How easy or difficult is it for you to trust again after you've been seriously betrayed in a personal or professional relationship?

Does the bad experience help you to be more cautious and make better choices in the same or similar situations with others, or does it induce your outlook toward paranoia and hold you back somewhat?

If you see the same pattern developing in your interactions that previously ended badly is there ever a point when you put your foot down and say "NO MORE" to yourself, then refuse to ever get caught up in the exact same situation that has the propensity for betrayal again?

Or do you always extend the benefit of the doubt regardless to the circumstances and deal with the consequences as they happen?

I have no problem with trust where it is deserved. If you have stabbed me in the back, insulted me or treated me unfairly I will work with you only because I have to. And only when it'a unavoidable.

Yes, it can hold people back because advancement sometimes means working with someone who has previously stabbed you in the back. So some will choose not to advance, or advance elsewhere because of that.

On a personal level, communicate only when it is unavoidable unless there's been some pretty audacious apologizing.

Exactly. ....

I find that business relationships are much more difficult to gauge trustworthiness due to the obvious competitiveness of the working to achieve success (money and status) environment. And I absolutely HATE always having to be on guard. Most of the time I don't know if my trust was misplaced until it's too late. Its only when ultimate goals have been revealed do I know if the trust was deserved or not, then it becomes time for damage control. So how does one really know who and how far to trust?

If someone has already stabbed us in the back and we know their tactics, would you agree that it makes it easier to work with them knowing what to possibly expect and this foreknowledge gives us the edge, the next time around?

Even with knees on the floor type repentance being proffered I still can't forge another bond of trust where one was previously broken, due to the guilty/innocent beyond a reasonable doubt boundary. Maybe I've just grown too jaded.

I don;t think you sound jaded. I do tend to give out second chances in my personal relationships though.

In business relationships, there are people who can be trusted. Just because they compete with you for something doesn;t make someone untrustworthy. It's whether the playing field is honest, level and the rules or standards are ethical and managed or applied equally. And whether all the players play be the rules.

I tend NOT to take all of those things personally. Over time, I just remember who is who. And leave it all at work.

Trust is complicated...even the OP is questioning trust in personal and professional relationships...Two very different constructs IMO...All of us have our own capacity to trust and that capacity is strengthened or weakened through life experience...For me, communication is key to forming and building trust in both professional and personal relationships...So many problems stem from misunderstandings related to a break down in communication...Honest, open communication is the surest way to strengthen our "capacity" to trust....Anytime you are unsure, ask before you act...Follow through comes next, can I rely on this person, can this person rely on me...Finally, intention...If trust is broken, figure out what, if any, part you played in the betrayal and act accordingly...The capacity to trust is not determined or controlled by the actions of others, it is determined or controlled by our reaction....

There some I trust with my life.
There are some that I trust with my wallet.
There are some that I trust with my heart.
There are some that I trust with it all.

How much and with whom, varies like snowflakes in a blizzard.

My reactions have been all over the map of possibilities, so how I would react in any given situation would be clouded by the details of the interaction.

Once trust is established, it can all too easily be broken, so I treat it like the precious commodity that it is, with respect. Betrayal is dealt with swiftly.

Actions do indeed speak much louder than words.

An excellent post Stan ...What do you mean by "dealt with"?....How do you deal with betrayal?...Does how you deal with it vary like snowflakes in a blizzard too?...

I don't trust anyone, everyone starts there and works their way up.

And if they get to the top they join a select few people.

You make it sound so easy.. :-)...Do any of those who get to the top ever fall off?....

Only if they keeled over.

(((((Scoob)))))

(((((Leigh)))))

. I generally go with my gut. instincts.
. I have developed a keen sense in my many years of doing business. on how much rope I will extend.. to each person. so to speak.. because ultimately betraying me.. you are only betraying yourself.. either down the road in a monetary sense..
. are in an opportunity.. to further the business relationship.. you hear it is only business a lot these days..
. but I believe it is more than business.
. betraying someone.
. speaks to who you are..
. your trustworthiness.. are your word...

. It is the only thing you have in this world
. I can sign all the contracts in the world..
. but I won't okay a deal until I look you in the eyes and shake your hand.. no matter how big or small the deal..
.. 5 minutes in a room alone with you.
. I will know who you are..
. and then I will know if I should trust you or not.
but in busines if you betrayed my trust..
would I continue doing business with you..
. that would depend on how big of a betrayal.
. you slighted me with..
. a small oversight on your part is forgivable.
. it is business after all.
. but if you purposely.. set out to screw me.
. I will be the finish of you..
but in my personal life..
I tend to trust most people.
. they know they can trust me so therefore I know I can trust them.
. but if I begin to feel like I can't trust you.
. then you move into the category of a acquaintance.
. a friend but not a good friend...

@leigh

Every person, circumstance and situation has been different, there have been no 'cookie cutter' solutions.

I have walked away and have also countered with 'extreme prejudice'. My reaction is based on the situation. Again, like snowflakes, no two are alike. In relationships, of the romantic/dating variety, I will most likely just walk away after betrayal. I can forgive, but will never forget. The level of trust we had will never be the same.

There is a distinct difference between taking $5 out of my pocket to get something from the store without asking first and screwing one of my friends. (Those are just two examples I would consider as trust-breakers and neither are what I would call extremes.)

ED: And, what I consider "swift" is immediate. I do not let things 'ferment' until they morph into something else.

Only one...Once that happens, there is no hope and I erase them from memory.

Totally, totally understand where you are coming from Stan...Same with D's post...Trust is complicated because the circumstances of each and every betrayal are unique....Also, as you and D both said, there is a big differences between personal and professional betrayals...I tend to agree with both of you...As D said, a betrayal in business might not be a deal breaker and as you said, in romance, once trust is broken, the level needed to continue the relationship is often unachievable...When I speak of looking to yourself and reaction(s) concerning betrayal, I am talking about capacity to trust regarding future relationships...That is the part I feel we, not the betrayer, control....

@Leigh

I certainly do not hold my past against someone new. It's the past, everyone starts with a clean slate (tabula rasa). The actions of individuals do not equal the actions of a group. If I see a 'pattern' or the proverbial 'red flags', I do not question the other person's judgement, I question my own. Since I am the common denominator in all of my relationships.

I see way too many, whom I will call 'bruised', who are oh-so-gung-ho to make the next guy/gal pay for what that last beach/arsehat did. It's wrong headed and destructive thinking. Self sabotage at it's finest. The irony is that they are on a socialmedia (some call it dating) site looking.

(this is tough to edit my thoughts to pg-13)