"The power of a grieving mother. . ."



"There are no words that can adequately describe how I feel. After losing Autumn, I promised myself that I would do whatever I had to do to ensure that other families didn't have to suffer the way that we did. My hope is that with this law we can start to make a real difference and improve stillbirth outcomes here in NJ. However, this is just the beginning. I would ideally love to see the Autumn Joy Stillbirth Research and Dignity Act serve as a model for legislation to be passed in other states." - Debra Haines Vijayvergiya


"Here is Autumn Joy'��s story:"



285 grams. That is what our baby weighed when they performed the autopsy. "Baby," "dead," "autopsy" - three words that are not meant to go together.


But for me, they did. And I am not alone. Fetal demise, more commonly known as stillbirth, causes approximately 26,000 deaths a year in the United States;�� more than the deaths resulting from SIDS and congenital anomalies combined.


I have been pregnant four times and have one child. I had not heard of fetal demise until last summer, when, 22 weeks into my pregnancy, my obstetrician could not detect my unborn baby'��s heartbeat.


It started off as a regular checkup. That is, until the heart beat monitor on my belly failed to register anything. The silence was enough to make my own heart stop.


I finally heard something and I practically screeched in delight. But the doctor told me I was hearing my heartbeat, not my baby'��s. As I started to cry, she suggested that we do an ultrasound because sometimes the baby can lie in an awkward position, making it harder to detect the heartbeat.


As she called the nurse, I could feel the pounding of my heart increasing with the escalating panic in her voice. I was breathless as I stared into the black silence of the ultrasound monitor. No sign of life. It was any expectant mother'��s worst nightmare.


After repeatedly telling me how sorry she was, the doctor left me alone to make "my calls." I couldn't comprehend how, in a matter of minutes, I had gone from blissfully pregnant to having a lifeless baby inside me.


How could I pick up the phone and call my husband? What words could I possibly use to tell him our baby was gone?


My husband found me 30 minutes later, frozen on the examination table. Without much time to let this news register, we had to decide on a plan of action. The baby had to come out. My initial reaction was that I could not, would not, deliver this child. Delivering a baby was the definition of life and I could not give birth to a lifeless baby.


Before I knew it, I heard myself inquiring about an autopsy. "Autopsy"- it just rolled off my tongue. It dawned on me that if we did an autopsy, then I could find out what had happened. And finding out what happened was the only way to make sense of the senseless. It was at that moment I realized delivering the baby was my only choice.


As I waited in a hospital room, the day wore on in a blur- doctors, nurses, psychiatrists and social workers. Who knew there were so many decisions involved with birthing a "sleeping" baby? Do we want to hold the baby, do we want the baby to stay in the room, do we want pictures of the baby/with the baby, do we want hand/footprints, funeral, etc.? How did they expect us to make such decisions under such duress? For us, it was the equivalent of someone saying, "Your family member just passed, would you like us to make hand-prints in order to commemorate them?" It was an inconceivable idea that we didn't understand at the time. We said no to them all. The impending birth was more than we could handle.


About 4 a.m., I turned to my sleeping husband and informed him that it was "time." I remember the hot tears streaming down my face, feeling as if I wanted to die and the kind voices coaxing me to keep pushing.


I felt so alone, so cheated, so very broken. I felt like a failure as a wife and mother. The autopsy showed that our daughter was perfectly healthy but had died due to a stricture in the umbilical cord, which resulted in her oxygen source being cut off.


I certainly wasn't ready to face the world with what had happened. And as I quickly found out, it wasn't just me who was unprepared to handle this. The medical staff didn't know what to say or how to say it. Friends and family were unsure of how to approach the subject. I think most felt that if I looked together, I was together, reinforcing silence as the default approach in coping with the situation.


The topic of stillbirth is taboo in our society and we have a tendency to pretend it doesn't happen, so we don't talk about it. This has to change. Thousands of families endure the pain and trauma of stillbirth every year, and until we as a society acknowledge this and talk openly about it, health care professionals, friends, family and patients will remain unprepared to help their loved ones.


Federal agencies invest in research to study the causes of stillbirth and find ways to prevent deaths, yet research gaps exist. Beyond research, so much more can and needs to be done to raise medical awareness and societal acceptance that stillbirth is a very real occurrence.


The first step is to create a national standardized definition for stillbirth. States define stillbirth differently (a loss at 16 weeks is a stillbirth in Pennsylvania; but in New Jersey, it's 20 weeks), so researchers can't accurately collect data on the true extent of these births. Without good data, research efforts are compromised.


Second, we need improved and expanded training for pathologists to perform perinatal autopsies. An autopsy on a stillbirth requires very specific training, which most pathologists do not have. Without thorough autopsies, researchers are limited in the data they have for study and analysis into the causes of stillbirth.


There is also a dire need to establish more comprehensive medical and emotional support protocols for before, during and after birth for mothers and their families.


Last, increased subject-matter training for the doctor's office and hospital personnel would help ease the trauma and prepare everyone involved for the immediate and longer-term decisions and issues that lie ahead.


The healing process hasn't been perfect, but I am doing better every day. Life has returned to some kind of normal. It's definitely not what normal was before; it never could be. Too much has happened. But it is our new normal and we're moving forward one day at a time. Part of our moving forward is doing everything we can to help make sure other families who experience the trauma of stillbirth are better prepared and supported than we were.



[ Congratulations to 'Debbie' and her family; husband 'Chetham', 'Maya' and 'Gavin'! ]

"Crain moves ahead in recovery from brain injuries" - [By 'Tom Held' of the Journal Sentinel]




When she tires, Jenny Crain's eyes take on a look of fear and confusion.
She appears to be searching for something far removed her immediate surroundings. Perhaps a part of her recovering brain is reflecting back on a day when she ran with the best in the country, when she sustained strength and speed mile after mile. Perhaps she's looking for a finish line somewhere in the future, a place where her mind once again engages fully and energetically.
The well-regarded local athlete celebrated a significant step toward that finish line on Monday, when her brother and mother moved her from the Mt. Carmel Health and Rehabilitation Center in Greenfield to a private apartment, where she will live with a roommate and a caregiver. "I'm kind of excited about it, to use what I learned here in the outside world," Jenny Crain said, while preparing to leave Mt. Carmel. "I've made a lot of progress. My friends and family have noticed it too. I feel stronger."


No one could have guaranteed that Jenny, 41, would have recovered to this point, after a car crashed into her on Aug. 21, 2007. When she stepped off the curb at N. Farwell Ave. and E. Brady St. that morning, Crain was near the end of a routine training run, part of her preparation for the 2008 U.S. Olympic Marathon trials. It would have been her fourth run in that elite competition.
The crash and the devastating brain injuries forced her into a much different marathon, one without a familiar training blueprint or a certain distance. John Brant described her challenges beautifully last month in Runner's World Magazine. Crain put them in simpler terms on Monday. "I was aware of what it took to be a good runner," Crain said, while preparing to leave Mt. Carmel. "That wasn't quite as hard."



In better moments, Crain answers questions directly and flashes the wit and compassion that made her a magnetic figure among runners in Milwaukee and the elite national ranks. She routinely encouraged others, whether dueling in a U.S. National Championship or setting the pace in the Briggs & Al's Run.
On Monday, she chatted knowingly about the cold wind that often blows during the Lakefront Discovery Run and the wisdom of tucking in behind other runners. She brightened at the prospect of the treats to be shared at her farewell party, laughing, "I'm going to have my cake and eat it too." And she used the occasion as something of an audition for a future career as a motivational speaker. "Whatever the situation, 'Make it Happen,'" she told her fellow patients, quoting the motto born during her running days and carried over to the fund designated to help pay for her ongoing rehabilitation needs.
Those needs are great.



Crain is unable to walk and has stood on her own on only two occasions since the crash. She has difficulty swallowing and needs assistance with many of the demands of daily living. And despite her remarkable improvements, Crain has severe cognitive challenges yet to overcome. Her periods of lucid engagement and spot-on long-term memory quickly dissipate, and she falls frequently into patterns of perseveration, repeating phantom complaints and morbid thoughts in a monotone voice. "It's something she struggles with, and probably will forever," Peter Crain said.



While she engaged in talks about races and events on Monday, she also wandered off track mentally, confused about time and place. She tires after about 10 or 15 minutes of either physical or mental activity. Medical science is far from definitive in predicting how much more improvement to expect for someone who suffered such massive brain trauma. The need for care and rehabilitation likely has no end. "This is the rest of Jenny's life," her brother said.
Donna Crain remains convinced, however, that Jenny has not hit the wall in her recovery.



Significant improvements in her ability to remain engaged in conversations and utilize short-term memory have fueled that optimism over the past four to six months. "I don't put a limit on it," Donna Crain said. "I see Jenny being close to what she was before, without the elite running status." Jenny herself has begun to show a greater recognition of who she was, and who she is, which has both benefits and painful implications. Jenny Crain in her prime at the 2007 Boston Marathon, She sat with her mother on Sunday, and watched a bit of the ING New York City Marathon on television.



Five years ago, that race provided one of her pinnacle moments as an athlete. Strong and determined, she engaged her mind and body solidly for 2 hours 41 minutes and crossed the finish line 15th overall among women, the top American female. She had little patience for the race on television. As Donna related, "she said, 'Don't you think I'd rather be running the marathon myself.'"

"The Wise Old Man"



A wealthy man requested an old scholar to wean his son away from his bad habits. The scholar took the youth for a stroll through a garden. Stopping suddenly he asked the boy to pull out a tiny plant growing there.

The youth held the plant between his thumb and forefinger and pulled it out. The old man then asked him to pull out a slightly bigger plant. The youth pulled hard and the plant came out, roots and all. "Now pull out that one," said the old man pointing to a bush. The boy had to use all his strength to pull it out.

"Now take this one out," said the old man, indicating a guava tree. The youth grasped the trunk and tried to pull it out. But it would not budge. "It's impossible," said the boy, panting with the effort.

"So it is with bad habits," said the sage. "When they are young it is easy to pull them out but when they take hold they cannot be uprooted." The session with the old man changed the boy’s life!


"Moral":

Don't wait for Bad Habits to grow in you, drop them while you have control over them; else they will gain control over you!

"Bao Gong interrogates a rock"!


Once there was a little boy whose mother was very sick. He needed to earn money to buy her medicine, so one day, he went to market and sold a huge basket of fried bread. He sat by a rock and counted his money with greasy fingers from the bread oil. He had exactly 100 copper coins – enough to buy medicine. He had been selling bread all morning and was very tired, so he lay next to the rock and took a nap.


When the boy woke up, his basket of coins was gone! So, he started to cry.


Passing by, a renowned official named Bao Gong saw the boy crying. Bao Gong was famous for his cleverness, and asked the boy what was wrong. "My money from selling fried bread is gone," the boy wailed.


Bao Gong looked around and thought for a moment. With a flourish, he pointed accusingly at the rock where the boy had napped. "This rock stole your money, I'm sure of it. I'll question the rock and tell it to give your money back."


The boy stopped crying as Bao Gong started shouting at the rock, cursing the rock's mother and threatening to grind it into gravel. A crowd gathered to watch Bao Gong interrogate the rock. The general consensus was, "Is this guy for real? We thought Bao Gong was supposed to be smart."


Bao Gong whirled on the crowd. "How dare you question me. You're all fined one copper coin for speaking ill of an imperial official."


The crowd grumbled about the unfairness, but Bao Gong filled a pot with water and commanded that each person put in one coin. When one man put his copper into the pot, Bao Gong ordered the crowd to seize him. "This is the real thief! When he dropped the coin into the pot, you could see a film of oil on the water. All the boy’s coppers were greasy from the bread." The thief had no choice but to give the coins back to the boy, and the boy went home with enough money to buy his mother medicine.


'Moral':

"Don't underestimate cleverness, even if it appears to be crazy!"

"Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us."


[Maya Angelou]

"If the portraits of our absent friends are pleasant to us, which renew our memory of them and relieve our regret for their absence by a false and empty consolation, how much more pleasant are letters which bring us the written characters of the absent friend."

[H�lo�se d'Argenteuil]

"It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone."

[John Steinbeck]

"The Meaning of Life"

['Daniel Hill' argues that without God, life would be meaningless.]



What is the meaning of 'the meaning of life'? In analytic philosophy the bearers of meaning have usually been considered to be words, phrases, clauses, and sentences. Hence life itself is not usually considered to be a bearer of meaning, but the word 'life' is. Understanding the meaning of the latter is itself an important philosophical task, to determine whether life involves any non-physical substance, or whether it merely involves a certain form or arrangement of a certain type of physical matter. It is therefore a task that logically must be tackled before the task of understanding the meaning of life in the sense usually intended by the earnest questioner. However, the person that asks "��What is the meaning of life?"�� is not usually asking for a definition of the word 'life'��. What I think the questioner means to ask is what the explanation is for the presence of life or existence of living things. Peter van Inwagen gives a helpful analogy: "If Alice surprises a trusted employee who has broken into her office and is going through her files, and if Alice says 'What is the meaning of this?' she is requesting an explanation of a certain state of affairs in terms of the purposes of her employee or those whose agent the employee is." So, if someone asked you the meaning of the fact that the water was boiling, replying that a heating element was giving the water molecules energy wouldn't be a proper answer, nor would saying that the water had reached 100 degree Centigrade. The answer would be that (for example) someone had put the kettle on in order to have hot water to make a cup of tea. If it was apparent that nobody was responsible for the event in question, if, say, the event was just the boiling of water in a natural geyser, the person asking "What is the meaning of the fact that the water is boiling?" would receive the answer that there was no meaning (or would perhaps receive just a puzzled stare). Thomas Morris calls this the 'Endowment Thesis': "Something has meaning if and only if it is endowed with meaning or significance by a purposeful personal agent or group of such agents."



He goes on saying, "This seems to be a truth about meaning of any kind. Human languages provide the simplest and most straightforward example of this. No word in any human language carries its meaning as one of its intrinsic properties. No sound or shape essentially means whatever it does in fact mean when produced by a user of the English language as a meaningful linguistic utterance. It has been endowed with whatever meaning or meanings it has by linguistic convention, by agreement among speakers or users of the language. To have meaning of any kind, a thing must be brought under the governance of some kind of purposeful intention, whether an intention to refer, to express, to convey, or to operate in the production of some acknowledged value. This is true of all meaning."



As far as life is concerned, then, life has a meaning only if there is an explanation of it in terms of the purposes of an agent that brought life about. Although the life of a particular individual might be explained in terms of the purposes of her, his, or its parents, this sort of explanation won'��t suffice for the whole of life throughout time and space, since it seems that life has not been going on forever, so that there must have been in the history of the world at least one living thing that had no living ancestors. In any case, contrary to what David Hume says, it does not seem as if an explanation of each member of a series adds up to an explanation of the whole. Even if we could explain each individual life in terms of the actions of that living thing's parents backwards ad-infinitum, that would still not explain why we had an infinite series of living things rather than an infinite series of non-living things. Thus it would fail to explain fully the phenomenon of life. Finally on this point, although the parents' action may (usually) be a physically necessary condition of life, it is not a physically sufficient condition of it, and therefore cannot function as a complete explanation, since not everything is physically able to be a parent.



You might object that in order for life to have meaning it is not necessary that there be some designer having purposes for her or his or its creation. Perhaps all that is actually necessary is that somebody have a purpose. So, for instance, I may use a cup intended for drink to keep my pens in. My purpose for the cup is different from that of the designer. I don't think that this suggestion fully captures the intuitive notion of 'meaning', however. If somebody asked what was the meaning of (the existence of) the cup, she or he would want to know who had made it and why. She or he would not, I think, want to know for what I was using it (unless I had made it). Secondly on this point, nobody can have a purpose for the whole of her or his life, since part of our lives is already past by the time we are capable of forming purposes. One cannot, I think, really have a purpose for something already past. To have a purpose for something is to use it to bring about a particular state of affairs, but one cannot use past states of affairs to bring about anything. Thirdly, since we are considering the whole phenomenon of life here, only the first living thing or things could have had a purpose for almost all of life. But palaeontologists tell us that the world's first living organisms were not things of the sort that could have had purposes – they were too biologically simple to have any mental life at all.



Belief in a creator and designer is essential, then, for anyone that thinks that life has a meaning. The famous argument from design seeks to identify such a designer with God. Whilst it seems certain that necessarily God is the designer and creator of all else that there is, it is not certain that necessarily any designer is God. Could there not, for instance, have been a designer that knew a lot but not everything, or that could do a lot but not everything? It seems that there could. Sometimes considerations of simplicity are invoked (for example by Richard Swinburne) to the effect that it is more rational to believe in the allegedly simpler hypothesis of an all-knowing, omnipotent God than in one who is not quite all-powerful and not quite omniscient. In any case, the identification cannot be made with hundred percent certainty. Since I have no space here to discuss this thorny issue in depth I shall assume that from revelation, religious experience, or some other source, one may make this identification.



Therefore, atheists must necessarily deny that life has a meaning, since no overall complete explanation of the existence of living things could be given in terms of the purposes of any set of non-divine agents. Theists, on the other hand, believe that God's purposes form a necessary condition of all life (apart from God's), and perhaps a sufficient condition too. Certainly they will say that the union of the set of God's purposes and the set of the purposes of all parents will be a sufficient condition, since any physical factor is reducible to one of these sets. So, for a theist, the meaning of life will be given in terms of the purposes of God and parents. God's purposes are more important because if, as scientists tell us, there was once at least one first living thing in the world, then that thing's existence can be given meaning only in terms of God's purposes. Secondly, it seems to follow from God's omnipotence that God's will is a necessary condition for any parent producing a child. So God, being rational, has a purpose of some kind behind the existence of every life. But no one human parent has a purpose for bringing about more than relatively few lives. So I shall concentrate on God's purposes.



What are these purposes? There is an infinite number of possible purposes for a designer, some good and some bad, but God could only have a good purpose, since God is, by definition, good. Furthermore, it cannot be that God needed to create life, for God is, by definition, self-sufficient. But it does not seem that God could have created living things for their benefit – does it make any sense to talk about benefiting something by bringing it into existence? I do not think so, for it does not seem sensible to compare an existent and a nonexistent thing with respect to happiness. So it seems as if God created life for God's own sake. Why? Well, although God does not need praise from any other being, it is good that God be praised, since, by definition, God is the supreme being, most worthy of praise. It also seems good, though not essential, that a being other than God should glorify God. An artist creates a picture not for the picture's sake, but for her or his own sake, to redound to her or his own credit. This may sound as if God is egotistical, but in fact, an egotist is one who has an over-inflated self-opinion. God does not have this, since God really is the supreme being, and God does not wrongfully deprive anyone of praise in creating life for God's own glory. This, then, may explain why God created life. The Shorter Catechism puts it thus:



"Q1: What is the chief end of man?

A1: Man'��s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him for ever."



God created life to glorify God and to be in relationship with God. The Catechism rather chauvinistically speaks of '��man'��, but I think that at least the first half of the principle, that is, the principle of glorifying or giving honor to God, may be generalized to all life. It seems plausible to say that the beauty and diversity of organisms in the natural world glorify their creator in roughly the way in which an artist'��s work may bring praise to the artist: the artist or designer's skill is made manifest in the thing that is designed. Creatures capable of free intentional action may glorify God in an additional way, viz by obeying and imitating God and so demonstrating the rightness of God's commands and nature, and by freely and intentionally giving God the praise and honor that God deserves.



But does the collective purpose for all humanity filter down to each individual? Does it follow from the fact that all humanity was created to glorify God that this is the purpose of each individual? I do not think it can be said logically to follow. Rather what follows is that each person should do what is necessary in order that the whole of humanity may truly be said to be glorifying God and being in relationship with God. In practice, I think this will mean that each person should glorify and be in relationship with God and also encourage others to do the same. However, the precise way of obeying God can, it seems to me, is from God's revelation or by experience, since God might command me to do a particular sort of action, but you to do a different sort of action.



But why should there be an overarching purpose for one's life? Why shouldn't one just have lots of small purposes, for example to write this article, to pass an exam, to get one's girlfriend a nice birthday present? It seems as if we all do have small purposes in life, for this is no more than the claim that we act intentionally. If we never did any action on purpose we should not survive very long, for it is not only the case that most people work (at least partly) in order to get money in order to get food and drink, but also that we do such mundane actions as going to the refrigerator and cupboard in order to get food and drink. I do not think that there need be an overarching purpose for one's life, but I think one does want assurance that the small purposes one has are significant. If my purpose in my actions was just to continue to exist for as long as possible I think most people would want to class such a life as meaningless, for, unless I held the view that simple existence was a good thing there wouldn't seem to be any point in prolonging an existence that I was not using for any other purpose. Similarly, if my ambition were to amass the world's largest collection of bottle tops just for its own sake or to count the number of blades of grass in Britain, I think most people would dismiss such an ambition as pointless, for intuitively it does not seem as if either is a worthwhile end. Yet if I said my ambition was to relieve world suffering or to be happy or to glorify God the question, "Why do you want to do that?" would seem odd.



There seem, then, to be some purposes that are right or appropriate for humans and others that are not. The purposes have to be worthwhile or important to some degree, and they also have to be morally good. It seems that a life devoted to advancing human suffering and causing pain would only be meaningful in a perverse sense. But it seems to me that there may also be more than morality at stake here: it seems plausible to say that painting 'The Mona Lisa' or writing 'Hamlet' is a worthwhile end even though it may not be morally good. It seems then that purposes or ends should be weighed on a general value scale to see whether they are suitable for dedicating one's existence to. This general value scale will be a function from particular values such as moral value, aesthetic value etc., to an overall merit or value. I think that these value facts are brute facts, i.e. ones with no explanation: there are some purposes that are good or valuable, and one cannot say why they are so, nor can one or need one give any additional reason for the pursuit of one of these purposes.



It seems to me that we do have some intuitive idea of what these intrinsically good or valuable purposes are: for instance, helping others or fighting disease. However, the most important purpose must surely be to glorify God, since God is, by definition, the supreme being, who ought to receive infinite praise and obedience. There are other purposes that are good and valuable, but none of them is of infinite value. Similarly, there is no other state of affairs as valuable as that in which God is glorified. God, being our creator and benefactor, has a claim on and right to our lives; nobody else has as strong a claim or as great a right to our lives, not even our parents. It follows that the moral imperative to glorify God is greater than any other moral imperative.



It is not the case that an overarching purpose is necessary to have a life worth living: God has no overarching purpose in living - there is no reason for which God is alive, yet God's life is worth living, because God necessarily brings about good things for God and all others, and because God is happy so to do. So, whilst there is no meaning to God's life – nor, therefore, to the set of God's life and every other life – God's life is full of purposes of the greatest value.



It may seem at first sight that it is problematic to say that God's life has no meaning. I do not think it is problematic -�� we started the article by saying that for a life to have meaning it must be explicable in terms of the purposes of its creator; but it is not possible, by definition, for God to have a creator, so it is not possible for God's life to have meaning. To insist that God's life be meaningful is to make a categorical mistake -�� God's life is simply not in the category of things that could have a meaning. It might then be claimed that if we derive our meaning from God and if God essentially has no meaning, then we inherit God's lack of meaning. I do not think this is so. Indeed, if all meaning is endowed, then, necessarily, one of three things happens:


(i) a chain of explanation goes on for ever
(ii) a chain of explanation is circular
(iii) a chain of explanation comes to a stop in an unexplained phenomenon.



I think that (i) is implausible in this case: it does not seem likely that there is an infinite sequence of meaning-bearers stretching off into the logical distance. I think (ii) is unsatisfactory -�� I do not think circular explanation is a valid form of explanation. That leaves the third option. In any case, I do not see why meaninglessness should be inherited.



I have not shown in this article that there is a meaning to life, nor have I shown that there is a designer, nor that the designer is God. As a matter of fact, I do not think I can prove any of these things. I hope I have shown that there can be a meaning to life only if there is a designer, and that if the designer is God then one should adopt as one's own God's purpose for one's life. I have suggested that such a purpose in the broadest sense is that of glorifying God and being in relationship with God, but that the particular expression of this for the individual is a matter for that individual to discern by religious experience or revelation.



[Dr Daniel Hill 2002]




PS: Daniel Hill was once robbed and marooned in the desert by a Bolivian truck driver. He would like to thank Christine Odone, librarian at the University of London Library, for bibliographic help with this article above and beyond the call of duty!

"Remembering My Mother" [ By: "Belinda Stotler"]



My Mother seems so far away from me,
On that beautiful white shore across the sea.

Yet I remember love's soft glow upon her face,
And the feel of her touch and tender embrace.


When I am weary from the burdens I've borne,
And the path is unclear and I feel so forlorn,

I remember her loving support was always near,
And her advice made the path ahead seem clear.


When I feel there is no one who seems to care,
Or when the heartache seems too hard to bear,

I remember how she always stood by my side,
And would tenderly wipe away the tears I cried.


When there are moments of great joy and pride,
And I wish my Mother was standing at my side,

I remember she saw more than I thought I could be,
And know I owe my triumphs to her belief in me.


When I reminisce about the things she used to say,
And I miss her and think she is so far away,

I remember what she gave lives on through me,
And one day I'll see her on the shore across the sea.

"REMEMBER ME"


I never meant to leave you,
Could I have only stayed;

We would be going on in life,
With all the plans we made.


Now all the hopes and dreams we shared,
Are but sweet memories;

For you to tuck inside your heart,
Now when you remember me.


Remember all the good times,
And all the joy we shared;

Remember how you touched my life,
And how I really cared.


Think back on all the laughter,
And wipe away your tears;

You still have many miles to go,
And still have many years.


Don't look back; look forward,
This day is a brand new start;

And as you travel on in life,
You'll take a bit of my heart.


I never meant to leave you,
But still you'll not be alone;

For as long as my love lives in you,
I'll never really be gone.


[Allison Chambers Coxsey]








"KEEP MY MEMORY"




Keep my memory with you,
For memories never die;

I will be there with you,
When you look across the sky.

I will be there in the clouds,
In the birds that fill the air;

In the beauty of a fragrant rose,
You will find my memory there.


You will feel me in the tenderness,
Of a tiny baby's touch;

You will hear me if you listen,
In the twilight's gentle hush.

When your hearts are heavy,
And you feel that you are alone;

Just reach down deep inside of you,
For your heart is now my home.


I will always be with you,
I will never go away;

For I will live on in your heart,
Forever and a day.


[Allison Chambers Coxsey]




"MESSAGE FROM HEAVEN"



I am not so far from you,
Just a little way beyond;

Past the cares and past the pain,
Far past my earthly bonds.


When you feel you miss me most,
As years go drifting by;

Each memory will prove to you,
That our love will never die.


For memories are but a touch,
From the Father's gentle hand;

To heal your pain and mend your hearts,
To help you understand...


That while I left you far too soon,
I did not leave alone;

For the Father sent His angels,
To gently take me home.


Take comfort when you think of me,
Keep my love alive in your heart;

And with the warmth of each memory,
We will never be apart.



[Allison Chambers Coxsey]

"GOD'S GENTLE TOUCH"



We all have our dreams,
We all have our prayers;

But God has the answers,
If we trust that He'��s there.


In the grand scheme of life,
In the wondering why;

There isn't a thing,
That God won't supply.


When heartache is constant,
And tears fall like rain;

Our Father knows always,
The depth of our pain.


Reach out to Him,
When all seems too much;

Be healed by the love,
Of God'��s gentle touch.



[Allison Chambers Coxsey]

"The secret of happiness"


A certain shopkeeper sent his son to learn about the secret of happiness from the wisest man in the world. The lad wandered through the desert for 40 days, and finally came upon a beautiful castle, high atop a mountain. It was there that the wise man lived.


Rather than finding a saintly man, though, our hero, on entering the main room of the castle, saw a hive of activity: tradesmen came and went, people were conversing in the corners, a small orchestra was playing soft music, and there was a table covered with platters of the most delicious food in that part of the world. The wise man conversed with everyone, and the boy had to wait for two hours before it was his turn to be given the man's attention.


The wise man listened attentively to the boy's explanation of why he had come, but told him that he didn't have time just then to explain the secret of happiness. He suggested that the boy look around the palace and return in two hours.


"Meanwhile, I want to ask you to do something", said the wise man, handing the boy a teaspoon that held two drops of oil. "As you wander around, carry this spoon with you without allowing the oil to spill".


The boy began climbing and descending the many stairways of the palace, keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After two hours, he returned to the room where the wise man was.


"Well", asked the wise man, "Did you see the Persian tapestries that are hanging in my dining hall? Did you see the garden that it took the master gardener ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?"


The boy was embarrassed, and confessed that he had observed nothing. His only concern had been not to spill the oil that the wise man had entrusted to him.


"Then go back and observe the marvels of my world", said the wise man. "You cannot trust a man if you don't know his house".


Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and returned to his exploration of the palace, this time observing all of the works of art on the ceilings and the walls. He saw the gardens, the mountains all around him, the beauty of the flowers, and the taste with which everything had been selected. Upon returning to the wise man, he related in detail everything he had seen.


"But where are the drops of oil I entrusted to you?" asked the wise man. Looking down at the spoon he held, the boy saw that the oil was gone.


"Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you", said the wisest of wise men. "The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon".


[Author: Paul Coelho in "The Alchemist"]

"The Chinese farmer" [Source: 'Unknown']



There is a Chinese story of an old farmer who had an old horse for tilling his fields. One day the horse escaped into the hills and, when all the farmer's neighbors sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, 'Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?'


A week later the horse returned with a herd of wild horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck. His reply was, 'Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?'


Then, when the farmer's son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, 'Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?'


Some weeks later the army marched into the village and conscripted every able-bodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer's son with his broken leg they let him off. Now was that good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?

"The house with the golden windows" [Source: 'Unknown']




The little girl lived in a small, very simple, poor house on a hill and as she grew she would play in the small garden and as she grew she was able to see over the garden fence and across the valley to a wonderful house high on the hill - and this house had golden windows, so golden and shining that the little girl would dream of how magic it would be to grow up and live in a house with golden windows instead of an ordinary house like hers.


And although she loved her parents and her family, she yearned to live in such a golden house and dreamed all day about how wonderful and exciting it must feel to live there.


When she got to an age where she gained enough skill and sensibility to go outside her garden fence, she asked her mother is she could go for a bike ride outside the gate and down the lane. After pleading with her, her mother finally allowed her to go, insisting that she kept close to the house and didn't wander too far. The day was beautiful and the little girl knew exactly where she was heading! Down the lane and across the valley, she rode her bike until she got to the gate of the golden house across on the other hill.


As she dismounted her bike and lent it against the gate post, she focused on the path that lead to the house and then on the house itself...and was so disappointed as she realized all the windows were plain and rather dirty, reflecting nothing other than the sad neglect of the house that stood derelict.


So sad she didn't go any further and turned, heart broken as she remounted her bike ... As she glanced up she saw a sight to amaze her...there across the way on her side of the valley was a little house and its windows glistened golden ...as the sun shone on her little home.


She realized that she had been living in her golden house and all the love and care she found there was what made her home the 'golden house'. Everything she dreamed was right there in front of her nose!

If you understand others you are smart.
If you understand yourself you are illuminated.

If you overcome others you are powerful.
If you overcome yourself you have strength.

If you know how to be satisfied you are rich.
If you can act with vigor, you have a will.

If you don't lose your objectives you can be long-lasting.
If you die without loss, you are eternal.

[Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching]

Do you want to improve the world?
I don't think it can be done.


The world is sacred.
It can't be improved.

If you tamper with it, you'll ruin it.
If you treat it like an object, you'll lose it.


There is a time for being ahead,

a time for being behind;

a time for being in motion,

a time for being at rest;

a time for being vigorous,

a time for being exhausted;

a time for being safe,

a time for being in danger.


The Master sees things as they are,
without trying to control them.

He lets them go their own way,
and resides at the center of the circle.


[Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching]

He who stands on tiptoe
doesn't stand firm.

He who rushes ahead
doesn't go far.

He who tries to shine
dims his own light.

He who defines himself
can't know who he really is.

He who has power over others
can't empower himself.

He who clings to his work
will create nothing that endures.


If you want to accord with the Tao,
just do your job, then let go.


[Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching]

"20 Things That ONE Ought To Do In Life!"




01. Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"


02. Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.'


03. Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away.


04. Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now.


05. Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly.


06. Buy a do-nut and complain that there's a hole in it.


07. Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, and tell your friend it's ice cream.


08. Put up a "Lost Dog" poster with a picture of a cat on it.


09. In a public toilet, pass a note under the door next to you saying, "They're onto us. We need to go."


10. Walk up to a random person and say, "Wow! You've changed, I still have your picture from five years ago." And hold up a picture of potato.


11. Call McDonald's asking for directions to Burger King.


12. Order a pizza 5 minutes before New Years, and when it comes, yell, "I ORDERED THIS THING A YEAR AGO!"


13. Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment.


14. Go to an electronic store with a banana and say that you want to upgrade to an apple.


15. Call Pizza Hut and ask for the phone number to Domino's.


16. Hide a walk talkie in a bush and scare people that walk by.


17. Get on a crowded elevator with a bag in your hands, sigh and say "darn my snake got loose again".


18. When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away.


19. Dress up as a duck and throw bread at people and say,"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!! HUH?!!!!


20. Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"

01. The saddest moment is when you return to your ordinary life after watching an awesome movie.

02. Never give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.

03. I hate it when I'm singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

04. Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.

05. Stop editing your pics. What if you go missing? How do you expect us to find you if you look like Beyonce on Facebook and Chief Keef in person.

06. The only reason I know how to spell 'beautiful' is from Bruce Almighty.

07. Today; I saw a baby with a shirt that said, "I'm what happened in Vegas!"

08. I love the relationship I have with my bed. No commitment and we sleep together every night.

09. There's a big difference between a 'bear hug' and a 'bare hug'...!

10. Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed, I cut myself... a piece of cake.

'Selfless Love!'


There Was Once This Guy Who Is Very Much In Love With His Girl. This Romantic Guy Folded 1,000 Pieces Of Paper Cranes As A Gift To His Girl.


Although, At That Time He Was Just A Small Fry In His Company, His Future Didn't Seem Too Bright, They Were Very Happy Together. Until One Day, His Girl Told Him She Was Going To Paris And Will Never Come Back. She Also Told Him That She Cannot Visualize Any Future For The Both Of Them, So They Went Their Own Ways There And Then...


Heartbroken, The Guy Agreed. But When He Regained His Confidence, He Worked Hard Day And Night, Slogging His Body And Mind Just To Make Something Out Of Himself.


Finally With All The Hard Work And The Help Of Friends, This Guy Had Set Up His Own Company ...


You Never Fail Until You Stop Trying. One Rainy Day, While This Guy Was Driving, He Saw An Elderly Couple Sharing An Umbrella In The Rain Walking To Some Destination. Even With The Umbrella, They Were Still Drenched. It Didn't Take Him Long To Realize They Were His Girl's Parents.


With A Heart In Getting Back At Them, He Drove Slowly Beside The Couple, Wanting Them To Spot Him In His Luxury Sedan. He Wanted Them To Know That He Wasn't The Same Any More; He Had His Own Company, Car, Condo, Etc. He Made It! What He Saw Next Confused Him, The Couple Was Walking Towards A Cemetery, And So He Got Out Of His Car And Followed...And He Saw His Girl, A Photograph Of Her Smiling Sweetly As Ever At Him From Her Tombstone And He Saw His Paper Cranes Right Beside Her...


Her Parents Saw Him. He Asked Them Why This Had Happened. They Explained, She Did Not Leave For France At All. She Was Ill With Cancer. She Had Believed That He Will Make It Someday, But She Did Not Want To Be His Obstacle... Therefore She Had Chosen To Leave Him. Just Because Someone Doesn't Love You The Way You Want Them To,Doesn't Mean They Don't Love You With All They Have. She Had Wanted Her Parents To Put His Paper Cranes Beside Her, Because, If The Day Comes When Fate Brings Him To Her Again...He Can Take Some Of Those Back With Him...


Once You Have Loved, You Will Always Love. For What's In Your Mind May Escape But What's In Your Heart Will Remain Forever. The Guy Just Wept...The Worst Way To Miss Someone Is To Be Sitting Right Beside Her Knowing You Can't Have Her, See Her Or Be With Her Ever Again.........Hope You Understand.


Find Time To Realize That There Is One Person Who Means So Much To You, For You Might Wake Up One Morning Losing That Person Who You Thought Meant Nothing To You.






'KINDNESS Pays !'



One Day, A Poor Boy Who Was Selling Goods From Door To Door To Pay His Way Through School, Found He Had Only One Thin Dime Left, And He Was Hungry. He Decided He Would Ask For A Meal At The Next House. However, He Lost His Nerve When A Lovely Young Woman Opened The Door. Instead Of A Meal He Asked For A Drink Of Water. She Thought He Looked Hungry So Brought Him A Large Glass Of Milk. He Drank It Slowly, And Then Asked, "How Much Do I Owe You?"


"You Don't Owe Me Anything," She Replied "Mother Has Taught Us Never To Accept Payment For A Kindness." He Said... "Then I Thank You From My Heart."


As Howard Kelly Left That House, He Not Only Felt; Stronger Physically, But His Faith In God And Man Was Strong Also. He Had Been Ready To Give Up And Quit.


Years Later That Young Woman Became Critically Ill. The Local Doctors Were Baffled. They Finally Sent Her To The Big City, Where They Called In Specialists To Study Her Rare Disease. Dr. Howard Kelly Was Called In For The Consultation. When He Heard The Name Of The Town She Came From, A Strange Light Filled His Eyes. Immediately He Rose And Went Down The Hall Of The Hospital To Her Room. Dressed In His Doctor's Gown He Went In To See Her. He Recognized Her At Once. He Went Back To The Consultation Room Determined To Do His Best To Save Her Life. From That Day He Gave Special Attention To The Case.


After A Long Struggle, The Battle Was Won. Dr. Kelly Requested The Business Office To Pass The Final Bill To Him For Approval. He Looked At It, Then Wrote Something On The Edge And The Bill Was Sent To Her Room. She Feared To Open It, For She Was Sure It Would Take The Rest Of Her Life To Pay For It All. Finally, She Looked, And Something Caught Her Attention On The Side As She Read These Words.....


"Paid In Full With One Glass Of Milk." (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.


Tears Of Joy Flooded Her Eyes As Her Happy Heart Prayed: "Thank You, GOD, That Your Love Has Spread Abroad Through Human Hearts And Hands."