how far do you go in 'intervening' in other familys affairs?

recently, a loved one of mine with a special needs child chastised him in public (chastised as in raised his voice slightly and reprimanded him for not listening after being told several times to do something)

anyway, they went on after to go swimming and having a great time when my loved one came back to the car to find a nasty note from some onlooker who had observed him chastising his child,,,,

I think sometimes people go too far in interjecting themselves in the business of others without having the details,,,,no one was in dnger, my loved one would never raise his hand at his children,,,all he did wsa chastise him but because he wsa special needs someone took offense,,,,


,,,how far do you go in intervening when you see something,, what type of thing would you have to observe to inject yourself into another family's situation?

i'm all for making a child mind but if it went farther than spanking a child (i still believe in them),i would step in and say something or alert the cops but as far as something like a parent raising their voice,it's none of my business

First, it's no one's business how you raise your child...not even Obama's who is trying to tell parent's what their kids should eat in school and how much, among a host of other "regulations".
Also you don't give enough details about what is said,verbal abuse can be just as devastating as "raising a hand" specially with a special needs child.

Having said that, unless the child is in danger or likely to have bodily harm done, than everyone should mind their own business.

people say mind your own business when they think they are right, but love to butt in when they think you are wrong. the situation you described sounds normal from both sides. parents do get frustrated with their children and will air dirty laundry in public (but then they get upset when onlookers butt in). scolding a child in public opens the door for onlookers to step in. the onlooker you described was concerned enough to act, but not over react and make a scene. leaving a note showed restraint and concern for the child. it could have been worse if the stranger had confronted face to face

personally, if i witness something going on that is questionable, i try to alert someone in authority. i learned the hard way that dealing with stuff myself usually does not end well. i guarantee i guarantee that sometimes, stopping a man from beating a women can leave you with an assault charge, because she loves him and will say they were fine until you stomped a new butthole in him. you go to jail and he goes home with her

(bulldog double guarantee - patent pending)

^^^ Wise and kind response

Several months ago while shopping for groceries I witnessed a mother verbally abusing her son...He was about 9 or 10...Apparently he had asked if she would buy a certain food item...When my own grandson was this age, he used to drive to nuts asking for stuff (junk) when we were food shopping, so I know how annoying it can be....This woman was bending down so she could get up in her child's face and going on and on and on in a pretty loud voice...The boy was cowering and nodding his responses...His face was red and sweaty, people were openly staring, it was awful...I did nothing to stop her verbal assault...I will never forget how pitiful that kid looked and I will always regret not stepping in...If I ever find myself in a similar situation, I will intercede even if I feel intimidated by the parent's anger....I think there are lines you just don't cross when it comes to disciplining your children and that mother crossed one that day....

I am not a big fan of berating ANY child publicly but making a scene with a visably special needs child is pretty much asking for someone to step in. Pro9bably as and advocate for a child they feel may not have the capacity to deal with the situation and produce the obedient behavior a parent or extended family member might expect.

That someone was caring enough for a child and the families privacy and did nothing more than write a note seems rather restrained and should be taken as a blessing. They could be finding themselves visited by Child Protective Services and the child put in Foster Care or and institution while it is sorted out and the parent gets the training to cope with this child's limitations.

I do not want anyone to think that children and most especially Children with Special Needs don't need discipline and social training because they most definitely do but "making a scene in a public place is pushing that definition. .

That is your opinion based on your perception that you are more "civilized" and "cultured" then the other mother. People from all over the world have different ways of punishment. Some cultures we would find have brutal torture as punishment, as example look at Muslim countries with Sharia Law where a woman can get prison time for being raped, and a child caught steeling would have his hand removed. Although you may not agree with this, its only because you think you are better then they are. So, I still think you should mind your own business unless a child is threatened with bodily harm.

And I respect your feelings (except for the reason you give for people not agreeing, that I find ludicrous ) ....I am old school and I believe what I learned from my own parents, "Spare the rod, spoil the child", but discipline and abuse are not the same...Child abuse is wrong and it doesn't matter who is doing it or why they are doing it...

Unless the kid is being abused(i don't mean spanked by that) then I mind my own business, but if I feel they are breaking the law, and causing the child harm then i'll but in.


But unfortunately everyone thinks they know best, and that it is their business to 'teach' someone else how to do it 'right'.

Growing up, my aunt's and uncles all said that the way my mom was raising us(10 kids) was 'wrong' and that we shouldn't be spanked, yelled at, or basically disciplined because all the books at the time were stating 'friend to kids', Now i'm not saying my mom was right in what she did, but my sisters weren't pregnant at 16, none of us are in jail, and we are all functioning members of society, my cousins(who's mom was doing it 'right') had 3 kids by 15, 2 meth addicted, and has had a string a boyfriends who are in and out of prison...Personally I'm glad my mom raised us to learn consequences, and didn't bow to the social pressure at the time, because it isn't anyone else's responsibility to raise someone else's kid, it is however our responsibility to stop a child from being abused.

It is your opinion that what the way the mom was yelling at the kid was abusive, if you were to tell a judge in a court of law, exactly what you saw do you he would take the child from the parents?

Well all I'm saying is that's your "opinion" based on how you were raised by your parents...doesn't make your opinion have any more weight then someone who believes how they were 'taught" by their parents.

I so fundamentally disagree with this post I have to say that how we raise children is EVERYONE's business. HOW a child is raised and treated as the most venerable and precious of societies people says a lot about that society and how long it and it's children will survive. Not to mention thrive and be a productive member of society. A child who is bullied publicly and in the family/home is way more likely to have social failure, be angry, die prematurely, commit crimes, and become a burden on society. It is NOT only physical abuse that hurts a child and society.

If the only criteria is physical abuse, which rarely is done publicly, but consistently is verbal/psychological which directly tells the child that they have NO hope of intervention to protect their dignity or physical safety, even their survival, they will eventually find a way out and it often is NOT pretty.

Do children, even children with Special Needs survive? Sure but I guarantee you that a parent that publicly bullies their child is physically bullying that child behind closed doors and the consequences are a host of medical problems both physical and mental and that costs not only the child but also society.

I guess this akin to the progressive philosophy that it takes a village to raise a child

What I saw that day, in and of itself, would not end up in a court of law even though it was verbal abuse.....And I consider taking a child from its parent a last resort measure....

Only problem with your "opinion" is this, my reaction to what I saw that day was not based on how I was raised...

If it's not serious enough to take a child from the parents, then it is my opinion that I shouldn't say anything, because abuse in any form should warrant a child being taken from a parent. But if it's not that serious, than it doesn't need to be confronted.

OK...

Something you learned from studying apes in the wild?

Hey now that the tongue is out to play I got a job for it! :p (had to)