I think we all have our very own identity...My identity isn't based on looking pretty or appealing...If a man constantly compliments me on my "looks" I feel like he is trying to mold and shape me into who he wants and expects me to "be." (To please him and fit his image.)..I never was much of a "girly-girl" to begin with...And now at 64 I'm happy to be out of the "beauty race" entirely...All through my life I've considered myself a person first and a woman second...:My identity hasn't been wrapped around my gender...I'd probably describe myself as somewhat of a nerd...Or an eccentric and non-conformist "artist type" or "armchair philosopher" or ??...Maybe a "pioneer" type of woman...But I'm just not a "girly-girl" who fusses over my "looks." I haven't worn make-up for a long time and don't intend to dye or "cover" my gray hair...I don't mind being a "wallflower" and blending into the "woodworks!".. I don't want to be in the spotlight or compete in any "beauty races."...Anyway all women aren't the "same." There are a few rebels and renegades (like me) floating around who don't define themselves by their "looks."

There's way too many skeptical people, a llittle more compliments from this male high testosterone run world might lead to alot more love making and alot less violence is needed.

Flattery is a gift. It's how you say things, which will depend on whether you make it.

I used to run into a long-time (male) family friend every so often after my husband died and during my son's "battle" with cancerous brain tumors...It was a spooky and stressful time for me. I worried that my son might end-up dying too. (And he did.)...Anyway it was nice to run into this friend once in awhile and he asked about my son. (Which was nice.)..I met him a couple of year's back when we were all vendors at a large indoor swap-meet. He knew my husband and son too...Anyway my friend must have considered me "fair game" and "available" at some point. And he started complimenting me about my legs..It made me nervous and I went out of my way to avoid him after that...My husband of nearly 25 years had just died of cancer. And my son was "fighting" for his life...I wasn't "available" and I didn't want someone staring at my legs! And considering me "fair game!" YUKKO!.. The comments about my legs were inappropriate and "out of line" based on what I was facing back then.

A shame that happened.....Death and dying, battling major illnesses like cancer, can often be hard subjects to address with social acquaintances who we consider friends, but who we really don't know that well...Even though you felt his approach was inappropriate, it may have been a fumbled expression of sincere interest or even the result of misreading your pleasure at running into him....Did you ever just come right out and tell him how you felt and why?...

Leigh..Thanks for responding. I told my friend many times that I wasn't ready to date yet...But I felt like he was starting to put "designs" on me anyway...Or maybe he wanted to be the first in line when I was ready or ?..And this changed our relationship and made me nervous...He started acting different in other ways too. (Beyond the comments about my legs.)...He acted like a "know-it-all" at times and handed me unsolicited advice...To be honest he started reminding me of my dad even though we were close in age...He just seemed so "old-school." And he seemed to place me in the role of "damsel in distress" or the "little lady" or ?...None of this seemed appropriate because we weren't even that close. And I wasn't asking him for advice. I took care of myself despite all I was going through at the time...It seemed like he had me "marked." Kind of like a dog or cat who tries to "mark" their "territory."...It was all creepy to me! And he denied that he was doing any of this and said he was fine with just being friends...We never went on dates...We just crossed paths at times...Or ran into each other at functions...Basically he only complimented me about my legs a few times. And the rest of the time he tried to make me "feel small" while he took pride in "playing dad" or the "wise one" or ?..No thank you! I don't need these type of relationships!

Morning you! ...Well, that is a LOT more info! Maybe this guy was trying to ingratiate himself to you because he was the one in need of some kind of security fix ( $ ? ) and thought his chances would be better if he moved fast while your were vulnerable from the loss of your husband and the stress of dealing with your son's illness....Unfortunately, those types (leeches) are everywhere...

Leigh...Thanks for listening and responding and understanding...I just want to feel "safe" right now. I don't want unwarranted or unsolicted attention..I'm in the process of trying to work through my grief and rebuild my life...I don't even feel like a single woman yet! And I'm not "up for grabs" or on the "auction block" right now...Besides I'm not even a normal woman!..So it's foolish for traditional men to set their "sights" on me because I won't fit neatly in their pocket. (And they'll be disappointed in the long run.)...My husband didn't compliment me on my legs or my "looks" right off the bat! He could see that I was a "different breed" and he took time to get to know me as a person...He didn't push all the traditional male/female stuff on me...And he didn't want to "do roles" either so we were a "great match!"

Sending you a hug across the miles ((((Greeneyes))))....

Thanks! I hardly ever get any hugs anymore except for when I hug my cats.