Topic: Excessive flattery...
no photo
Sat 02/23/13 01:18 PM

The problem lies in that, politeness has become so rare many mistake it for flattery....


I also think you make a good point Kitty....But I do think it's easy to discern the difference between good manners and good BS!!laugh

jacktrades's photo
Sat 02/23/13 01:18 PM
I like to compliment people here on the forums but I'm being genuine. I like to touch base sometimes with people who I'm reading their thoughts on different topic's everyday.I agree with laying it on thick being phoney, however this is a dating site and sometimes you feel a sense of desire or admiration on how some people handle themselves.For myself I'm just here to give my thoughts and read what others say not to vent or argue my points.Not being corny but I enjoy my fellow minglers.

GreenEyes48's photo
Sat 02/23/13 01:22 PM




Nothing worse than fake flattery, or obvious buttering up, see it all the time in the Mingle forums. Of course some on the receiving end lap it up so you can't really blame the ones handing them out.


:thumbsup: Exactly Torgo except I do blame the ones handing it out because they are manipulators who are willing to use others to fulfill their needs, whatever those needs might be...I read the OP as a point Greeneyes is making about relationships "in general", not just romantic relationships, all types of relationships....AND Claire, I totally agree with you...I am suspicious of people who lay it on thick, lay it on constantly, and agree with everything that is said by everyone who says it even when it is a direct contradiction to what they stated in prior conversations... These types seem blinded by an excessive need for attention that could stem from any number of personal problems...If they don't realize how transparent their BS is to the majority, they are certainly not going to be conscious of the damage they can and do inflict on people who, for what ever reason(s), lap up this fake flattery....I avoid them like the plague they are...

You ask what happens after they get their "sale".....The product they are selling is usually returned due to false advertising....


Great post! And I'm not just trying to "butter you up" either!..You're right...I was talking about manipulation tactics in general..Recently another widow befriended me in the grief section of another forum and she "went crazy" complimenting me on and off the forum...I asked her to stop many times because it was just "too much" for me and I felt embarrassed...She keeps choosing a new "best friend" of the month and "pumps" each new friend "way up" and puts them on a pedestal...The trouble is that she gets bored pretty fast and keeps moving on to "score" with someone "new!"...I guess this is what "one-night stands" are all about...No one wants to stick-around to have a "real relationship!" It's all about the "art of seduction!" What do you think?



I think some of it is about "mastering the art", playing games, killing boredom...Those people are not a big deal because their transparency and egocentricity make them pretty easy to spot and even easier to write off if you so choose (though you would never convince them of thatlaugh ) ...It's the peeps who use other peeps through deceptions like fake flattery or azz kissing to get what they want rather than hard work or honesty just because they can, just because they see an opportunity and take it....Those are the peeps that turn my stomach...
You're right...Some people are actual "scammers." But it's just amusement for other people. Or a personna or identity they've adopted and enjoy playing-out...I'm more of a "let's cut to the chase" kind of person...I learned to be this way with my kids. If I thought they were trying to "butter me up" I'd say something like: "Spill the beans. What do you want?"

no photo
Sat 02/23/13 01:22 PM


laugh I see krupa got things stirred up again....
he's got a big...uh....spoon whoa


How do you know?:angry:

no photo
Sat 02/23/13 01:29 PM

I like to compliment people here on the forums but I'm being genuine. I like to touch base sometimes with people who I'm reading their thoughts on different topic's everyday.I agree with laying it on thick being phoney, however this is a dating site and sometimes you feel a sense of desire or admiration on how some people handle themselves.For myself I'm just here to give my thoughts and read what others say not to vent or argue my points.Not being corny but I enjoy my fellow minglers.


:thumbsup:

oldsage's photo
Sat 02/23/13 01:34 PM
Title should be something about SMOKE getting Blown up your azz.

no photo
Sat 02/23/13 01:41 PM

Title should be something about SMOKE getting Blown up your azz.


laughBS enema?

GreenEyes48's photo
Sat 02/23/13 01:45 PM
Edited by GreenEyes48 on Sat 02/23/13 01:47 PM

The problem lies in that, politeness has become so rare many mistake it for flattery....
I think it's good to remember that we all come from different cultures. Something that we consider "being friendly" or polite may be viewed in a different light by someone from another culture...A couple of years ago my friend's husband went online to get a quote from his insurance company for me and my son...My friend's husband turned to my son and said: "What year is your pile of crap out there?" He was talking about my son's car...After we left my son asked if my friend's husband was in a bad mood or ?..Nobody had ever called his a car a "pile of crap" before or talked that way to him...I told my son that it was probably a "guy to guy" thing in my friend's husband's culture. And it was probably a sign of "closeness."...Sometimes it can take awhile to interpret and understand other people's cultures!

xxL4LUNCHBOX's photo
Sat 02/23/13 01:45 PM

Ha! You are all amatures....

You don't give excessive flattery ....

Or you don't accept excessive flattery....

Obviously the problem is you.....

If the problem is you won't accept some good brown nosing...you are stuck up...flirt with your self...see how far it gets you.

You refuse to flirt excessively? Great!...I will flirt like a mad man.....and I will score that tail.

So....you kids go on with being shy and repressed
I will make those chicks feel sexy.


tails and chicks ?? sorry im not intoo farm animals here ..sheesh

GreenEyes48's photo
Sat 02/23/13 02:10 PM
Edited by GreenEyes48 on Sat 02/23/13 02:32 PM

I like to compliment people here on the forums but I'm being genuine. I like to touch base sometimes with people who I'm reading their thoughts on different topic's everyday.I agree with laying it on thick being phoney, however this is a dating site and sometimes you feel a sense of desire or admiration on how some people handle themselves.For myself I'm just here to give my thoughts and read what others say not to vent or argue my points.Not being corny but I enjoy my fellow minglers.
I enjoy being here too. And I've learned a lot from reading posts and interacting with others...Women deal with the "flattery stuff" more than men probably do. But it's part of dating and male/female relationships. So I thought it might be a good topic to discuss.

no photo
Sat 02/23/13 02:33 PM



laugh I see krupa got things stirred up again....
he's got a big...uh....spoon whoa


How do you know?:angry:
I've seen him stir the pot :angel:

no photo
Sat 02/23/13 03:02 PM




laugh I see krupa got things stirred up again....
he's got a big...uh....spoon whoa


How do you know?:angry:
I've seen him stir the pot :angel:


surprised Did you take pictures? *hoping*bigsmile

xxL4LUNCHBOX's photo
Sat 02/23/13 03:06 PM





laugh I see krupa got things stirred up again....
he's got a big...uh....spoon whoa


How do you know?:angry:
I've seen him stir the pot :angel:


surprised Did you take pictures? *hoping*bigsmile


This is my spoon there are many spoons just like it but this one is mine laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh

no photo
Sat 02/23/13 03:08 PM





laugh I see krupa got things stirred up again....
he's got a big...uh....spoon whoa


How do you know?:angry:
I've seen him stir the pot :angel:


surprised Did you take pictures? *hoping*bigsmile
yes, butt don't tell anybody spock

FearandLoathing's photo
Sat 02/23/13 03:36 PM

I tend to be suspicious of men or women who "lay it on thick" and shower me with compliments right off the bat..Or people who express a great deal of interest in me (and what I say) when it just doesn't seem totally "real" or sincere...I don't want to be an "easy mark!".. Some people are "brown-nosers" and they rely on manipulation tactics to "get ahead" or "gain favors." (Or get attention etc.)...Have you noticed this?...They are "salespeople" in disguise! But what happens after they get their "sale?" Will they still act the same way? Or will they grow bored and look for someone new to "butter-up" and impress?


I guess you wouldn't know, would you?

I personally compliment women quite often if I find something attractive about them, nice to know that most of them are looking at me as a "Suspect" right off the bat...Don't know, seems kind of narrow to me.

GreenEyes48's photo
Sat 02/23/13 04:12 PM


I tend to be suspicious of men or women who "lay it on thick" and shower me with compliments right off the bat..Or people who express a great deal of interest in me (and what I say) when it just doesn't seem totally "real" or sincere...I don't want to be an "easy mark!".. Some people are "brown-nosers" and they rely on manipulation tactics to "get ahead" or "gain favors." (Or get attention etc.)...Have you noticed this?...They are "salespeople" in disguise! But what happens after they get their "sale?" Will they still act the same way? Or will they grow bored and look for someone new to "butter-up" and impress?


I guess you wouldn't know, would you?

I personally compliment women quite often if I find something attractive about them, nice to know that most of them are looking at me as a "Suspect" right off the bat...Don't know, seems kind of narrow to me.
Maybe it's good to ask the women how they feel about your compliments. I'm sure a lot of women really enjoy them...I get a little uncomfortable if a lot of compliments are focused on my "looks" because I don't wrap my identity around my "looks" like some women may do...I'm used to compliments like: "You definitely know all the short-cuts around here. Good for you."...Or: "That was a great idea!" Or: "I admire your strength and stamina. You lost your husband and both your sons and you still manage to get up every morning and do what you need to do each day."...When I compliment people I tend to focus on their "strengths" and ideas and insights and their accomplishments. (Big and small.)...But this is just me! I know we're all different.

beaststud's photo
Sat 02/23/13 04:16 PM
I'm going to the strip club laterlove

GreenEyes48's photo
Sun 02/24/13 05:17 AM
I think we can "program" and "condition" the people in our lives by our comments and compliments. (Or by not saying anything.)...I was definitely aware of this when I was raising my sons...I didn't want to make them fit into my "mold" by only noticing certain things they did and ignoring everything else...If a man only compliments me about my "looks" or my cooking or my so-called "feminine traits" I feel like I'm being pushed into a "mold" and told who I'm expected to "be."...And it won't work-out because I don't want to limit myself to "kitchen tools" or pots and pans...My husband didn't want to be stuck or confined to a "man cave." He wanted to feel free to "spread his wings" and venture into many different areas...I'll never be some man's doll or "pretty little thing." But I make a good "partner" to have around when any kind of work needs to be done.. And when problems need to be solved.

Winlei's photo
Sun 02/24/13 05:39 AM
Edited by Winlei on Sun 02/24/13 05:52 AM
People sometimes craved for the appreciation and praises of others because they lack that attention. I cannot blame them though. Those manipulator is taking advantage of the weakness of others. Wearing make up is not just for catching attention unless its too thick. I wear makeup whenever i felt like im not confident to face others. Whenever someone is flirting with me i returned the gesture. If they email me and they showed their interest i'd clearly tell them that i can only offer friendship. Better start getting to know each other. I also complement others. I dont want to stick on what ive seen physically but to what s/he is inside.

Toodygirl5's photo
Sun 02/24/13 09:20 AM
I wouldn't want a man that didn't know how to "flirt". Some men know how and some don't. I do not mean excessive flirting just know how too.