100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
| Topic: what is attraction | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
sexual tension, chemistry, etc...what draws us to another.????? what is attraction..?????..
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
sexual tension, chemistry, etc...what draws us to another.????? what is attraction..?????..
I'd have to say for me a big one is chemistry, personality, and intellect. Intelligence, and being able to have intelligent conversations. The ability to be one's self, being comfortable around that person. Trust, that's another big one..... I'm a very blunt person, and usually say exactly what's on my mind. So idk, feel free to stop me if I'm rambling. Lol |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
sparkyae5
on
Wed 09/18/13 08:01 AM
|
|
jinks....what you have to say is important
 ,,,i learn from everyone....there is a part of us [the left brain] that is logical so we say we want that person to be honest, loving, caring,faithful, etc.....then theres a part thats emotional [right brain] theres another part that's our hormones......the part that causes us the most problems in our lives is the emotional side.......inside every one there is child,, all our feelings come from the child,,,this important to know... for example ,,do i deserve to be happy.?... am i lovable..? what the child in us believes is our reality........when i refer to feelings i mean...mad,sad,glad,and scared.........have you ever witnessed someone talking about something painful while smiling or laughing..?.what they are doing is stuffing there feeling because the pain is so great.......its the disowned parts of us that cause the most problems in our lives......when the situation calls for us to be in your adult......and we are stuck in our adaptive child or critical parent then we have our problems...............whats driving us is our favorite feelings,,,,,,,,,and beliefs about ourselves and others inside our child................the only person we can do anything about is us........thats why its so important to also see our part in our lives...........men for the most part favor there left brain ...the ladies on the other hand favor there right brain....could this also be an issue..?.... both have a very good side.......its understanding the other that can help us understand ourselves......
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Your post made me smile, Sparkyae.
Throughout life we get plenty of opportunity to come to terms with those inner child issues you mentioned. The more of these issues we manage to resolve, the happier we feel. If we can also get our inner masculine/feminine energy balanced, we feel even better. It also has an effect on the type of partner we choose. Often we choose a partner who reflects a certain aspect of ourselves, an aspect we (subconsciously) want to resolve. The partner I needed when I was 20, was completely different from what I need now. At the time I needed someone who could and would make me feel safe. I don't need that anymore, I provide my own safety, I can stand on my own two feet. Now I'd like a partner who complements me. Anyway, I think chemistry is mostly pheromones / hormones. Smell of course, but I've understood that even kissing is some form of test (substances in saliva) to see if people make a good match. I've ignored many of these 'primal instincts' (is this part of the reptilian brain??) when I met my last long-term partner. I will never do so again, lol. I didn't like the way he smelled, didn't like the way he kissed and so on. But we seemed to we awesome together with many other things, so I decided these signs couldn't be that important after all. Biggest mistake of my life. Never, ever ignore those signs! I think the pheromones / hormonal chemistry is the first step in finding the right partner. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
sparkyae5
on
Wed 09/18/13 09:41 AM
|
|
Crystalfaiy,,,you made me smile also,,thank you,,,,,,
 someone said common sense is not so common,,,,,,,self awareness is even more illusive........making peace with ourselves is the only way to make peace with the world...............one of my favorite people was Eric Berne he was the father of transactional analysis..he said in order see the other
person,you have to get rid of all the trash that has accumulated in our heads......then we have to get rid of all trash coming back into our heads:all the after-burns of all the grievances you have experienced and all the reach-backs of all the troubles you are planning to get into..then you will be speechless.after years of practice ,you might think of something worth saying..we have to beware of the other person as a phenomenon,, to happen to them and be ready for them to happen to us......its the trash we are doing to each other that prevents us from seeing the other person.........in most cases its so hard to know another is because we do not know themselves..........we have to be willing to grow and change ..... 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It's a beautiful path :) Not always the easiest one, but still a beautiful journey! I found that especially the first steps on the path of personal growth and development were difficult. All the trash you have to get rid off, stuff you often didn't even know was there.
What helped me to fumble my way through was an extremely difficult relationship. At first I started my journey in order to save the relationship, but along the way I started to realize I was in the wrong relationship but still wanted to stay on my newly discovered path for me! In the meantime that relationship has ended (otherwise I wouldn't be here of course), it had run its course, served its purpose. Not the easiest decade of my life, lol, but d*rn was it worth it! Now hoping to find an (emotionally) mature man, who's also gotten rid of most of his trash, who's willing to keep on the path of personal growth etc. Not easy to find though. Not in any rush, but still, would be nice! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
CrystalFairy.......there is a couple that been working with couple's that have gotten a real handle on this, they are Harville Hendrix,Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt,Ph.D. they have written a book called ''getting the love you want'' the 20th anniversary edition is the one to get. its on audio now,i have them both......most therapy is one on one,working on one issue at a time.its a slow process,,,they have a method it's called imago therapy,,,there are now some therapists around the country using imago therapy its's extremely effective with couples.......what we really need is healthy families in this county the kids need good model roles to know how to be a man or a lady............we have to many kids raised by single parents so as a result they can not relate as adults.......and there inner child is wounded.............
be good to the beautiful little girl,,....i know you will!!!!!.......
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
jinks....what you have to say is important ,,,i learn from everyone....there is a part of us [the left brain] that is logical so we say we want that person to be honest, loving, caring,faithful, etc.....then theres a part thats emotional [right brain] theres another part that's our hormones......the part that causes us the most problems in our lives is the emotional side.......inside every one there is child,, all our feelings come from the child,,,this important to know... for example ,,do i deserve t:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) o be happy.?... am i lovable..? what the child in us believes is our reality........when i refer to feelings i mean...mad,sad,glad,and scared.........have you ever witnessed someone talking about something painful while smiling or laughing..?.what they are doing is stuffing there feeling because the pain is so great.......its the disowned parts of us that cause the most problems in our lives......when the situation calls for us to be in your adult......and we are stuck in our adaptive child or critical parent then we have our problems...............whats driving us is our favorite feelings,,,,,,,,,and beliefs about ourselves and others inside our child................the only person we can do anything about is us........thats why its so important to also see our part in our lives...........men for the most part favor there left brain ...the ladies on the other hand favor there right brain....could this also be an issue..?.... both have a very good side.......its understanding the other that can help us understand ourselves......
Yes I agree. I often find myself smiling when discussing my daughters liver transplant.... although she endured great suffering and pain before she was a year old, it gives me strength knowing she prevailed. She is now six, an we are 5 years post transplant. But what she endured, and what I he been through have made us who we are now. Painfl as it is to remember, i smile knowing she has the strenght, and is my inspiration. Sorry off topic........ I enjoy readi your posts. They are very insightful, and you are very wise. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
jinks,,,,,on topic,, off topic you can share anytime you like with me,,,,,you talk,i will listen.................
|
|
|
|
|
