Community > Parenting Talk

Topic: Why don't more men have custody of their kids?
msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Mon 02/17/14 08:19 AM
,,,,words in a book can do little to transfer the EMOTIONAL Experience,,,, then neither can words in a conversation explaining it to a child. like I said, try 'relating' to someone who lost a child by 'reading' about it try convincing them that you truly understand or relate... words go further with EXPERIENCE than they do with mere repetition of something from a book,,,

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Mon 02/17/14 08:25 AM
some of the things considered in custody battle (According to one legal site, but there are other sources out there) http://www.attorneys.com/child-custody/why-do-women-win-most-custody-battles/ In awarding custody, judges will decide what's in the best interests of the children. In determining "best interests," the judge will look at a number of factors, including: •Which parent has the most suitable character and temperament to serve as custodian? •What is the child's relationship with each parent? •What child-rearing skills does each parent have? •Does either parent have an illness or habits that may harm the child? •Which parent will provide the best home environment? •Does the child have stronger emotional ties to one parent? •Is one parent better suited to meet the child's special needs? •Who has the child been living with? •What is each parent's employment status? •What is the financial status of each parent? •What is each parent's apparent motive for seeking custody? •Is either parent unfit to have custody? •Which parent is the most likely to allow the child to continue his or her relationship with the other parent and extended family?

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Mon 02/17/14 08:36 AM
,,,,words in a book can do little to transfer the EMOTIONAL Experience,,,, then neither can words in a conversation explaining it to a child. like I said, try 'relating' to someone who lost a child by 'reading' about it try convincing them that you truly understand or relate... words go further with EXPERIENCE than they do with mere repetition of something from a book,,, we were talking about parenting children I know, I have parented a girl and a boy all of the reading in the world couldn't make me the example of a 'man' that his father was for him, nor could it help me relate to him as well as his dad can and all of the reading in the world cant maker her dad an example of a 'woman' for her, nor could it help him relate to the things she will go through in her body as well as I Can,,,

willing2 Joined Sun 06/08/08 Posts: 20221	Mon 02/17/14 09:10 AM
Men who turn over custody to the mothers can say,"I'm doing my part. You get most of my pay." Then, we want a woman over for some wild, all over the house sex, we don't have to worry about exposing the kids. If Mama has energy enough to get horny, she has to wait til we decide to pick up the kids. We can slam dunk most anytime, cuz we free. We can pick 'em up on our weekends and have the FUN times, while Mama is doin' laundry, cleaning up after them and if she ain't too tired, go hit a club. Daumm. I am realizing. It truly is a MAN'S WORLD.

singlesuperdad Joined Fri 02/21/14 Posts: 1	Fri 02/21/14 08:30 PM
In some state like here in florida, judges like to keep the kids with mom. In my case she didn't want them. So I didn't have to fight for them. I've had them for 6 years and the youngest probably wouldn't recognize her if she desided to visit them

willing2 Joined Sun 06/08/08 Posts: 20221	Sat 02/22/14 09:55 AM
My intent was to question fathers as what they based their decision to not fight for custody of their kids.

Conrad_73 Joined Sat 09/29/07 Posts: 22488	Sat 02/22/14 10:00 AM
of course but just like I can never LEARN what it feels like to lose a child just by HEARING how others feel there are some things a woman cant LEARN about a males experiences, and some things a man cant LEARN about a woman's experience there is a host of other things we can all teach the children though regardless of gender,,,I just think those very PERSONAL things are better related to by the same sex parent,,, That doesnt fit either because all the same sex parent can do is talk about it. It will always be limited to talking about someone elses experience. If the opposite sex parent can read, or educate themself in some way about adolescence, they can be equally available and educational to either sex child. I respectfully disagree alcoholics anonymous has a support group that isn't filled with people who have just rEAD about alcoholism, but with others who have GONE through it NA also is filled with those who have GONE through it most coaches have PLAYED The sport and not just read about it survivors groups also filled with people who have similarly gone through the loss of a loved one, not just READ about it ( I don't advise talking to someone who has lost a child and claiming to understand or relate because you 'read about it') in talking about something, it is always gives better perspective to have experienced it than to have just READ about it,,,,words in a book can do little to transfer the EMOTIONAL Experience,,,, actually,it IS a Supportgroup,not HAVE a Supportgroup!

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sat 02/22/14 10:11 PM
I would guess that the opinion that prevailed when I was working with young families contemplating divorce was the fact that Most Mother's tend to take the primary caregiver role in pregnancy and don't yield it. Father's often have greater earning potential and in divided households the optimum chance that the children are going to become even more impoverished if he is not free to pursue profitable employment is much higher. Non-custodial mother's can and do often evade paying child support by trading sex for housing. Childcare is shockingly absent in all situations with many single fathers not being able to pursued Grandmother's that they should help them keep children away from their Mother's or Mother's in law; especially if it means tey have to give up their new found freedom or needed employment. Many young women do not see raising someone else's kids unpaid as desirable. Especially if it means they are carrying for their own kids. Or want their own pampered first pregnancy or subsequent pregnancy with out the stress of childcare responsibilities. This is especially true of finding care for older children. There is still serious social pressure to leave (or return) young children with their Mother's. Childcare centers, teacher's, medical personnel, employers still resist co-operating with fathers. Older children will sometimes prefer living with Mother's that are easy to dominate or ignore.

indignus Joined Sat 07/14/12 Posts: 327	Sat 02/22/14 11:23 PM
Society acts like its a mortal sin to upset a women, so they get favored everywhere except for the work force for obvious reasons

realcarebear Joined Sat 12/07/13 Posts: 6876	Sun 02/23/14 03:31 AM Edited by realcarebear on Sun 02/23/14 03:34 AM
Because they aren't good for themselves let alone anyone else! I know many men who have custody of their children and I know many who share custody. They are wonderful dads! I don't know one man who wants custody of his children and is not fighting for them. I do know and see men who just let moms take care of their children because they are no good for themselves let alone anyone else. Others are just a bunch users and abusers that make babies and don't take care of em but they use the fact they don't see their children for sympathy to get at another woman. As for why I have custody of my children...because I love them, I take care of them no matter what has to be done, I'm gonna teach them right, I don't use my children for sympathy, I'm the better parent period! Even when I'm at my worse my kids don't know it! I'll fight for my boys to the death! Also I'm favored in the work place! Because I work hard! I get the job done always. I work well with others! I respect everyone! I take pride and responsibility in my own work! I'm rewarded for that! It has nothing to do with my gender and everything to do with my character!

realcarebear Joined Sat 12/07/13 Posts: 6876	Sun 02/23/14 03:39 AM Edited by realcarebear on Sun 02/23/14 03:41 AM
Also I hardly think being told the next time police are called to a residence for domestic violence your children will be removed from the home is being favored! No worries though. I took care of business and I have my boys!

indignus Joined Sat 07/14/12 Posts: 327	Sun 02/23/14 03:45 AM Edited by indignus on Sun 02/23/14 03:47 AM
On average, women get paid less for the same jobs as men... That's what I was referring too, I said nothing to you about your kids or your job Carebear... And I have no idea why you brought up domestic violence or what it has to do with this subject...

realcarebear Joined Sat 12/07/13 Posts: 6876	Sun 02/23/14 03:55 AM Edited by realcarebear on Sun 02/23/14 04:00 AM
Just an added thought I had when I heard the comment of women being favored. I was fighting for custody of my kids then and being told I'd lose them for calling for help. My point is society hasn't given two shites about upsetting me. I didn't cry about it I found another way! I fought for my boys! If men deserve and want custody they will fight for it and find a way!

realcarebear Joined Sat 12/07/13 Posts: 6876	Sun 02/23/14 04:17 AM
On average, women get paid less for the same jobs as men... That's what I was referring too, I said nothing to you about your kids or your job Carebear... I understand you said nothing about me or my job. I commented because your statement said "...for obvious reasons." I wasn't sure what you implied so I took it as I read it and I commented. No worries.

hellsboy Joined Tue 09/17/13 Posts: 2549	Sun 02/23/14 05:12 AM
Not biased. http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2011/12/28/child-custody-there-is-no-gender-bias-during-custody-decisions.htm Sometimes they are bias!!!

hellsboy Joined Tue 09/17/13 Posts: 2549	Sun 02/23/14 05:13 AM
Just an added thought I had when I heard the comment of women being favored. I was fighting for custody of my kids then and being told I'd lose them for calling for help. My point is society hasn't given two shites about upsetting me. I didn't cry about it I found another way! I fought for my boys! If men deserve and want custody they will fight for it and find a way! Bravr girl!!!

hellsboy Joined Tue 09/17/13 Posts: 2549	Sun 02/23/14 05:18 AM
Not biased. http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2011/12/28/child-custody-there-is-no-gender-bias-during-custody-decisions.htm Sometimes they are bias!!! Ive never seen it to be the case, but I have seen men who didnt get custody complain about that when it was truly because the mother was a better more available parent. For that reason, when I hear men cry 'bias', I dont give it merit. They are typically leaving out the negative factors that came to light before the judge. Well said.... who will be the judge here?? And someone please be my lawyer!!! I just said my opinion and u have given me a whole thing to debate on with you which will end either making you or me loose!! Just chill dear... I just believe people should not divorce so that matter of custody doesn't arise.... isnt that the best solution??

realcarebear Joined Sat 12/07/13 Posts: 6876	Sun 02/23/14 05:37 AM
(Yes, Hellsboy in a perfect world.) Why don't more men have custody of their kids? Because they don't want it! Otherwise they are fighting for it!

hellsboy Joined Tue 09/17/13 Posts: 2549	Sun 02/23/14 05:45 AM
Ahhh honey!!! Ill like to have custody of my honey and her kids both

hellsboy Joined Tue 09/17/13 Posts: 2549	Sun 02/23/14 05:46 AM
(Yes, Hellsboy in a perfect world.) Why don't more men have custody of their kids? Because they don't want it! Otherwise they are fighting for it! Perfection is in IMPERFECTION!!!