In answer to the question, if two people agree to be monogamous and one of them cheats, they have broken the contract, at which point the agreement and any rider that went along with it, becomes null and void.

All bets (and agreements) are off at that point.



In answer to the above questions, they have nothing to do with who cheated on who, unless these particular issues were covered in the contract/agreement.

If your cheating partner did not want to move out and neither did you, then you could just become roommates, or the agreement to be monogamous would be null and void. This means that you could both date other people even if neither of you want to move out.

If you take the drama and emotionalism out of it, it just boils down to a breached contract or agreement.

Well, technically she wasn't "cheating" on me because I was involved with a woman that was seeing someone else as well and she told me about him but she was telling some lies about how it was "over" with him when it wasn't and it just came to the point one night when I couldn't handle it anymore and I had to tell her that I didn't think that we should see each other anymore. I had put up with a hell of a lot from that woman and had kept taking her back but if she wanted to be with someone else he could have her and good luck to him.

I find the idea of having to get permission from someone else for my "behavior" to be an infringement on my self expression. I would not impose that on my significant other.

When you have a contract or agreement to be monogamous that means not to have sex with anyone else. Unless that agreement includes details on how you should behave then you have no right to demand he have permission to flirt, fantasize, chat or exchange pictures.

If you want to get your partner's attention away from that then you need to go to work on that.

Freedom is paramount. Don't be a jealous controlling tyrant. That will drive someone away from you. Learn how to attract rather than putting a choke hold on a person.

It has to start with communicating over, and over, and over. Peoples needs from each other change over time as does what they can give and they have to communicate that honestly with each other. That is why it would be important to me to revisit the expectations of the relationship with each other and assess whether we both were still in it to win it,, so to speak. No one person can maintaine it alone, so we would BOTH have to be involved in whatever efforts necessary to eliminate whatever the motivation was to start seeking attention elsewhere. IF that motivation cant be successfully eliminated, it would depend upon the overall health and happiness of our relationship before I would decide to move on. IF I had a great guy in all other areas . a great provider, great with and to the kids, smart and good to me and honest ,,,,,I may be able to accept the flaw of flirtatiousness or whatever.

IT all comes down to the details. Is he a disrespectful and inconsiderate jerk, or just a naturally flirtatious person? Is he misleading other women into thinking there could be a relationship(in which case he is an inconsiderate jerk), or is he flirting with women in a way that doesnt imply any other than attraction?

I actually don't have the strength or desire for choke holds, and allowed my ex to live as he pleased throughout the entire 18 years of our marriage... preventing others self expression isn't my thing... however, back in the day, when I still believed in love, honor, and obey, I assumed that when people get married monogamy is implied, not literally contracted...

so in actuality it's best to have signed contracts of agreements regarding what is acceptable behavior and what isn't, before cohabiting together... because there are those who under normal circumstances behave logically regarding any and all situations they encounter, but who on the other hand, once faced with this type of emotional/psychological burning might not conduct themselves as calmly as they know they should...

Contracts do not have to be signed to be legal, although in court it certainly helps. It never hurts to get it in writing, but in relationships it at least needs to be understood.

Pre-nuptial agreements are used in some cases.

sorry to hear about this unfortunate experience, tawt... you do attract the most entertaining of women... exciting for a time... until reality sinks in... I do enjoy reading about your life from the honestly blunt perspective that you proffer it...

Thanks. Maybe I have bad taste in women or maybe "nice" girls aren't interested in getting involved with me or maybe it's that I just take the atitude that having a girlfriend is better than being alone even if they are the sort of women that a lot of other men would avoid like the plague or maybe it's all of those things. I'm not sure. I don't know but I am prepared to put up with quite a lot from women and probably get on better with women that are a bit naughty, rather than prim and proper types I guess. I'm a bit of a rogue and a misfit anyway and I've always found people that aren't just "normal" interesting. I see myself as being like a sort of Scottish Jack Keroak, if you know what I mean.

We would have to split. Maybe down the road with some understanding we could get back together, but not in the situation at hand. I'd leave to keep it simple. - That said, I'm a loner at heart and essentially wouldn't live with my partner. It's a rare find; someone who loves you and you love them that understand this way of life. That's why I'm here: looking for 1 in 6 billion.

If I am living with my spouse, and he cheated on me, I would split up, with both will sell our home and split the difference. I do not do Livin Men, so I would have to me married. A man can not cheat on a woman, if she is Not his wife. IMHO

Interesting... I've never thought of a lover having sex with another person other than his lover as not cheating on the original lover...

Yep, many people do not think of it that way. I do and always have. The couple Not married, have No real committment to one another. The man is as much another woman's as he is to the woman, he is livin with, Not married too.

You’re living with your significant other, either as lovers or as spouses, while trusting that you’re both being monogamous, one of you cheats. The relationship is okay up to this point, and the non-adulterer has little reason to suspect there is a problem in the relationship that might tempt the other to stray, so it’s unexpected and causes a serious wound in the heart of the faithful partner. Now, what do you do as a direct result of this breach in your love?

If you decide to remain together, do you try to regain the trust you had before the incident, and become closer to each other, never to cheat again? Or might you stay together not so much for love at this point, but for financial/economic reasons, because in today’s economy it’s easier to live well with two incomes instead of just one, and you can even separate in the residence by having your own rooms, perhaps even having an open agreement now, where either partner is free to meet someone else and move on?

If not, and you’re lovers who are renting with the lease signed by both, who would move out if a complete break down occurs? And likewise, if you’re married “without children” to consider, and you have a mortgage, which spouse would stay; the one who could afford to pay the monthly notes on the residence, even if they are the adulterer?

Would your decision about who leaves even be based on the financial aspects of your relationship, or would the offender automatically have to move out as punishment for their error in judgment?

Or, in this day and age when our sexual behavior is touted as being open and easily accessible, now that it’s the acceptable norm to just “love the one we’re with”, is it wiser to expect that cheating might occur in any relationship, so we go into one already prepared to overlook this activity?

And what do you consider cheating to be? Can flirting be a form of cheating? And if so, should people in committed relationships be free to flirt with others?

You’re living with your significant other, either as lovers or as spouses, while trusting that you’re both being monogamous, one of you cheats. The relationship is okay up to this point, and the non-adulterer has little reason to suspect there is a problem in the relationship that might tempt the other to stray, so it’s unexpected and causes a serious wound in the heart of the faithful partner. Now, what do you do as a direct result of this breach in your love?

Will you both salvage this relationship and forgive the adulterer, or separate?

If you decide to remain together, do you try to regain the trust you had before the incident, and become closer to each other, never to cheat again? Or might you stay together not so much for love at this point, but for financial/economic reasons, because in today’s economy it’s easier to live well with two incomes instead of just one, and you can even separate in the residence by having your own rooms, perhaps even having an open agreement now, where either partner is free to meet someone else and move on?

If not, and you’re lovers who are renting with the lease signed by both, who would move out if a complete break down occurs? And likewise, if you’re married “without children” to consider, and you have a mortgage, which spouse would stay; the one who could afford to pay the monthly notes on the residence, even if they are the adulterer?

Would your decision about who leaves even be based on the financial aspects of your relationship, or would the offender automatically have to move out as punishment for their error in judgment?

Or, in this day and age when our sexual behavior is touted as being open and easily accessible, now that it’s the acceptable norm to just “love the one we’re with”, is it wiser to expect that cheating might occur in any relationship, so we go into one already prepared to overlook this activity?

What do you Minglers think about cheating, are you for, or against it?

And what do you consider cheating to be? Can flirting be a form of cheating? And if so, should people in committed relationships be free to flirt with others?

Yep, many people do not think of it that way. I do and always have. The couple Not married, have No real committment to one another. The man is as much another woman's as he is to the woman, he is livin with, Not married too.

I would feel foolish for trusting. I think the relationship is doomed at that point. Maybe it would continue as a different kind of relationship.

I can imagine people being happy with this arrangement. I have a hard time picturing it for myself.

Difficult to answer. Whatever is legal/decided by a judge is best, with effort put toward simplicity.

I don't believe in punishing infidelity. It would not help me deal with what happened. It is the fact that it happened that is painful, not so much who is at fault.

I don't believe in forcing people to behave. I want my trust to mean something. I want our love to be the reason for fidelity, not the fear of doing wrong.

I don't think flirting is cheating, although it can hurt my feelings. What is or isn't ok depends on what is most important to the couple.
There is a danger in thinking too much about what is or isn't ok in detail. It can kill the romance.