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| Topic: stranger intervention | |
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I think there are lines you just don't cross when it comes to disciplining your children and that mother crossed one that day.... That is your opinion based on your perception that you are more "civilized" and "cultured" then the other mother. People from all over the world have different ways of punishment. Some cultures we would find have brutal torture as punishment, as example look at Muslim countries with Sharia Law where a woman can get prison time for being raped, and a child caught steeling would have his hand removed. Although you may not agree with this, its only because you think you are better then they are. So, I still think you should mind your own business unless a child is threatened with bodily harm. And I respect your feelings (except for the reason you give for people not agreeing, that I find ludicrous  ) ....I am old school and I believe what I learned from my own parents, "Spare the rod, spoil the child", but discipline and abuse are not the same...Child abuse is wrong and it doesn't matter who is doing it or why they are doing it...
It is your opinion that what the way the mom was yelling at the kid was abusive, if you were to tell a judge in a court of law, exactly what you saw do you he would take the child from the parents? What I saw that day, in and of itself, would not end up in a court of law even though it was verbal abuse.....And I consider taking a child from its parent a last resort measure.... If it's not serious enough to take a child from the parents, then it is my opinion that I shouldn't say anything, because abuse in any form should warrant a child being taken from a parent. But if it's not that serious, than it doesn't need to be confronted. OK... 
Hey now that the tongue is out to play I got a job for it! :p [(had to) 
I call verbal abuse...
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Edited by
Serchin4MyRedWine
on
Mon 08/19/13 04:28 PM
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I am old school and I believe what I learned from my own parents Only problem with your "opinion" is this, my reaction to what I saw that day was not based on how I was raised... Something you learned from studying apes in the wild?
If your reaction wasn't based on how you were raised, then what is it based on? 
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I am old school and I believe what I learned from my own parents Only problem with your "opinion" is this, my reaction to what I saw that day was not based on how I was raised... Something you learned from studying apes in the wild?
If your reaction wasn't based on how you were raised, then what is it based on?
My reaction, if you recall, was to do nothing...It was based on cowardice  ...Since you seem to be able to read my mind, tell me what I'm thinking right now...I'll give you a hint, it has something to do with you
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I am old school and I believe what I learned from my own parents Only problem with your "opinion" is this, my reaction to what I saw that day was not based on how I was raised... Something you learned from studying apes in the wild?
If your reaction wasn't based on how you were raised, then what is it based on?
My reaction, if you recall, was to do nothing...It was based on cowardice ...Since you seem to be able to read my mind, tell me what I'm thinking right now...I'll give you a hint, it has something to do with you
yell and spank me in a public place? 
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I am not a big fan of berating ANY child publicly but making a scene with a visably special needs child is pretty much asking for someone to step in. Pro9bably as and advocate for a child they feel may not have the capacity to deal with the situation and produce the obedient behavior a parent or extended family member might expect. That someone was caring enough for a child and the families privacy and did nothing more than write a note seems rather restrained and should be taken as a blessing. They could be finding themselves visited by Child Protective Services and the child put in Foster Care or and institution while it is sorted out and the parent gets the training to cope with this child's limitations. I do not want anyone to think that children and most especially Children with Special Needs don't need discipline and social training because they most definitely do but "making a scene in a public place is pushing that definition. . it amounted to him getting in his childs face (which is what parents aare SUPPOSED to do when communicating,, be on the childs level) and saying 'when I tell you to do something, you do it,, do you understand?' now some people are of a mind that correction should be a delayed response for the 'appropriate time',,,in cultures like mine,,, correction of a child should be immediate at the time of the inappropriate behavior,,, even for special needs children I understand the posts about the restraint in writing a letter, I kind of view it as someone playing it safe as protesting in person may be more intimidating for both parties,,,m I just feel people get overly involved, although I guess that is better than the alternative of not being involved atll,, I also think it sometimes makes a situation WORSE for the child when strngers make big deal of something otherwise small,,, |
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I just feel people get overly involved, although I guess that is better than the alternative of not being involved atll,, I also think it sometimes makes a situation WORSE for the child when strngers make big deal of something otherwise small,,, yes, could make the child feel more ashamed and berated. |
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it amounted to him getting in his childs face (which is what parents aare SUPPOSED to do when communicating,, be on the childs level) and saying 'when I tell you to do something, you do it,, do you understand?' children are not dogs. they can be sat down at a later time and asked if they remember the situation. they will remember. getting in a child's face in public does intimidate the child no doubt, but it also leaves the door wide open for strangers to interpret the action in different ways now some people are of a mind that correction should be a delayed response for the 'appropriate time',,,in cultures like mine,,, correction of a child should be immediate at the time of the inappropriate behavior,,, even for special needs children I understand the posts about the restraint in writing a letter, I kind of view it as someone playing it safe as protesting in person may be more intimidating for both parties,,,m I just feel people get overly involved, although I guess that is better than the alternative of not being involved atll,, I also think it sometimes makes a situation WORSE for the child when strngers make big deal of something otherwise small,,, you are right. the situation could have gotten worse if the child saw the parent being confronted about their own behavior by a stranger |
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children are not dogs. they can be sat down at a later time and asked if they remember the situation. they will remember. getting in a child's face in public does intimidate the child no doubt, but it also leaves the door wide open for strangers to interpret the action in different ways
,,yes, by all means, cause in REAL life,, the cops and your employer are gonna WAIT until a while AFTER your infraction to confront you on it,,, and in REAL life, after the kid has gone on to do about an hour or two of OTHER Behavior, they are going to sense the urgency of your direction,,,,
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On the flip side of this, I had an 18 year old girl yelling at her Mom and screaming the F bomb in front of all kinds of elderly people and a bunch of kids. What would you do? Here is what I did:
I admit, when it comes to kids and elderly people I lose my temper. I yelled at this girl HEY HEY WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE SCREAMING LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF KIDS AND ELDERLY PEOPLE. She was like, stay out of my business *****, that is my mom. I looked at her Mom and said, ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO TAKE THAT FROM YOUR DAUGHTER AND LET HER TREAT YOU LIKE A DOG? SHE SAID PLEASE YOU ARE JUST MAKING IT WORSE BUT THANKS..SHE WAS CRYING AND OMG I REALLY LOST IT. I SAID HEY YOU JUST MOVED IN HERE AND IF YOU TAKE A LOOK AROUND, RIGHT THERE IS AN 89 YEAR OLD LADY AND YOU WILL NOT BE TALKING THAT WAY AROUND HERE. PLUS SEE THOSE 2 LITTLE KIDS, THEY ARE 2 AND 5, WATCH YOUR MOUTH OR I WILL BE FEEDING YOU SOME SOAP LITTLE GIRL. She was like, get out of my face before I hurt you. Mind your business, you will regret messing with me. Every since this happened we have hated each other but guess who moved out yesterday because she got evicted!!! NOT ME!!!! I think if people would stick up for others this world might be a little bit better! As far as the guy telling his son in front of people...NO it could have waited. He was putting fear into his son trying to make him act better...that is no way to raise a child!!! AND yes I would have said something to him because I care about kids! |
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Edited by
Serchin4MyRedWine
on
Mon 08/19/13 06:58 PM
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On the flip side of this, I had an 18 year old girl yelling at her Mom and screaming the F bomb in front of all kinds of elderly people and a bunch of kids. What would you do? Here is what I did: I admit, when it comes to kids and elderly people I lose my temper. I yelled at this girl HEY HEY WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE SCREAMING LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF KIDS AND ELDERLY PEOPLE. She was like, stay out of my business *****, that is my mom. I looked at her Mom and said, ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO TAKE THAT FROM YOUR DAUGHTER AND LET HER TREAT YOU LIKE A DOG? SHE SAID PLEASE YOU ARE JUST MAKING IT WORSE BUT THANKS..SHE WAS CRYING AND OMG I REALLY LOST IT. I SAID HEY YOU JUST MOVED IN HERE AND IF YOU TAKE A LOOK AROUND, RIGHT THERE IS AN 89 YEAR OLD LADY AND YOU WILL NOT BE TALKING THAT WAY AROUND HERE. PLUS SEE THOSE 2 LITTLE KIDS, THEY ARE 2 AND 5, WATCH YOUR MOUTH OR I WILL BE FEEDING YOU SOME SOAP LITTLE GIRL. She was like, get out of my face before I hurt you. Mind your business, you will regret messing with me. Every since this happened we have hated each other but guess who moved out yesterday because she got evicted!!! NOT ME!!!! I think if people would stick up for others this world might be a little bit better! As far as the guy telling his son in front of people...NO it could have waited. He was putting fear into his son trying to make him act better...that is no way to raise a child!!! AND yes I would have said something to him because I care about kids! The scene you describe comes from 18 years of NOT disciplining a child and her lack of respect for herself and others. As sad as it is, her mother got what she sowed. 
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If he merely "raised his voice," be silent, but if he "screamed "at the child, I'd think of something to do that takes the attention away from the child. I think sometimes "our love for children" causes our hearts to take the lead, so I wouldnt be overly upset if it happened to me, but I would want/ need to be told in a respectful manner,
how far do you go in 'interve ning' in other familys affairs? recently, a loved one of mine with a special needs child chastised him in public (chastised as in raised his voice slightly and reprimanded him for not listening after being told several times to do something) anyway, they went on after to go swimming and having a great time when my loved one came back to the car to find a nasty note from some onlooker who had observed him chastising his child,,,, I think sometimes people go too far in interjecting themselves in the business of others without having the details,,,,no one was in dnger, my loved one would never raise his hand at his children,,,all he did wsa chastise him but because he wsa scial needs someon ,,,how far do you go in intervening when you see something,, what type of thing would you have to observe to inject yourself into another family's situation? |
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children are not dogs. they can be sat down at a later time and asked if they remember the situation. they will remember. getting in a child's face in public does intimidate the child no doubt, but it also leaves the door wide open for strangers to interpret the action in different ways ,,yes, by all means, cause in REAL life,, the cops and your employer are gonna WAIT until a while AFTER your infraction to confront you on it,,, as an adult, an employer better wait, call me into an office, and let me know what is going on. chastizing an employee in public is wrong on every level. if the cops have to chastize you as an adult, you deserve the public humiliation and in REAL life, after the kid has gone on to do about an hour or two of OTHER Behavior, they are going to sense the urgency of your direction,,,,
in real life, if you have lost your patience with a child in public, you give the child control by yelling. you can teach a child that if he misbehaves, the activity will be interupted, the child will be spoken to, and then the activity will either be continued or terminated. there is no reason to lose your temper at a child in public. they are children and they will test limits. be an adult and show the restrait adults are supposed to have as adults we all have been shown different ways of behaving by different people in our lives. no one way is correct, but most people witnessing a child (or a teen, or an adult) being yelled at in public would find the person yelling disturbing. some people may act, some may ignore it. either way the behavior is noticed |
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Progressives will call spanking a beating.
There is a sub-culture of young to older teens that don't need a spanking. They need to be called late term abortions. |
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I step in when I get that funny little feeling in my stomach that tells me something is just not right. I can generally differentiate between a parent dealing with an unruly child and one that's out of control and being abusive. I would NOT stand for abuse, of a child, of an elderly person, of any person for that matter. I'd rather die trying to help someone then walk away and live with myself after doing nothing.
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Edited by
Simonedemidova
on
Fri 08/23/13 02:50 PM
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Being a mother of three. . . You can not gage the type of child or parent a person is by witnessing one event in the day. Sometimes people are out of patience, or their kids are totally out of control all day, you never know. It's good to mind your own business if there are no laws broken. If it's a continuing problem I'm sure the neighbors and other family are aware and would get involved, it's not for a stranger to decide.
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Edited by
josie68
on
Sat 08/24/13 04:35 AM
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Everyone is different. I have 6 children and will not raise my voice in public, I rarely do in my own home, I don't see a need, it's just as easy to walk away somewhere quiet and speak to them.I would hate it if someone raised their voice to me in public or alone, there is no need, i'm not deaf. I don't believe in humiliating them or myself.
But not everyone agree with how I raise my children, we are all different. 
But I do have to say that my children are all wonderful.. Not that I am biased at all. |
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