That's ^^ what I take issue with....Generalizing...What people, how many, where are all these people who are only attracted to looks, who care less about personality?...We live in a society made up of ALL KINDS of people, not just the kind you are describing....I don't think like a teenager when it comes to looks and I would venture a guess you don't either NavyGirl...For me, personality wins hands down.....

You are correct in understanding that physical characteristics are important to me (for self and a Significant Other) since that realm is a major life emphasis. That some people consider that "shallow" (while defending their own preferences) seems a bit "shallow" of them.

What I and others take issue with is misrepresentation. A decision to make contact is based upon what a person presents in profile. Less than accurate portrayal (and perhaps outdated photo) misleads the viewer – similar to false advertising.



Might it be accurate to say that some people regard BOTH physical appearance and personality characteristics important; that some give somewhat greater emphasis to one or the other; and some that consider one far above the other?

I feel the same way that personality wins hands down. I have dated men that would not be considered even average looking by society's standards; but I loved who they were. They were interesting and fun to be with. I know it may sound like generalizing but I found men that weren't as good looking or had great bodies were a hell of a lot more fun to be around rather than the good looking ones with a great body.

You're a very special woman NavyGirl ...I always enjoy reading your posts...Maybe that's because I usually agree with you...I wish I could post the pictures of some of the guys I dated and loved...For me, personality, intelligence, a sense of humor, zest for life, work ethic, and similar morals and values somehow all work together to transcend physical appearance...A couple of my most satisfying romantic relationships started out as friendships totally devoid of physical attraction "until" I got to know them as a person....This works in reverse too...I can be totally hot for a guy only to have those feelings turn cold once I get to know him as a person.....

Thanks Leigh; that is very sweet of you. Its sad that our society can't get past the visual aspect of a person. I am working with a guy in the navy whom I find has the most fascinating personality but unfortunately he is married. He is quite overweight but if he wasn't married; I would date him in a minute.

Scenario (drawn from the real world): You are meeting someone in person for the first time after communicating on-line and talking on the phone. The two of you have discussed values, ideas, beliefs, interests, etc and seem to be quite compatible.

However, when you meet them in person they are very different in appearance than you had been led to believe (considerably older, younger, shorter, taller, heavier, thinner, hairless, hirsute, bad teeth, disheveled appearance, or whatever). Perhaps their self-description was "optimistic" to say the least and their photos years out of date. You are not at all physically attracted to the person who you actually meet (and possibly even a bit repelled).

Question: Since all the "inner qualities" are still there, do you pursue a relationship in spite of the lack of physical attraction? Or, do you go away feeling as though you have been deceived?

If you are in the "personality is all that matters" camp -- and are true to that position, their appearance is immaterial. Right?

I have actually been in that situation. We seemed compatible enough to warrant meeting but I did not recognize the woman because she was years older than her profile photo and at least thirty pounds heavier (and maybe more like fifty -- and certainly not "average" by any stretch of the imagination). I was courteous and pleasant, but there was no way that I would have pursued a relationship with someone 1) whose "inner beauty" included false advertising (and who I knew from the onset that I could not trust to be truthful) and 2) who was totally unappealing physically.

Since I had driven a couple hours to meet, was I justified in feeling defrauded?

You have your right to feel how ever you want to feel.
LOOKS FADE, I DON'T KNOW WHEN PEOPLE ARE GOING TO REALIZE THIS.
Sure maybe she was 30 pounds heavier but she can lose weight but someone that is ugly on the inside is still going to be ugly!!!
To me you have this perception that IF a woman is not perfectly sized, then you wouldn't want anything to do with her no matter what. To me, that makes you ugly on the inside. BUT that is MY opinion and I have a right to that!!

Looks change over time. "Fade" may not be totally accurate. There are people of any gender who maintain a presentable appearance and reasonable body configuration to "advanced age" (even without cosmetic surgery).



Agreed -- or she could gain weight. She doesn't seem to be in control of the situation. What is more important is that she was deceptive about her weight and appearance. Is that a sign of "inner beauty?"



Agreed -- However, is there any reason to assume that a person who is appealing outwardly is "ugly on the inside?" Are there people who are appealing inside and out? Is it somehow "wrong" to want both?



"Perfectly sized" is your wording -- not my position. None of us are perfect, but some put forth the necessary effort to maintain a reasonable physical condition and appearance regardless of chronology.



You certainly have a right to your opinion -- as I have a right to mine -- including the observation that "To me, that makes you ugly on the inside" does not display an "inner beauty", but indicates something like, "If you do not agree with my opinion you are ugly on the inside" rather than respecting the preferences of others and understanding that variation in personal opinions and preferences is to be expected rather than condemned.

Do people here actually find it acceptable for a person to be deceptive in profile (by word or photo) about their appearance?

I have actually read many of your post and they are always about BMI or about weight on women. This is what I am talking about..this is why so many people have eating disorders. We feel like we have to "fit" that image of what we are suppose to look like.
I actually had an eating disorder after I lost a lot of weight. I did not want to gain any weight back so every time I came around food, I started to sweat. When my friends and I went to a buffet, I would take a tablespoon of food of something I liked and then beat myself up for eating.
People have to realize that when others talk about people being over weight IT really does effect them. I truly believe the media has everyone believing that we need to be a certain way or we will not be accepted.
Honestly the only person that needs to accept each person IS that person. When I finally got that in my head enough and realized that I am a good person and IF people can not accept me for me...then I learned how to control not getting stressed out when I was around food. This is why I would never judge anyone for being over weight...I have no clue why they are over weight. They might have a medical condition that actually prevents them from losing weight. Plus depending on what type of cancer you have, you can gain weight...the type of cancer I actually had made me lose a lot of weight.
So you may think I do not have inner beauty and that is fine, all I can say is that you do not know me. ALL THAT MATTERS IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF...I FEEL GOOD INSIDE AND OUT!!!

I do not know why people just don't be honest, sooner or later they will meet someone on here IF they talk to others long enough. I say why waste your time being something your not, either people like you the way you are or they can take a hike.
I actually met a man on here that had a younger picture of him on here. When I met him, it looked nothing like him. I think the picture might have been taken 15 years ago. He asked me if I would leave my car parked and we could take his car and drive and eat some where in South Bend..I said no, not because of his picture but because I don't trust a lot of people and I didn't want to get in his car and find myself in trouble.
He kept calling me and asking me out again and I finally told him that I wasn't interested. Of course he didn't like the rejection and didn't understand how I could turn down such a "nice guy." I finally told him the truth, if you plan on having more then 1 date put a recent picture up. So I do think you should always be honest!!!

What's the average? In Hollywood I'm considered chunky. In San Francisco I'm average. In Las Vegas I'm thin and in Kansas I'm considered invisible.
What's average depends on where you live.

I think we need to stop worrying about what the guide lines are because no matter what it is going to keep changing. Be yourself and live for yourself!! If YOU are not happy the way you are, then if you want...you can change BUT if you are comfortable the way you are...don't let society tell you otherwise!!
I think men love a confident woman..so don't let the media drag you down. If we keep listening to them, we would all strive to be a size 0. Just be true to yourself and if someone does not like YOU for YOU..they are not worth your time!!

I do not think this thread was meant to be judgemental in any way. I think the focus is on why do people feel they have to lie and be deceptive by�not having a recent picture up. If someone decides to pass you up because of the way you look, so be it. I certainly would not want to waste my time with someone that shallow any way. If you do not get involved in the forums/games and do not show your personality then you need to just deal with it. If you want someone to treat you with integrity then you should be up front and honest in the beginning. I think if you are ready to meet someone then you should have found out the information necessary to see the "real" person. There are these wonderful tools called Skype or Tango that everyone has access to. They are free video chats. With these tools, you should already know what the person looks like. Looks are not everything, but why hide who you really are.

Everyone has a different perspective to what average is. Sometime height has an aspect to shape.

I consider myself a few extra pounds lol but I do think personality is more important than what size you are ect.

Liars, scammers, players, and trolls aside, people who are sincerely looking would not find misrepresenting profile information acceptable, it goes without saying ....However, claiming you were defrauded is ridiculous...Plus,it would never hold up in court...You don't seem to have a problem communicating your feelings here with a bunch of strangers, if you communicated with this woman on-line and by phone long enough to discuss all the things you mentioned, why on earth didn't you let her know how important physical appearance is to you?...Were you afraid she might blow you off?....Internet dating sites are fraught with liars, scammers, trolls, players, etc and that goes double for free sites....If you choose to use them as a way to make a romantic connection, the responsibility for who you decide to meet is on you...Grow up....

@Jesusprincess....Desperate people do desperate things (like lie)...

Average to me is that your not neither fat or skinny or just(Average).

No its not acceptable at all. However if a person is a liar or mean spirited you can detect that more by conversations than anything written in their profile.