I was in an 8 year relationship with someone that said they understood my way of life but was just playing along with my heartstrings. How and when do you break the news to a potential significant other about your path delicately? At least in a way that you don't look like you just landed from Mars.

Maybe once the relationship seems like it might turn into something serious. By then, you should have a pretty good idea of the kind of person you're dating, and whether or not they'll accept your way of life.

One or more of our idiosyncrasies may be deal-killers with some people no matter when or how they are presented. If, for instance, a person wants to be dominated (or to be a strong dominant) in a relationship, they are likely to be unappealing to those who dislike that dynamic. Another example might be when one person tends toward polyamory and the other other favors monogamy.

At best, we can initiate discussion before the matter becomes pertinent. If a strong difference exists perhaps it is in the best interest of both parties to not pursue a close relationship.

Even if one party is willing to make a large a compromise or accommodation for their partner, resentments may build over time and destroy the relationship.

If you are looking for an easy way to give someone unpleasant news (unpleasant to that person that is), then there may not be an easy way.

I agree that there might not be a perfect time to tell someone something they might not want to hear, but it's easier if it's not too early in the relationship (good chance of too much info too soon) or not too far into the relationship (good chance of having wasted a lot of time and emotional investment in someone who's going to run when they hear what you have to say). So it's rather tedious.

I just don't want there to be any illusions that "I can be changed" or "converted" or that it's just a "condition" that can be cured. I respect that others have their beliefs and lead different paths in life, but I feel it's wrong to start or continue any kind of relationship without an understanding about me. Who I am is not just going to disappear - it's a part of me. I spent days or hours talking with a few in the past and I made sure up front to note that difference in the beginning.

I don't say it to attempt to be "mysterious" or such - I just don't want to be in another relationship for many years where it was all fake. But it seems like coming out in the beginning doesn't help either...it still ends up being fake like I just have a slight imperfection that can be remedied with treatment.

Out of respect for my sister I keep to myself so that she doesn't have to see what she's called my "hippie ways" even though she doesn't know the half of what I do. So I find myself constantly shut up in a corner and just try to go through they days observing the world around me without ever feeling comfortable about being myself.

I thought it would be easier to explain myself better to others if I devoted time to learn and attain skills and knowledge that have existed for hundreds of years or more, but it just seems to complicate matters more to mention your a Reiki practitioner even if that's not all you do. I thought at least if I could point to a book or study that it would help explain things on a logical level. I'm probably going about it all the wrong way and just spinning my wheels - I just don't think it's fair to the other person to not know and feel so invested in a relationship and have that part omitted from the start. Maybe like I've been chided in the past about having a too idealistic view on this is just a pipe dream. I'm just not sure how else to be though.

Perhaps it'd be easier if you could find a guy who is also on the same path as you are spiritually? Because I agree, that can be a major problem in a relationship; I've never tried to date a man who identified as a Christian. I did end up "talking" to one, quite by accident, and he became a major pain in the a s s, everything was a sin and everyone was a sinner and that got on my nerves.

Now any guy I talk to or try to be with is an atheist, an agnostic or a pagan. Just makes more sense with how I think. Is there a community where you are where you can meet other like-minded individuals and perhaps find a guy there?

you sound like a unique and thoughtful individual. relationships, good ones, happen over a period of time. people, potential partners, are revealed to us in layers like the proverbial peeling of an onion. I wouldn't make too much out of your differences as though they are a negative factor, and engage that conversation only when it becomes apparent that there is a reason.

In the meantime I would also not engage individuals who appeared to be the kind of people who will not be willing to accept me the way I am, including my lifestyle. Usually those sorts of people are not difficult to pick out. They tend to be very opinonated, judgemental/critical, and controlling, and will often during friendly convos, make frequent suggestions to you ways that you can change or improve. If someone does that to me I usually refrain from pursuing anything but the remotest of acquaintences. So I usually just talk casually and watch for signs before revealing much about myself. I cannot really tell you what to do, but that is my point of view.

I'm quite upfront about it. Thank god there's a lot of spiritual ppl in my country, and the amount of men opening up is increasing fast.
From what I've noticed here, the States are different, but I guess it also depends on the area you live in.

Nr 1 I found is that you feel comfortable with who you are yourself. Regardless where you are or with whom. As long as you feel awkward about that, you are not centered and will tend to 'wobble'. You do Reiki, so you know the drill.
So I'd say there's work for you there.
Being centered doesn't mean you have to blurt out what you do everywhere you go, but you will feel self-secure, even when surrounded by Christians. He|| I even taught at a very strict Christian school while I was doing witchcraft at home!
I don't do witchcraft anymore, but energy work, readings, healings, tarot and coaching and sometimes workshops (teaching ppl).

Now when I first meet someone, I will let him know that the spiritual/ energywork is part of me, of who I am. It usually comes up before meeting, via mail or chat. ( I make sure it comes up)
I don't lavish the full works on them straight away, but I do want to know upfront whether the man has an open mind. If not, I'm not interested. It took me years to find out who I am, what I want and this is part of me and I can't, nor want, to change it.

If someone comes to my home, it's pretty clear too, as I got crystals and crystal skulls in my living=room and other spiritual / pagan things as well.
WHen I was still insecure about myself, I used to hide the crystal skull whenever ppl came over. If I didn't, people would comment on them and I'd feel insecure, as if I'd done something wrong.
Now I don't bother, they're here, it's my home, period. And funny thing: NO ONE ever comments on them anymore, unless they take an interest, then they ask questions.

It's all about being centered yourself! As long as you are insecure, not centered, other ppl will feel that and probs think it's something that will go away or will change. Meaning you'll end up with the 'wrong' guy again.
As soon as you're centered and strong, they will instinctively feel and know that what you say is true. That way the chances of attracting and meeting the right guy will get a whole lot better!

Good luck and maybe find a spiritual dating site or some group with like-minded people!

Very well said.

I wonder if there are spiritual dating sites because that would be really cool.

I am a member of one, but it's a Dutch site, hahaha. There are several Dutch spiritual dating sites actually.
Surely there must be one in the States??

I doubt it. They have Christian dating sites, but I don't know of any other kind. I guess I could look, I've never even considered it before. Other countries are so much cooler than America....

Look here, bluntness is the best way to do it. Just tell him hey, here's the deal now how do you feel about it. He will either say he can live with it, maybe come to a compromise where you can be you and it doesn't annoy the **** out of him.

Reading the comment underneath your posting, I gotta say: I agree!! (Thank god I live in the Netherlands! I might come to love my country after all, hahaha)

It'd be kinda nice if there were a more metaphysical/spiritual like site for meeting others. I've already run the gauntlet of the few groups I knew and even dated another Reiki practitioner for a time. That one didn't work out but we broke things off mutually...which in itself was kind of an odd but unique experience. I'm not going to try and pretend that I'm off balance - I had a lot of major life changes take place within the past few years that it's worn me down a bit.

There are days were I don't feel like I can breathe. I find myself fighting with my empathic side more because it hurts too deep. Part of me wonders if it'd be better to just remain isolated so I can't hurt. If I thought being female and emotional during monthly cycles was bad...this is just worse. When I get worn down and exhausted I find it harder to filter out what I feel that's outside of me versus what's around me. I manage, but there are days where if I feel a child about to cry about not getting sweets in the candy aisle of a Wal-Mart...I about break down and cry myself.

I manage, but I don't know how much I can take and why I can't manage to get back to I guess normal standing ground.

I left my ex of about 8 years after it was finally admitted that I was seen as the mother-figure that had more income that they never had prior. That's not what I call a relationship, but they couldn't seem to get past that and I'd tried my hardest to make it work.

I left for new employment outside of the state I lived in, but everything fell apart after I got there with the moving truck. So for about 4 years I struggled first to find employment in retail and then to retain that and pay the basic bills. In the span of that time weird things like my car being stolen from the front work parking lot or having that same vehicle reported stolen never show up as stolen and being written a ticket for it and then having to prove everything that occurred by handing back all the documentation I was given copies of...it was just non-stop. Eventually I was laid off and after multiple 2nd or 3rd call back interviews with no job - my emergency resources ran out so I had to leave and go back here.

When I moved back to this state, I thought things would get better as I focused on recovering from being laid off...it just caused more complications. I found gainful employment quickly and started picking up the pieces and taking responsibility for financial issues I couldn't deal with when I had no income. I'm not entirely back where I want to be, but it's still been a fight to prove I was doing anything right at all. I was being sued on payment that I'd already made arrangements to pay and even submitted several payments before learning that I'd been sued. In the meantime my car decided to die a few times adding to bills I didn't have the resources for...it was my friends that kept me going until they all started vanishing one by one.

I'm not sure how at this point I'd have come this far without even a little support. I'm not perfect, and I've made my share of missteps in life. Right now I've got a fair handle on the other aspects...just missing the people part in my life right now. I thought that if I kept focused, worked hard and was myself that the friendships and relationships part would level out as well...I didn't think about the complications of being me as a problem until recently. I guess that's why I wonder if it's okay to be me and how to explain myself more to anyone I want to develop a relationship with of any kind.

Maybe when I get recovered financially enough to travel I can visit other areas that are cooler lol. Though I'm not too keen on flying...at least not unless I'm the one doing the flying. Giant metal birds make me a bit uneasy, but all the cool places I can't drive to on a really long road trip. I don't trust my personal swimming skills enough yet to consider boats either...

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.

Hi Kat

You probably have this all figured out by now, but I would give a thumbs up to being yourself as quickly as possible in front of him.

Your energy vibe is who you are.

I'm a bit of an old hippy myself and I am an open minded philisophical sort of person. The problem that I have with self-styled "spiritual" types though is that they say that they are looking for open minded people when they really aren't open minded themselves and just have their own beliefs that they will stick to, come what may.

"Spirituality", or religion, is supposedly not about going on an ego trip and thinking that you are better than other people that don't share your beliefs, or haven't become as enlightened as you think that you are, but it usually is I think. Met many of these people in my life and if you talk to them about things that don't fit with their world view they aren't interested and if you lend them books they won't read them. It isn't about trying to convert them. It's just about trying to get them to get their heads out of their own backsides and that's it.

In ancient times mankind learned that the path of least resistance was to let the donkey make it's on path.

My dad always said jackazz, "let the jackazz make it's own path"...

I'm not even sure what I am or how to describe myself these days lol I don't fit into any single category. I just want to know that someone that's with me is okay with me being able to "do my own thing" even if it's not for them. I don't mind being asked why I sit down to meditate and if it's not for them, that's okay. I just don't want to be ridiculed or chastised and made fun of for doing that. I don't think that whomever I'm with needs my "metaphysical resume" of sorts but being able to accept that there are parts of me that differ from the standard norm seen in day-to-day society.

I do have interests that modern-day society would kinda consider normal, maybe not for women, but still thought of as normal. When I get all my emergency funds replaced I'm saving up to learn to be a private pilot and a race car driver! I think driving cross-country for my past two major moves are the reason for that last interest lol. The first is more I don't trust anyone other than myself as a pilot in flight - at least if the plane crashes I know it's my own fault at that point LOL.