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| Topic: Giving the benefit of the doubt | |
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I haven't seen any man-hating here, then again I have a tendency to only see what I want to see, so who knows? At any rate, I agree that it would be nice if men- and women- would just come out and say what they mean and not rely on hints and passive aggressive behavior, hoping that you'll figure it out on your own so they can avoid the drama of a big confrontation. But guess what? Most people are cowards. Most people try to avoid drama. Most people figure if they keep ignoring you, you'll just go away. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. Some people are sto strong-willed on getting what they want, or so dense about not seeing clues in front of them that they need to be told to go away. Those people are stubborn. They might also be trying to be nice and don't want to hurt your feelings, not realizing that being ignored is just as hurtful, if not more so than being told straight out "I don't like you" or "I'm over it" or "Please go away." Humans are complicated and damned frustrating. But yeah, when a guy (or a woman for those who think this thread is gender-biased) acts like (s)he's not interested, they're just not interested, all you can do is let them go and move on to the next one. 
I agree with this. I do think if you are interested in somebody and they led you to believe they were also interested, then its just common courtesy for them to let you know they had a change of heart. Only the selfish take the easy way out ! My thoughts exactly! I give common courtesy regardless of how difficult I may feel it is...less confusion that way! |
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I haven't seen any man-hating here, then again I have a tendency to only see what I want to see, so who knows? At any rate, I agree that it would be nice if men- and women- would just come out and say what they mean and not rely on hints and passive aggressive behavior, hoping that you'll figure it out on your own so they can avoid the drama of a big confrontation. But guess what? Most people are cowards. Most people try to avoid drama. Most people figure if they keep ignoring you, you'll just go away. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. Some people are sto strong-willed on getting what they want, or so dense about not seeing clues in front of them that they need to be told to go away. Those people are stubborn. They might also be trying to be nice and don't want to hurt your feelings, not realizing that being ignored is just as hurtful, if not more so than being told straight out "I don't like you" or "I'm over it" or "Please go away." Humans are complicated and damned frustrating. But yeah, when a guy (or a woman for those who think this thread is gender-biased) acts like (s)he's not interested, they're just not interested, all you can do is let them go and move on to the next one.
I agree with this. I do think if you are interested in somebody and they led you to believe they were also interested, then its just common courtesy for them to let you know they had a change of heart. Only the selfish take the easy way out ! My thoughts exactly! I give common courtesy regardless of how difficult I may feel it is...less confusion that way! Far less hurtful too. The truth never hurts as much as the not knowing. At least then you know what the problem was. My fella and I made a pact that if the final goodbye should ever happen, we promised to let each other know the reason . |
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Oops, i'm in the man-hating thread? The guy was looking for a get out of jail free card and your Horses were just part of the excuse to get out of there sharpish. Talking as a guy, maybe you just bored him? It happens, i've been there before, but I told the lassie that things weren't going to work out and that was that. His only reason was ' your Horses ' tells me that he can't deal with delicate situations, like telling someone it's over. There are always two sides to a story and I think the version by the OP, is not painting the full picture? Also stop running us guys down? You may have been hurt by some of us in the past? Hating on us all though will hamper you in the future when you meet a good one! you need to lay off the drinking... in no way was this close to a man hating thread, she wanted advice and posted it without any hate. just because you hate women doesn't mean they hate us... Thank you for that! I really DO hope that I did not come across as a "man hater" I am HERE on this site open for looking am I not?! I do respect ALL different types of perception, ...however, meant to ONLY ASK in a safe forum for suggestion/advice! Thank you all that are clear minded and supportive!! |
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Oops, i'm in the man-hating thread? The guy was looking for a get out of jail free card and your Horses were just part of the excuse to get out of there sharpish. Talking as a guy, maybe you just bored him? It happens, i've been there before, but I told the lassie that things weren't going to work out and that was that. His only reason was ' your Horses ' tells me that he can't deal with delicate situations, like telling someone it's over. There are always two sides to a story and I think the version by the OP, is not painting the full picture? Also stop running us guys down? You may have been hurt by some of us in the past? Hating on us all though will hamper you in the future when you meet a good one! you need to lay off the drinking... in no way was this close to a man hating thread, she wanted advice and posted it without any hate. just because you hate women doesn't mean they hate us... Thank you for that! I really DO hope that I did not come across as a "man hater" I am HERE on this site open for looking am I not?! I do respect ALL different types of perception, ...however, meant to ONLY ASK in a safe forum for suggestion/advice! Thank you all that are clear minded and supportive!! don't worry, your fine... all the other people on here are nice, as you have been... welcome and good luck 
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Sometimes there are instances where we as women give a guy the benefit of the doubt, and get confused. I know full well that many if not most men feel that women are hard to figure out...but lets face it...men are too! I myself had a very odd start to a "relationship" from another online site. He was a full and proper gentleman. Not even a "peck" on the cheek for 5 dates. Yet when there was a single instance of no communication for a day or two, I made my own plans to go spend time with my horses. When he ASKED if I was "up for something" the next day (after being ditched for the nights plans we had) His res ponce was "no problem, go spend time with your horses" Then time goes by with zero response to a text I sent him the next day...for 2 weeks! Why if this is a "sign" is it SO DIFFICULT to actually tell the girl either "hey , I am outta here" or "ya , not that into you" or just a plain and simple "loose my number! I am done"??? Why must she sit and try to figure it out and be a nusiance to her good friends trying to figure out what she could be doing differently in the future? I am sorry to have to say this, but in my opinion the guy was gay. If after 5 dates there was no attempt by him to kiss or make a pass at you then he was gay, in fact I am beginning to seriously wonder about you. It seems to me that you were not really in to him. If you had tried as hard when you were together to reach him, as you did when you were apart, with all those calls to his mobile, etc. It could have been all very different for you, seems to me if the guy wasn't gay he just gave up all too frosty maybe? This is the 21st Century, equality ladies, sometimes guys need coaxing if they are unsure, turn it up a little, guys like it hot. Welcome to Mingle2 and good luck in your search. OH trust me!!! I tried! Even talked to my little brother about it! I was my natural self(lil bit flirtatious without pushing TOO far outside his comfort zone) yet...things just kept adding up from excuse after excuse to not introduce me to his home, or outside HIS timeframe....Most guy friends and my brother told me they believe that he may have a "situation(AKA another woman/wife/ etc at his residence that he was hiding) lol...look him up and go say hello to him and the missus  
I love you
hey bunny... I figgered as much. was it the carrot cake?
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Oops, i'm in the man-hating thread? The guy was looking for a get out of jail free card and your Horses were just part of the excuse to get out of there sharpish. Talking as a guy, maybe you just bored him? It happens, i've been there before, but I told the lassie that things weren't going to work out and that was that. His only reason was ' your Horses ' tells me that he can't deal with delicate situations, like telling someone it's over. There are always two sides to a story and I think the version by the OP, is not painting the full picture? Also stop running us guys down? You may have been hurt by some of us in the past? Hating on us all though will hamper you in the future when you meet a good one! you need to lay off the drinking... in no way was this close to a man hating thread, she wanted advice and posted it without any hate. just because you hate women doesn't mean they hate us... Thank you for that! I really DO hope that I did not come across as a "man hater" I am HERE on this site open for looking am I not?! I do respect ALL different types of perception, ...however, meant to ONLY ASK in a safe forum for suggestion/advice! Thank you all that are clear minded and supportive!! don't worry, your fine... all the other people on here are nice, as you have been... welcome and good luck
Thanks again! I strive to be a compassionate individual and not be inclusive of my perception as much as humanly possible! MOST of you sure have been quite kind and compassionate with my question and I truly appreciate that! Thank you for the well wishes, and the "good luck" Same to all of you as well!! :D |
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Sometimes there are instances where we as women give a guy the benefit of the doubt, and get confused. I know full well that many if not most men feel that women are hard to figure out...but lets face it...men are too! I myself had a very odd start to a "relationship" from another online site. He was a full and proper gentleman. Not even a "peck" on the cheek for 5 dates. Yet when there was a single instance of no communication for a day or two, I made my own plans to go spend time with my horses. When he ASKED if I was "up for something" the next day (after being ditched for the nights plans we had) His res ponce was "no problem, go spend time with your horses" Then time goes by with zero response to a text I sent him the next day...for 2 weeks! Why if this is a "sign" is it SO DIFFICULT to actually tell the girl either "hey , I am outta here" or "ya , not that into you" or just a plain and simple "loose my number! I am done"??? Why must she sit and try to figure it out and be a nusiance to her good friends trying to figure out what she could be doing differently in the future? but we clear things up before saying laters dude your not worth it....i'm sorry for what you went through thats hush..... but i must say guys are always on the look out for fresh meat.lol (sorry had to say it) |
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I guess I am trying to figure out what this guy really did wrong?
You met him on a date site. Now of course you knew every possible fact to know about him and vice versa? Neither one of you could have left out any significant information about your personality, over all situation, and or maturity. He took you out on five actual dates, kept his hands off of you, and actually treated you like a lady. Wow let's get a rope and string him up from the closet tree. Well he did cancel a date; maybe we should drag him behind a car first? Sounds like he was courteous enough to give you his phone number so you could track him down and get pissy about a "date with your horse"? Not like he proposed or anything did he? And because he isn't dragging you, little more than an acquaintence, to his personal space immediately, and tying you to the bed and ravishing you he must be gay or married? Yup that just has to be the only rational explanation. Give me a break. Adult men don't jump and stick their nose up some woman's skirt just because some of your buddies tell you that you are all that and a bag of chips. Some of them actually have some self control and responsibility to figure out what they are getting them self into or deciding to pass on. They might actually have a life and heaven forbid actually have more than just you as and option. Is it possible that your behavior made you less than a priority? That you assumed more interest than existed? Or you smothered whatever interest that existed in the begining with high school tactics? A lot of desirable men don't want their personal lives mulled over with your friends and the world wide web. Not like it is all that impossible for anyone to link your accounts with photos even if you did not tell him anonymous you do use another site. |
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I do not think this is a gender issue as both men and women can be very complex and can have all sorts of hang ups, issues, baggage, and traits of character and personality.....that's why dating can be a mine field lol. I would not dwell on it for too long though. Mark it down as one of"the weird ones", pick yourself up, brush yourself off and get back out there. Well said.......... 
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Oops, i'm in the man-hating thread? The guy was looking for a get out of jail free card and your Horses were just part of the excuse to get out of there sharpish. Talking as a guy, maybe you just bored him? It happens, i've been there before, but I told the lassie that things weren't going to work out and that was that. His only reason was ' your Horses ' tells me that he can't deal with delicate situations, like telling someone it's over. There are always two sides to a story and I think the version by the OP, is not painting the full picture? Also stop running us guys down? You may have been hurt by some of us in the past? Hating on us all though will hamper you in the future when you meet a good one! you need to lay off the drinking... in no way was this close to a man hating thread, she wanted advice and posted it without any hate. just because you hate women doesn't mean they hate us... |
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Oops, i'm in the man-hating thread? The guy was looking for a get out of jail free card and your Horses were just part of the excuse to get out of there sharpish. Talking as a guy, maybe you just bored him? It happens, i've been there before, but I told the lassie that things weren't going to work out and that was that. His only reason was ' your Horses ' tells me that he can't deal with delicate situations, like telling someone it's over. There are always two sides to a story and I think the version by the OP, is not painting the full picture? Also stop running us guys down? You may have been hurt by some of us in the past? Hating on us all though will hamper you in the future when you meet a good one! you need to lay off the drinking... in no way was this close to a man hating thread, she wanted advice and posted it without any hate. just because you hate women doesn't mean they hate us... lol, I just give you the rope... |
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Until they show us otherwise, women are to be treated as Queens. princesses, nobility.
We, as men, owe our lives to women. They birth us, love us unconditionally, and raise us to be who we are. We fck up, we have only ourselves to blame. Women are the breasts we feed from. They nurture us til we can care for ourselves. Even afterwards, we seek them out to reaffirm us as men. We owe our total existence to the breasts of our mothers, lovers and wives. How , I ask, how can anyone lose sight of what women mean? We men, are of the women who bore and gave of themselves. |
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Sometimes there are instances where we as women give a guy the benefit of the doubt, and get confused. I know full well that many if not most men feel that women are hard to figure out...but lets face it...men are too! I myself had a very odd start to a "relationship" from another online site. He was a full and proper gentleman. Not even a "peck" on the cheek for 5 dates. Yet when there was a single instance of no communication for a day or two, I made my own plans to go spend time with my horses. When he ASKED if I was "up for something" the next day (after being ditched for the nights plans we had) His res ponce was "no problem, go spend time with your horses" Then time goes by with zero response to a text I sent him the next day...for 2 weeks! Why if this is a "sign" is it SO DIFFICULT to actually tell the girl either "hey , I am outta here" or "ya , not that into you" or just a plain and simple "loose my number! I am done"??? Why must she sit and try to figure it out and be a nusiance to her good friends trying to figure out what she could be doing differently in the future? but we clear things up before saying laters dude your not worth it....i'm sorry for what you went through thats hush..... but i must say guys are always on the look out for fresh meat.lol (sorry had to say it) people shouldn't be sorry for the truth |
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lol, I just give you the rope... To put round your neck, as I kick the table away from under yer feet? Ha ha, you never even had time to scrawl ' Moe was here! ' next to the one that says 'Brooks' Ha ha. |
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Edited by
mightymoe
on
Thu 02/13/14 06:34 PM
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lol, I just give you the rope... To put round your neck, as I kick the table away from under yer feet? Ha ha, you never even had time to scrawl ' Moe was here! ' next to the one that says 'Brooks' Ha ha. no, the rope is for you, all yours... as mean as you are to people, you'll be using it soon enough... |
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I think people need to lay off the personal attacks
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lol, I just give you the rope... To put round your neck, as I kick the table away from under yer feet? Ha ha, you never even had time to scrawl ' Moe was here! ' next to the one that says 'Brooks' Ha ha. no, the rope is for you, all yours... as mean as you are to people, you'll be using it soon enough... |
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Not always, but sometimes I really know how to nail a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And when I do, I might eat five of them for my next five meals, or until my taste for a nice turkey club starts to tempt me. It's nice to be able to satisfy my hunger, and every once in a while I will sit down to a buffet that has everything, and I think to myself, I could live here.
Nothing wrong with the pb&j or the club, for that moment they were perfect and I will remember that moment for what it was. |
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I guess I am trying to figure out what this guy really did wrong? You met him on a date site. Now of course you knew every possible fact to know about him and vice versa? Neither one of you could have left out any significant information about your personality, over all situation, and or maturity. He took you out on five actual dates, kept his hands off of you, and actually treated you like a lady. Wow let's get a rope and string him up from the closet tree. Well he did cancel a date; maybe we should drag him behind a car first? Sounds like he was courteous enough to give you his phone number so you could track him down and get pissy about a "date with your horse"? Not like he proposed or anything did he? And because he isn't dragging you, little more than an acquaintence, to his personal space immediately, and tying you to the bed and ravishing you he must be gay or married? Yup that just has to be the only rational explanation. Give me a break. Adult men don't jump and stick their nose up some woman's skirt just because some of your buddies tell you that you are all that and a bag of chips. Some of them actually have some self control and responsibility to figure out what they are getting them self into or deciding to pass on. They might actually have a life and heaven forbid actually have more than just you as and option. Is it possible that your behavior made you less than a priority? That you assumed more interest than existed? Or you smothered whatever interest that existed in the begining with high school tactics? A lot of desirable men don't want their personal lives mulled over with your friends and the world wide web. Not like it is all that impossible for anyone to link your accounts with photos even if you did not tell him anonymous you do use another site. All well and good.... I guess the part of the 5 date thing got swept past quickly.... I simply used that as the precursor. We dated for 3 months in full.... Up until the point that he got "upset" because I made plans to go ride with friends after being "forgotten" on the night before...We communicated quite frequently throughout each day... After 2 months we shared intimacies... The 5 date thing was just to give a beginning idea of how things started out.... |
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Oops, i'm in the man-hating thread? The guy was looking for a get out of jail free card and your Horses were just part of the excuse to get out of there sharpish. Talking as a guy, maybe you just bored him? It happens, i've been there before, but I told the lassie that things weren't going to work out and that was that. His only reason was ' your Horses ' tells me that he can't deal with delicate situations, like telling someone it's over. There are always two sides to a story and I think the version by the OP, is not painting the full picture? Also stop running us guys down? You may have been hurt by some of us in the past? Hating on us all though will hamper you in the future when you meet a good one! you need to lay off the drinking... in no way was this close to a man hating thread, she wanted advice and posted it without any hate. just because you hate women doesn't mean they hate us... Sorry you view my QUESTION as man bashing....You are entitled to your opinion... I meant no harm at all!!! Simple straight forward question. |
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