Summarizing the prior postings, I heard:
o You deserve a lot more,
o Wait until you find the right guy,
o You may feel used,
o You may feel feel guilty because it isn't "right",
o You may get entangled,
o If you can, go for it,
o Warning: Just sex will never lead to a worthwhile friendship,
o No! Think of the children!

Regarding the first argument that you "deserve" more, I don't buy it. It's like going hungry with your friends at the Dairy Queen because you "deserve" a steak. Beware, however, that there is an opportunity cost with having FWBs: If your social groups gain an awareness that this is a fixed part of being you, it will scare off more serious suitors. Stated another way, if you get the "rep", you're stuck with it.

Regarding the concern about your kids, I assume this would be on the down-low.

But I totally get that your busy life may not really have the time for tending to a real "relationship", and the question you have to ask yourself is if you're willing to be celibate for the next 10 years while things calm down. I think you decided, "no".

Best of luck to you. Hang in there. Keep us posted.

I had a good male friend who became a friend with benefits. Eventually, we progressed to an acknowledged relationship, although he had to kind of talk me into it, as I was actually trying to avoid relationships at the time due to some bad experiences I wanted to get over first, and I also had reservations about whether we were truly compatible enough to "go the distance" together for the long haul.

We wound up spending a decade together as a married couple. In the end, we discovered we really weren't made to be compatible for the long haul, and ended our marriage.

Through all of this, he is still one of my best friends. We don't sleep together anymore, though. The attraction just isn't there, and in fact the waning of that was one of the contributing factors in the demise of our marriage. (It was not the only one, however. And no, neither of us cheated. We simply grew apart.)

So no, not all FWB situations are necessarily a bad idea, nor do they preclude a good friendship or even the development of a deeper relationship. On the other hand, not all of them will include these things either. Your mileage will vary based on your own situation and that of the person you choose as your FWB.

This is pretty random...I am mom of two kids, one who has autism..I have been seperated for little while, divorce is almost done..I work two jobs and I go to school full time...I don't really have anyone I am really interested in right now who I would consider relationship material in fact I don't really ever see me getting back into a real relationship anyway...so is having a friend with benefits such a bad idea? considering the circumstances that is lol.

I think the decision has to take the children in consideration, I dont feel its fair to have 'casual' people around children that they may develop real attachment to,,,,,

As long as everyone is on the same page and you are clear in your expectations do whatever you want to do. Just be aware...

For women -- oxytocin (bonding agent ) is released during sexual arousal which causes bonding at a hormonal level. Over time, like any conditioned response, your body will produce it whenever you see your lover which can lead to some pretty unhealthy bonding if this is just a casual thing.

Oxytocin does not produce the same kind of chemical bonding for the guy. They are wired differently.

Dammit.....sex without crazy attachment AND they can pee standing up!!!

who says she'd bring them around the kids necessarily? There are ways to see a guy without introducing them to kids if you'd rather not bring that into the equation.

Actually, oxytocin works in men, too. Perhaps not quite as stongly in (most) men as in (most) women, but it does affect them and lead to bonding.

It isn't just imprinting, and the person does have a lot to do with it. Oxytocin does facilitate bonding in men as well as in women. I used to work in a medical school, and helped type up some of the research results on studies of this nature. I actually saw the research results and raw data.

Cool, tell me more please

I have had several conversations with friends who are doctors about this but they read the studies, they don't do them. They've said that men bond to the overall situation...the danger, the location and to a much lesser extent to the person. And they've said that the woman primarily bonds to the person.

I'd be interested in what you know about this.

Men can bond pretty well with women partners, Women can change their emotions at the drop of a hat. Men don't. When we make up our mind on a partner we can bond very well