When I wrote this thread this morning, I was not only referring to myself in all the situations that I have listed down.

In my months here in Mingles, and being in conversations with some friends, I have found that we all face a moment of indecision when we are confronted by a 'possible match'. Even though I say in my profile I am looking for friends, but some friends are so so nice I wish it could be something different if circumstances allowed.

And then there are those of us who gave up too soon, and think we should have tried. Commonly used phrase is 'regret not giving it a chance'....'it could have turned out differently'.....'wonder if I should have given it a second chance'.....'should I have.....?'

The reality is that all people are different and there are traits that you will like and dislike about everyone. Some couples cannot exist together if they have differences in politics while others have opposite attitudes and it makes no difference to a loving relationship.

That said, some couples cannot co-exist having different eating or sleeping habits. It's all about the "mix". If you come across a person with the right chemistry, their differences will pale and their compatibilities will shine!

Sometimes it takes a while to learn what works and what doesn't and sometimes it happens quickly.

The only rule is that if you don't give it a chance, you'll never know.

Hehehe!...See how compatible Joe and I happen to be?...

Morning fly boy!

If you feel a need to ask, the answer is most likely yes, you should have given it a chance...Don't get stuck with a lot of "what ifs"....They might become too heavy to carry...

Morning Good Looking!

Ame...

if I believe it won't work.. I'd say goodbye..
just happened recently.. met someone thru my work.. there's several thousand miles between, but that was not a factor.. after the first lengthy conversation with him(3hrs), I felt that although we clicked, there could be some things that just couldn't be overcome.. after the 2nd lengthy conversation(another 3hrs).. I knew it would go nowhere so.. I cut it short! but not, of course, before expressing the why's and how of what I was feeling, and what brought me to my decision..

I have no regrets to the decisions I have made/make, personally.. I don't have time to waste on'em so when I make a choice/decision, believe me when I say.. there's a lot of forethought put into it..

Oh lawd.... The "what if" will kill you every time....

Yes......'perfect match', Leigh!!

Joe...I agree with you that we need to give it a chance, but some situations requires you to make a decision there and then whether to continue or cut it short.

For instance..... she meets this guy here, they click, they have been chatting for a while, she feels the attraction, he feels the attraction too, but he doesn't want to just stick with one person and says it....so, should she give it a chance or cut it short?

I looked at this situation....and I think I would give it a chance as he could change his mind once they are in a relationship.

But she decided that she did not want to risk getting hurt since he has already stated that he is not ready for commitment.

I experienced similar scenario you talk about Ame, he told me he was never faithful. But he was in any other way great and besides I loved his honesty. He gave me chance to decide by myself if I can accept him as he was. And I did - for his honesty, loving heart and kindness. The only man I would ever be able to tolerate a harem if he wanted it. The last day we saw each other - after a year of our separation he told me that for the whole time we knew each other and even in a year we were not together he never had thoughts about anyone else. Anything can change if love is there.

since the dawn of time human is ALMOST doing the same thing the same way according to earlier societies the new things is not safe it cold cause
death ,and we inherited that Neophobia (Fear of New Things) brief when we stop something from happening(relationships ...) do we did it for a logical reason of just fear

WOW....so many replies! Thanks a lot guys/gals. I am going to need time to digest and reply to your feedback when I get back from work later.

A lot of us have been thru' so many similar scenarios, it is great if those went thru' that ie. gave it a chance could share what happened. As always, if the outcome had a happy ending...it would be great. But then again, what would be the pitfalls that we have to look out for to avoid getting even more hurt than we already are from the previous relationships that we are recovering from.

Zee...that is exactly what happened to someone I knew from here too! But I was the one who got dumped... cos' though we clicked and were having daily 3 or 4 hour chats, it just wasn't going to work with the distance and each others commitments. As with all LDR, unless someone can uproot and move...it can't carry on indefinitely.

So, it looks like most of us go thru' similar situations, and could learn from each other on how to handle it, the pros and cons...and then decide on what's best for our own situation.

WOW....seacoast, great that you gave it a chance and it worked even though it did not last!

When I was young...yeah, young means many years ago , I was 22, I think and this BF of mine then told me that there were more beautiful girls than me out there....... I walked out, yeah, like just picked up my handbag, walked out of his house, out to the main road in my high heels late that night..... it was a good thing he came after me.... we broke up cos' he wanted his fun. But he didn't really forget me, and I was the reason he broke up with some girlfriends of his....he could never forget as I was the only one who dared to walk out! We are still friends, keep in touch and meet occasionally.

Yeah....'what if' definitely will kill very time!
So, we should go for it .... grab them by the collar and say 'I like you, let's give it a try'!!

Leigh, I wish it was as simple as giving it a chance every time we have doubts.

Instead of prolonging the ordeal, it might be better in the long run to 'cut it short' and let each other move on. There is a chinese saying "It is better to suffer short-term pain so that one will not have to suffer long-term pain."

Hmmmm......actually I am not looking for love!
Just waiting for love to bump into me!


Hmm you are living/practicing wuwei theory i see. that's cool

i have gotten to the point of living/knowing the above chinese saying
all too well. I'll be glad when that no longer matters & i am with my honey bunny finally.

The more opposite the better. But unfortunately women no longer want a hero, no, they want a Joey, or a Chandler, or a Ross. They want guys they can relate to. Beta males have never had it so good.

op being the age I am ... and having had two husbands ... which both had similarity's and attraction was there for us ... I am looking for a different kind of man now ... but still have the feeling I still have to have some familiarities with them ... like some things in common ... but I do believe every relationship goes through a beginning stage of like for each other ... and no demand's on one another ... has to feel like it is natural ... that we are together ... because it is something we both want...

sorry to hear that (((ame))) however in todays day and tech age.. it offers the opportunity for a larger 'pool' of fish if you will.. and in doing so, gives us the chance to meet others of 'like mind' that can live half way around the world.. the clincher is.. do we act? or let yet another get away because we're too comfortable in our current lives OR just too afraid to take the leap..

my dad used to say.. ANY thing is possible, if you want it bad enough!

as I'd mentioned though.. mine wasn't about distance, it was his words and actions that thru me.. inconstancy's from one conversation to the next.. comments and reactions to the topics.. all these things told me, it simply wouldn't work!

yes, seems many of us do go thru the same things.. the only advice I can offer is though.. listen closely to your gut!