance...

If I really needed her to give me her time and attention, and I made that need clear, then she should be able to free up the time to help me. However, the actual need situation doesn't come up all that often, and is kind of relative. It is relative in the importance of what each person is doing. It's about determining priorities. If I "need" help moving furniture, but she's at work, that's not an actual "need". However, if we had a date planned, and she's off partying with her friends instead, that's something she can afford to ditch; if we were in a valid relationship, then the date should be a much higher priority than partying.

In cases in which I would truly need her, like a medical emergency/drive to the hospital, then that should automatically assume top priority no matter what situation she would get pulled out of. This is assuming that we're far enough along in the relationship that she would now be my first medical contact.

I also have to make that need clear. The phrase "I need you to..." gets thrown around a lot, and usually means "I want..." or "It would be nice if..." For example, if I do need a ride to the hospital, but I tell her, "It's really no big deal" while I'm bleeding all over the floor, then that's my fault for not making the situation clear, or making her think it's nothing serious. There's putting your partner first, trying to make their lives easier in every respect, and then there's just pointless masochism and dangerous levels of self-sacrifice.