I love everything you said here!

I agree, it depends on what kind of relationship you're looking for. If it's important to you to be able to jet off on a moment's notice trip, then dating a single mom probably isn't for you. I have equal custody of my kids, so there's plenty of time to date during the 50% of the time they aren't with me. Even so, taking a trip or making another large life decision takes some careful planning and coordination between my kids' dad and me. And if there was an emergency and my kids needed me, I would be there regardless of whose night it was to have them, or what other plans I had.

Keep in mind, though, that every single mom is different. There are as many different ways to be a single mom as there are single moms in the world. Some are better at balancing kids and dating than others.

Bottom line--know yourself and what your needs and wants are. You asked if you are being a selfish SOB, and nobody who doesn't know you can answer that. But even if you are, who cares? As long as you're honest about it and don't get into a relationship that you know would make you and/or your partner unhappy.

Almost every woman that I've dated in the last 20 years has had custody of their children. I knew it wouldn't work out if I was introduced to the kids before a month went by. Too fast. I knew I was the dispensible one- why bring me into your kids life so fast?

let me tell you all something guys
your problem here really is that you all think about what YOU are gonna get from such a relationship and when you enter a relationship with such an approach of selfishness and only what I can get from it, I can tell you that even with a woman never married or one with no kids you'd have problem along the run.
being with a woman with children and giving her the emotional attention and the security she needs would probably give you the best woman you could ever get, the more you give the more you get
true it's not easy and you'll have to face some difficulties but so is life in every facet of it, you go through this one and you got yourself a woman that would give you her whole heart and self, a woman that would put her kid and you with the same priority in life
so before you say your opinion on the matter think twice what do you really want to give to get or both

This.

In an ideal world sure, but if you are COMPLETELY unselfish, and it is JUST about giving...then why would we have ANY criteria?

Wanting someone who you're attracted to: selfish
Wanting someone who's in shape: selfish
Wanting someone who can support themselves: selfish(you should just completely support them right?
Wanting someone who has their own car: selfish(she should just take yours)


We all have preferences, whether one is a single mom or not is simply another preference to fit with that persons lifestyle

Granted some people can make you throw your preferences out the window, but realistically if who you are is a traveler, you love to travel, or your job makes you travel, a single-mom probably isn't the best fit, because you may start to feel trapped, then resent her, then the kids, and is that really the environment for a kid to be raised in?

Sometimes single-moms just aren't compatible with certain people....

but that's just my opinion.

isaac_dede it's ok to want things as not only there's nothing wrong with it but that's what makes us different than the rest
when I say selfish I mean by wanting to get and not thinking of our partner's needs
having said that there are different scenarios that this questions does not cover like what ages those kids are, from what background the ex comes from and other things one can't just cover in such a general question
but like I said in general if you enter a relationship and I mean both sides with the approach of giving I promise you that everything else becomes a minority and life of such couples would overcome most difficulties as most difficulties would be external issues anyway
one has to experience such a relationship to understand what I mean.

Well I guess that is another way of looking at it..

haha well while it's true I have not been married but I have been in quite a few relationships and let me tell you something here
being married is no different then being in a relationship in terms of responsibilities, love, expectations and emotions
if being married changes the way you'd be in a relationship then I'd say it's very sad. as one doesn't really appreciate what he has.
being married is a mean of security for both the guy and the girl and a way to show one they really mean death will do them apart
and yet I have been with a woman and a child and can tell you I dont see any difference weather I was married or not the relationship is based on how you treat her not a stigma of being married or a label
so damfa experience comes from awareness to what is happening around you not the amount of events you go through
I know you're older than me and I respect than very much, I'm sure there's lots I can learn from you but understand that even younger guys could have more experience than others older then them

I would say yea I married a single mom who had 2 small girls I adopted them later we split got divorced I payed child suport till they was teenager's then they came lived with me now booth married an live with 10 miles of me it was awesome experience I gained 2 great daughters out of my experance with a single mom just my 2 cents

countryguy114 that was not 2 cents but 2 million dollars
bad experience does not come from kids or marital state it comes from bad treatment of one another
good relationships is very reciprocal and kids are human beings that are involved in the situation, they too have emotions, feelings, pain, and happiness and basically everything we have just as well, one has to realize that when getting into such a relationship it's not just the girl he has to have a relationship but also the kids
this is where the difficulty comes from, it's hard enough to have a healthy relationship with one person, how much more so with others and in the same box
I understand everyone who says they wouldn't want to be in one, it's not easy that's for sure
you would never hear such a claim or another thread asking if one would go into a relationship with a girl who owns a pet
a child means more responsibilities, caring beyond filling the bowl with food, and facing life obstacles beyond going to the vet
most people see themselves only in the picture and you can't blame them most people thinking what they could get from the relationship not what they can give
but most people don't understand that by giving you'd be getting so much more from your girl or kids involved
it's another facet of love you'd be getting but again most people don't know how to handle one relationship how much more so dealing with another kid that is not yours

Verry true shy

No matter what you say Im not going to rush out and marry a woman with kids. Didn't breed them and don't want to feed them.

I follow the KISS principle:

Keep It Stupid Simple

I understand what you say damfa don't blame you for that and respect everyones opinion
but one thing I don't quite agree if you don't mind me saying so
no relationship can be stupid nor simple, kids or no kids involved

I have been married and didn't want kids with the responsibility and aggravation that comes with them. Have been in numerous LTR with women without kids. Now just trying to keep my life simple by not getting involved with women that have kids.

You can uncomplicated a relationship by avoiding things like kids or a woman with emotional scars from prior life.

Give yourself some time to learn this

good morning damfa :)

like I said I do understand you as it's much easier no doubt about that
I don't argue with this and agree with everything you say don't get me wrong, it's much easier and one wont go out looking for a woman with kids or with a scar as you said, no one would that's obvious
but what I'm saying there are pluses and minuses in everything and even in such a relationship there are pluses one may be getting
like I said there are many things to consider to such a general question of this topic, many little things that could change the picture from better to worse, each situation is different than the others and can't be generalized under the same umbrella
never the less I was trying to point out is that while in some situations one can indure more than he would in other situation as many can attest to that.

True
I think the question is really not would you date a mom but rather could you be happy with such a relationship
and the answer to that could not be given as a yes/no answer, each situation needs to be looked into upon the men and the woman and child involved
I know about 5 couples that are in a marriage with kids from previous marriage, and I can tell you they are very happy to be together and consider themselves happy to have those children so no one can say that it's wrong or bad or it won't work, it's very personal and very much depends on ones personality rather than a label of dating a mom.

Unless you dont want kids around. That makes it pretty easy to click 'NO' on the ticker tape.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tB-5Dr5TfbU
reminds me of this song.


hahaha ya good song
well anyhow I think when one meets a woman with a kid and got to know her long enough one may change his mind after all
emotions and feelings don't go together with logic
you can all say I wouldn't but being in such a situation could make you all decide differently if the woman you're with goes right inside your heart and takes over your whole

I clicked on your picture and your 3rd picture reminded me of Ross from the show friends, i shall now you call you Ross,

He thought he knew everything about relationships too, married and divorced 3 time....granted that was Tv-show...but i'm think it had basis in RL somewhere

yea if she had no more than three children.. Nay.. if she had enough to start her own baseball team..