There's two guy's sitting in a bar having drinks when one of the guy's turns to the other guy all of the sudden and say.., "Mines Is Bigger Then Yours".., so the other guy turns around in say.., "When".

I think I'm fresh out of cow jokes?

alls a have left is pony rides? but there realy good
always gets ya to your destenation

got a good dog joke

we can chit chat holly & izzy, in between?

This is a partial rant partial joke.

Some time ago I heard about this girl making an argument for the government to pay for healthcare. She was saying that the reason the government should do this was because when she was in college she spent so much on birth control that she could barely afford to eat.

My first though was WTF? What is this girl using for birth control? Is she buying condoms made of gold or platinum? Maybe she's using multiple type of birth control. Maybe she had her tubes tied, got on the patch the pill stuffed a spung up inside and switched condoms ever minute.

How many guys is this girl banging? Is she shooting porn constantly from her dorm room? Does she have a line of guys that stretches from her bed to around the corner five blocks down the road? If she's having that much sex how does she get her homework done?

Maybe I'm wrong and if I am then I'm sure someone could correct me on this. But aren't birth control pills something you take once a month? Foes each pill cost as much as tuition? Couldn't she get a sexual Olympics scholarship to pay for her birth control? Wouldn't you think if she were using that many condoms that she could get a special bulk rate?

It's not like I really care how many guys she's banging. But it seems stupid to me that this was an actual argument presented before congress as to why government should pay for healthcare.

Naming kitchen appliances is easy. You just say what the thing does and add er. Kitchen appliance naming institute. What's this thing do. It keeps **** fresh. Well that's a fresher. I'm going on break.
-Mitch Hedberg

Mmmm I'll take a pony ride. Lemme get my saddle first. ;) hehe and sure.

I think sometimes the best jokes come out of my head late at night when I start hallucinating that little Christina Aguilara monsters are out to get me. AAAAAhhhhhhh

Two blondes walk into a building... You figure ONE would see it.

Sometimes a song has a special meaning for a man and a woman. But sometimes that meaning can be cheapened.

We are the world. We are the freedom. We are what makes this place so let keep on giving. You remember that song baby. From that night I f'd you in the pet cemetery. Well that's our song.
-Mitch Hedberg

A blond walks into a shop to get a new TV. She looks around and eventually asks the shop keeper "How much for this TV?" The shop keeper looks up and says, "We don't serve blonds here."

She gets all pissed and walks off. She comes back a couple days later wearing a hat. "How much for this TV?" The guy this time doesn't even look up and just says"We don't serve blonds here." So she storms off.

A few day later after thinking and plotting she comes up with a plan. She goes in with a wig, a mustache, sunglasses and a trench coat. "How much for this TV?" The shop keeper having had enough looks at her and says, "Look lady I've already told you twice before we don't serve blonds here." The blond is perplexed. "How did you know who I was?"

"First of all that's not a very good disguise and second that's not a TV."

That's a DAMN good one.

I don't remember when I first heard that one. But I certainly liked it. Some people I've told it to don't get it though.

I also kind of liked this one.

A naked woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. She sets the duck on the bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks up and asks, "What did you bring that pig in here for?"

The woman responds, "It's not a pig."

"I wasn't talking to you."

I found a picture of her:

A lawyer a businessman and a bum walk into a bar. Each sits down and order a mug of beer and proceeds to drink when a fly starts buzzing around the lawyer. The lawyer shews it away and it proceeds to buzz around the businessman. He shews it away and it starts buzzing around the bum. The bum quickly grabs and eats it.

A bit later a second fly starts buzzing around the lawyer and it goes through the whole thing of being shewed away by the lawyer and the businessman and when the bum grabs and eats it the lawyer is grossed out but the businessman just looks at him.

A couple minutes later a third fly starts buzzing around the lawyer. So he shews it away. It fly around the businessman who instead suddenly grabs it out of the air, looks at the bum and asks, "Want to buy a fly?"

Years ago I talked to a guy from South America I think and he sent me a picture that was equally terrifying. It was a fat naked woman. Probably as fat as that one. What was really scary was it took me a while to realize I was actually looking at a fat naked woman. I could not tell from the picture where her **** ended and her gut began.

So I just want to thank you for bringing back that terrible memory just before I go to bed.

Last joke before I go to bed.

I love some of the ad I see on here. Like I love the one for this Asian dating site. I think it says something like "She love you long time. 30+ guys wanted." Makes it sound like they want to make an Asian gangbang porno.

I also loved one for zoosk. It asked the question, "Are you still single? So are we." I interpret that as them saying their site doesn't work very good either. lol

bagnme.com I was informed is kind of backwards. Here is a site where you browse pictures of people and vote on who you would most want to have sex with. But even though that is what the site is for. they do not allow nude pictures to be posted. So what if you're a guy and you click on some hot looking girl and then you meet in real life and find out she has a dick? You could have saved some time if this person had been able to post a nude picture of themselves on that site.

Who's to say that nude photo you may view of said person is really the picture of your desire interest., {dick or no dick }

That is true. But if you actually meet the person and it is their picture. Then it could have saved you a lot of time. Maybe even gas money if there were a lot of travel involved. hahaha