Let's go back to Valentines' Day 2012. Was dating a woman 25 years my junior for 3 years, then on the most-romantic holiday of the year, she set me up to fail and we ended things pretty much right then and there (though I didn't realize it at the time). And 2 years and 3+ months later, neither she nor any of her confidants have ever told me why: met a guy her own age and/or religion (Jewish), wanted to play the field, wanted to play on her own side of the street (to me, the most-likely scenario)? Why couldn't she tell me what went wrong? Still, after all this time, virtually no closure. Then, this past holiday season, met an age-appropriate woman, visited her over the course of 5 weekends, and on the last visit, after exchanging hugs and kisses and Xmas prezzies, she tells me, "I can't have sex with you and I can't be in a relationship with you". Then had the temerity to tell me she didn't owe me a reason why. In this case, as she warned me from the beginning, I think her love of wine was more important than that of a functional relationship. Lastly, someone I've dated on and off for awhile told me 2 months ago she'd be coming to visit over Memorial Day weekend, then informed me that she just wasn't feelin' it and offered no explanation why. So, tell me, ladies, why can't you just "be cruel to be kind" and actually communicate with us when something is wrong or, worse yet, when it's over and why? Is that so hard? I'm obviously still willing to play the game, but I have serious trust issues now, deservedly so. Any feedback from the distaff side would be welcomed, thank-you. sign me, "Dazed and Confused in the Dez"

Man I wouldn't wait that long to find out that answer.

Sometimes it's just as simple as "the chemistry needed isn't there and there is nothing you can do to make it appear". ...but those words are really hard to say when you see a decent person you don't want to hurt

Didn't read all that...Just here to tell you that people lie regardless of sex, creed, or whatever criteria you mortals apply to diversity.

Gender-bashing won't win you any award. And some women DO actually have the guts to say what they're really feeling.

For 3 years. In the friend zone.

Your role in this is significant you chose a person 25 years younger, you ignored warnings from another both point you as being unclear in your judgements of others A few sessions with a therapist may help ascertain what role you play in these toxic situations and help you make healthier choices

the criteria for diversity is usually political...being a certain race or religion doesn;t count unless the politics are in the moment - so to speak


sounds like she was just too young for him, the OP (tho' perhaps at a similar maturity level) hey doesn;t mean the age thing can't work but it didn't that time

what I don;t get is why people can't just call it a day and move on ????

Who's to say race or religion doesn't count? Perhaps those things are actually included in some people's standards. That's the thing about diversity.

I have met men that do the same thing. So it is not just some women that do this.

I completely agree Blondey

Hello Beautiful You

Yes I think it does sum it up quite nicely.
Unfortunately I think we all have experienced it before.
I get a little angry when someone can't at least give me a reason as to why.
Communication was fine before so why stop communication when you want to move on?

.

I agree with this guy....besides, why would you want to please these women that apparently could care less if you are dead or alive? If you really want to find a decent relationship you must first set standards for yourself...use these standards to seek compatibility. Be inquisitive..ask questions pertaining to things you feel strongly about. Religion and politics are excellent subjects to discuss with women to get a better understanding of their moral values, more importantly, it helps you to find moral compatibility. Compatibility is the key....never tell them what they want to hear, be polite, but be straight forward, if you happen to run across something you disagree on, don't hesitate to tell them they do not meet your standards for compatibility, and that you feel going any further would be a waste of your time...by doing this- you are weeding out what died not meet the standard, and .you'll be surprised how far you'll go as far as finding happiness in a relationship. I hope this was helpful man..good luck

ok i called her and this is what she said.. 1 you suck in bed 2 she just couldnt date anyone who drove a ford pinto.3 she had two other boy friends on the side...jk jk jk. some times ppl dont want to hert others feeling. i think most know why. thay just dont want to deal with the truth!!!!!!

You've got a good point...they don't want to deal with the truth. It seems they just don't care, you've gotta give yourself more than that man, set standards for what you deserve, I promise that you won't be the last guy they play games with...I wouldn't even worry about it. I'd set my standards....search and find that compatibility, and move on to bigger and better things.

.. sometimes its better not to say anything.. rather than say something that might.. deeply hurt the other persons feelings.
.. better just to fade away.. you may think you are owed something.. they may think you are owed nothing..
. some people just prefer not to have a long drawn out goodbye. they explain to you why they don't like you.
. you're too nice.
. you're not spontaneous enough.. perhaps you have.
. holy halitosis.. what ever the case may be.
. your feelings get hurt. then you're lashing out trying to hurt their feelings.. now instead of having a nice memory of someone. you cared about.. now you both just hate each other... right now. you just have a lost love. a love that cannot be.. A beautiful.. unanswered...?..

well said handsome

You ain't never lost nothing that you never had in the first place

My last girlfriend didn't give me an explanation. She didn't even say that it was over. She just stopped talking to me. I think that I just about understand why it didn't work out and I suppose that I get some comfort from just remembering her as a mixed up girl that I had a nice time with that came into my life for a little while. It does make me feel sad that she doesn't even want to be friends anymore but I don't want to be friends with the one that I met before her. I did get an explanation from that one and although she was another mixed up girl, and I felt some sympathy for her, the memories don't seem so nice now that I'm aware of her deceptions and because when she asked me if she had hurt me I told her exactly what I thought about her and got some personal abuse back from her.

It's a tricky one. It took me five years to finally get closure with the woman that I was with before those ones and I can now remember that relationship without getting all bitter about it but although she had moved on and seemed to be happy with somebody else, she didn't really understand why it ended with me being the one that didn't want to talk to her anymore. I didn't really feel that I owed her an explanation though because I thought that I had said enough about that when I told her that I didn't think that we should keep seeing each other and we had gone round in circles for years with breakups and then rekindling the relationship by talking about it.

I have deleted several post from this thread..Keep on Topic and do not attack other members for their opinion. If they are against the rules please report. By lashing back you are no better then they are..

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