What would be major red flags for you in initial communication here or in regular email?

They have a bitter attitude when you won't meet them after only exchanging two short and shallow messages.

They become angry and call you a jaded paranoid loser when you won't give them your private email or phone number after one "hey cutie" message.

They are in love with you in three messages.

Their fourth message contains their phone number and an explanation that the reason they are deleting their account is because they are too into you and can't bear to looklook at your face every day obline, knowing they cant have you...but want you to call them.

They will come to America to meet you...if you can just wire them one way airfair.

...but I've not been here that long...so...

Dang, that sounds familiar.

I'll also add in a few that are particular red flags for me:

Run-on sentences with no punctuation or capitalization in a message. If you send me random word salad, it isn't likely to get you anywhere.

Text speak as a mode of communication. I can understand text speak, but I read and write in English. That much should be plain to anyone reading my profile, so if you then make that first contact with my using something other than proper English, it tells me you either didn't bother to read, or you don't have the capacity to grasp what I was trying to convey. Neither of these bodes well for our interaction.

screennames referencing sexual behavior or body parts
ultimatums
bullying or guilt trip tactics
mention of sex immediately
request for email immediately
request for phone number immediately
request to webcam immediately


and for personal reasons

UNDER 30 , although some of them are very polite, its kind of an immediate turn off because my profile mentions age preference,,,,,and the reason why,

OMG, yes on the age thing. On a different dating site, I had guys in their 20s constantly messaging me, even though my profile made my own age clear and specified that I was only interested in men within a certain age range. I had to keep explaining to this one guy why I had zero interest in dating someone who was young enough to be my son!

I get the female versions...not so bad compared to the really crass overtly sexual garbage though or the name-calling...(insert figure vomiting)

Dance first, think later.

Good answers!

I especially can't stand the names with sexual innuendo's in them.

Absolutely agree with wanting to get personal very quickly ( i.e. private email and / or wanting to meet almost immediately.)

I want to add: Their profile has an egotistical mood to it... they think they are very handsome, sauve, and debonair.... chances are if they have to say so they are none of the above.

Well...that blows....me knowing I am good looking is a bad thing?

Never saw that coming!

Should I be apologetic for not being butt ugly?

Go ahead and say "yes "...cause I am way smoother and more suave than I am good looking...and I ain't ugly

some of the red flags described on here are those typical of scammers and those types of messages I now either delete, block or report as spam with out ever corresponding.

Other red flags include someone who suddenly (or not so suddenly) wants to come here to meet me from a long distance but is unemployed and or not living independently (how will they afford the travel adn hotel)??

unless a person is actively looking for work and just recent;y unemployed, unmployment and long term unemployment are red flags

extreme beliefs and getting hostile or argumentative about them (like politics or religion)

an argumentative personality soemone who says they "love to debate" trust me ladies he'll argue with everything you say - steer clear

another red flag is someone who still lives with parents - doesn't have their own place (home or apt)

any type of negative comments / generalizations about women

is from a 3rd world country where women are sujugated - unless he is already living here and has more modern ideas

hostile or negative comments or attitudes directed at others (including me). it amazes me that someone would think that a member of the opposite gender would be interested in you once you have treated them in a negative manner.

some of the red flags I have listed on here are scam tactics that I think everyone should be careful about. Others are red flags for ME based on my preferences and compatabilities and age

how about dancing with someone worth dancing with / think when you catch your breath

a comment like dance first think later sounds predatory

Arrogant men, who run down women in general.

Define "disabled for no apparent reason"? I have several friends with various disabilities... some were born that way, some suffered injuries or illnesses that left them disabled. I have a friend with a bad limp and the use of only one arm due to a childhood brain tumor, one who has been profoundly deaf since birth, one who is blind, several with fibromyalgia (causes extreme fatigue and chronic pain, which is physically limiting), and others with mental conditions ranging from ADHD to depression to autism-spectrum disorders such as Asperger's syndrome. Some disabilities are visible, while others are invisible... some have a large effect on the person's life and others don't... and I don't think any of them should be a red flag except for the fact of knowing what extent of difference from "the norm" one can personally handle in a partner.

I've dated people with physical disabilities and with mental illness. I was married to a man with a mental disorder, and I knew that going in. (He's still one of my best friends, even though we're divorced.)

Everyone has value.

absolutely everyone has value! very true

but everyone is not compatible to us or our lifestyle and values

everyone is also disabled in some way as there is no such thing as perfect

even the most beautiful and intelligent among us have a disability of some kind to some degree - even if it is not apparent or severe enough to require special help

for example, there is a trend (this is NOT absolute by any means) for extremely intelligent, intellectually gifted people to be somewhat later in developing their emotional maturity as children. just an example to illustrate that perfection does not exist even among the most gifted among us

Lifestyle, sure. Values? I'd have to think about where that comes into play.


THIS. Exactly. "Average" is a statistical construct... and "Normal" is a setting on the dryer.


So very, very true.


I've lived that one first-hand. Let's just say that elementary school was a challenge. But if there's anything for which I'm grateful in that experience, it's that it made me sensitive to how people treat others who are somehow 'different'.

Thank you for your very perceptive post.

Yep this is the type I am referring to. Someone who is on disability because it's easy money. The type that are just out to take advantage of the system. I respect and applaud those that might be disabled but are retraining to accommodate their disabilities so they CAN be part of the work force. I do realize some disabilities are so severe as to not allow someone to work at all.

Agree, could also be the good old paternalistic "women think too much, men know how to simply enjoy"?