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| Topic: Funny jokes | |
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What's better than waking up in the morning, waking up in the morning with breakfast.
I saw what you did for a Klondike bar, and you disgust me How long does it take to get a bunch of red necks in the same room, if it's a gun convention a matter of seconds Funny quotes on the wrestling team : you should have landed on your feet, stop gurgling i can't understand you, he's so flexible his arm went the other way... I think, please make sure you get off the mat before the blood rushes out, ignore the loud snap and keep practicing. |
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What's the difference between waking up on a regular day and waking up after tgif, on a regular day you know where you are when you wake up
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What is the difference between 'complete' and 'finished'? when you find a good woman you are complete, but when you marry the wrong woman you are finished .
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They came out with new methods of torture
5 hours in a locked room with your mother in law. Read a 628 pg volume of modern politics (twice) You have to listen to the new Miley Cyrus song Has to spend weekend at work writing compliments about your boss l |
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Why dont witches wear underwear?
So they have a better grip on the broom |
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3 rules of the party
Make sure you have enough energy to make it to the car AND lock the doors To all students keep your GPA above your blood alcohol level Always bring a friend (he/she can help you out of awkward situations. |
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Edited by
GLG2009
on
Fri 09/27/13 03:15 PM
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Did you hear about the women who tried to kill her husband by shooting a syringe of gasoline in his neck?
He jumped up, ran around, and fell to the floor. She called 911. When she asked the paramedic, "Is he dead?" The reply was "No, he's just out of gas" |
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What do math and relationships have in common. They both eventually get confusing and you have to put in effort to pay attention
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How many idiots does it take to change a light bulb 5 1 to figure out what a light bulb is another to figure out where it goes 3rd to find out if there doing it right with another to see if they are doing it wrong and last one to mess it up and shoot the light bulb with a 9mm hand pistol
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Math
I asked my sister a math problem one day and it went like, if you have 10. Chocolate cakes and the teacher asks for 3 how many do you have left Answer 10 cause I don't share Then what happens if she takes 3 how many are left And the answer remained 10 Then asked her what happened if the teacher forced you to give her 3 how many do you got left 10 and a dead body |
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Don't know why any1 would be a suicide bomber? Blowing yourself up and your prize is 77 virgins? Thats not a prize, thats a punishment! Give me 2 fire breathing whores anyday!
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nice one
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What is the difference between an idiot and a politician, a idiot is unemployed
What is the difference between a drunk and a married person, a drunk wakes up sober with the feeling everything is going to be, okay |
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Person A I'm going to the store
Person B can you get me something Person A (two hours later) here's the bill |
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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup???? Anyone can roast beef, but NO ONE can pee soup
I really need to get my material from someone other then a 12 year old 
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The best kind are the ones that tell a story, comedians get paid to do that stuff
Gotta be real, if you think it's funny or make a bunch of jokes a lot other people will think so too 
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Edited by
Coolguyfunny
on
Fri 10/04/13 01:12 PM
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Cause some times I do give good advice, when I'm paying attention and not acting like my normal self
people like it when. Your on a date they be like okay I'm done telling you about my day pull out a pencil and paper label it 1-10. If you get less than 8 correct you get none for a week 
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Two friends were hanging out and they both flirted with the same girl but different times can you guess when they found out they were flirting with the same girl? 9 months later
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I pride my driving skills of safety but when I get in a wreck i do it like a boss (head on without a seat belt)
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The man was tired but had to go to work, his friend was lazy and didn't want to work nor was he hired. One day the man wanted a day off but he used all his vacation and sick days with two twins at the beach watching the beach volleyball. His friend wanted to party with twins (its exactly how it sounds) so, they made a plan and once the friend finished the work he asked him how to tell them apart and he said one of them had a beard
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