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| Topic: Liar liar for a partner | |
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The problem with being completely honest is that you are liable to put your foot in your mouth a lot. In a previous relationship I told my girlfriend absolutely everything. She was a rather tempremental woman and that probably made us incompatible. Saying that though, she was telling me what she felt when she got annoyed with me and talking about your feelings is what it's all about I think. when people are honest, they don't stick their feet in their mouth, the people hearing it are wearing their feelings on their sleeves... people do not want honesty, they want to be lied to. |
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Tawt: Actually; when I meet a man; I don't divulge anything about my past relationships and go in on a positive note. I have a two-way conversation so yes they get time to speak. The only negative thing I have is I have never been married and that I served in the military. I won't lie about that. That is what puts them off among other things. I had one guy say that he couldn't date me because I knew too much. Had another say I was too muscular. Anyways; it doesn't matter anymore. I have better things to do than waste my time trying. twat... hahhahaa funny name... anyway, hi NG!!  
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Tawt: Actually; when I meet a man; I don't divulge anything about my past relationships and go in on a positive note. I have a two-way conversation so yes they get time to speak. The only negative thing I have is I have never been married and that I served in the military. I won't lie about that. That is what puts them off among other things. I had one guy say that he couldn't date me because I knew too much. Had another say I was too muscular. Anyways; it doesn't matter anymore. I have better things to do than waste my time trying. twat... hahhahaa funny name... anyway, hi NG!!
Hi Mightymoe. Hope you are having a fantastic day.
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Lying means someone has something to hide,sometimes it may be someones own fear that causes the lie and it may be for a harmless reason,but id say most the time people lie because of an agenda,by that Imean they don't have a pure motive on their intentions with the relationship,and lies are a clear sign of not having a commitment,and if a serious loyal relationship is what your interested in then kick the liar to the curb,if two people really want to be together then they need to have trust,loyalty,and no judgements or unreasonable expectations
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The problem with being completely honest is that you are liable to put your foot in your mouth a lot. In a previous relationship I told my girlfriend absolutely everything. She was a rather tempremental woman and that probably made us incompatible. Saying that though, she was telling me what she felt when she got annoyed with me and talking about your feelings is what it's all about I think. Sometimes the truth hurts. Everyone's heard that. Because it's true. Delivery of the truth matters as well. And....wait for it, you can't lie because you're afraid of the reaction. That's cowardly to me, and not smart, cause now you have a lie to babysit. Like I said, throw the cards out and let them land where they may. |
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Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Wed 01/30/13 02:16 PM
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Yes yes... of course.... It is a personal goal to want to be a better person. Yup, by my own standards. I know others like me as well. I really could spit nails when people repeat over and over how we are not perfect. I don't do well with someone stating the obvious. I am blunt and truthful to the point of flaw perhaps. Sue me. lol Like I said before, There would be no reason to lie if everyone understood we aren't perfect. Lying is the product of attempting to appear perfect. I don't want to be in a relationship with the government. Personal relationships are built on trust.... but not your relationship with the government. Of course they expect people to lie. There should be one person in your life that you never tell lies to. That you can be yourself completely and lie very minimally. Your partner. Perhaps your example won't work. Perhaps not... I see your point. But just as a hypothetical... a game? Are you saying that you've never lied? That under no circumstances, you'll ever lie in the future? That you understand life so completely that you aren't lying to yourself even now? I doubt it. Philosophical BS, perhaps... but this is human nature. Learn to trust the core-being of your partner... not the words coming outta their mouth. Find a common moral code that you both believe in... and leave it at that. We'll all break it... but it's the ones that can return to it taht you can count on. Undefined; a moral-code is like paper in the wind... a cork in the ocean. So demand it. jmho. No offense but, this is what I got from my ex lol. Help! lol Of course I'm not saying I've never lied. Is that even possible? I'm saying, that your partner is not the person to lie to. But if you do...go back and tell the truth. Question for you: How do you know the core being of your partner if they lied about their core? You can only see into someone so much...the rest?.. they have to tell you. If it's a freaking lie, who do you know? That person? Or their lies? |
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Lying means someone has something to hide,sometimes it may be someones own fear that causes the lie and it may be for a harmless reason,but id say most the time people lie because of an agenda,by that Imean they don't have a pure motive on their intentions with the relationship,and lies are a clear sign of not having a commitment,and if a serious loyal relationship is what your interested in then kick the liar to the curb,if two people really want to be together then they need to have trust,loyalty,and no judgements or unreasonable expectations I agree with you 100% You're on my team yaaay!
To some "unreasonable expectations" is to ask for the truth in everything. |
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Wed 01/30/13 02:46 PM
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Personally; I would rather be hurt with the truth than a lie. I can get over the truth but will never get over someone lying to me as eventually; the truth will come out. Once I lose trust with a person; I will never trust them again ever.
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Tawt, Bte... you said nobody is perfect... i know... and when people lie they are only trying to cover up imperfections. If we all know we're not perfdct... then why the lie game? If someone cant figure that much out by 40I lol i cant play lol Well, you have a point I suppose and all I was really saying is that I do think that it is important to be honest and I am but I don't know if it's a great idea to hit someone with all of the stuff that could put them off straight away before you have tried to make a good impression first. I have tried it both ways though. I have said to women when I first met them, "There's this thing about me that I should probably just tell you now because if you aren't looking for a guy like me I don't want to waste your time". It's something that they are going to find out anyway, so no point in lying about it really and I just wait for the right moment to say it. I mean, I would be up front about it before I even asked them out on a date. I might downplay it a bit though because even though I've told them I've told them lots of things about myself and you just don't know how people are going to react when they actually meet you and face the reality of it and who you are. Personally, I expect women to tell fibs and not be completely open and honest when I first talk to them and I just had a brief relationship with someone that was rather economical with the truth and reluctant to communicate properly. I don't hate her for it and although she did end up hurting me I believe her when she says that she is trying to be a good person. To be fair, I went into that relationship knowing a few things about her that she was honest about (at least to a certain extent) and I knew that I was getting myself into something that would probably be difficult. I just thought that if we both worked at the relationship we would grow closer together and she would open up and be honest about herself and her feelings but she said that she found it difficult to talk about her feelings and trust and I tried to be patient with her. She wanted a caring patient guy and not someone that was going to intterogate and criticise her and all I could really do was to say that I thought that we needed to have a proper chat but I didn't want to start arguments and I was waiting for her to bring things up in conversation so that we could talk about them. Hey Tawt. I get where you are coming from. I am always upfront and honest when I meet a guy for the first date. Needless to say; there is never a second date. 
Well, I don't know why that would be obviously because I've never met you and know very little about you. Maybe this is just me but like I said, I've gone out with women that have told me things about themselves that would make a lot of other guys run in the opposite direction. The last two women I dated had serious issues that they told me about but I still wanted to keep seeing them. I was in an on and off relationship with someone for a few years that was a bit mental and made my life a misery a lot of the time but I am prepared to put up with quite a lot from women and I may be atrackted to people that aren't "normal". It's possible that you are putting off men by doing your completely honest and upfront thing because they come away thinking, "Too much information" or you could be talking about yourself too much instead of having a proper conversation or it could be that you come across as being negative about yourself by going on about your problems or something. I met a girl in the street a few months ago and she said hello and we had a chat. She was an atractive girl and we actually had common interests but she told me all about how she had mental health problems and just went on and on about herself. Her having mental health problems wouldn't really have been a turnoff but her being full of herself was. Of course, she most probably was like that because she did have mental health problems but we all have problems and someone that is only interested in their self is going to put most people off. When I meet a woman it is because I want to get to know her but I want to do that gradually. I want a novel and not a short story if you like. I want to come away from the first date wondering what I'm going to find about her next. Perhaps it is that I want to feel like she is telling me things because I'm someone special that she feels that she can say things to that she wouldn't just tell to some complete stranger. I love how this man assumes you may have talked about yourself too much and told him all your deep secrets on the first date lol. Why does it seem men always sum all of us women up together??? Don't they hate it when we do that about them? hypocrite comes to mind right now.... Most women are like this... talk too much... talk about their ex...etc. Some women are intelligent and know better than to do this type of crap. Some of us are scientist, chess players, and Navy-men! Yes, women has "men" in it too. lol So maybe watch for some of us. Well, saying that it's possible that she might have done something is hardly assuming anything. And yes, I've talked about myself too much on dates sometimes and moaned on about my problems etc, so no hypocrisy here. I'm sorry if you think that I'm just attacking women here but I can only talk from personal experience and I'm not gay and have never been romantically involved with a man. As far as men go, I can only speak for myself. Feel free to keep posting "Men do that too" if you like though. I can say I took no offence to what you said Tawt as you stated that you didn't know me and just said it might be possible; so you didn't accuse me of this. Its all good.
Yes yes... me too...I know... but it was the mere suggestion that gets me. It's the first place to go. I guess I do it with men too. waaaah! 
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Personally; I would rather be hurt with the truth than a lie. I can get over the truth but will never get over someone lying to me as eventually; the truth will come out. Once I lose trust with a person; I will never trust them again ever. perfect
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Wed 01/30/13 02:48 PM
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No worries Mountainwatergirl. It was just a misunderstanding.
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No offense but, this is what I got from my ex lol. Help! lol Of course I'm not saying I've never lied. Is that even possible? I'm saying, that your partner is not the person to lie to. But if you do...go back and tell the truth. Question for you: How do you know the core being of your partner if they lied about their core? You can only see into someone so much...the rest?.. they have to tell you. If it's a freaking lie, who do you know? That person? Or their lies? Well now, I disagree with the premise that you can't know a person's core being. The quintessential mistake being that we don't often take the time to learn it before we move into action... like getting married od even falling in love. Yeah, yeah, they tell you this and that. I do the same... I'm no different in that respect. But if you rely on what others tell you... to the point that you disregard your own observations, your own intuition? Did you bother to look deeply? Listen... I don't wanna judge you or anyone, but your life is your own. Trust whoever you want to trust... and don't whoever you don't. I'm just saying that none of us are free from the expectation that you infer... we all lie. But if you start with that premise... you lie, Teditis lies, the next dude in your life is going to lie... that will be a bit more realistic, no? As to their "core-being"... acknowledge that you're smitten by emotion... (That's a very lovely time.),then pull back a little and do the hard work of seeing if behavior matches what they profess. And if what they profess and what you're looking for is a good match. But if you get lazy and don't look... hey, that's on you. (imho) But to assume that your expectations are all are running the same course... seems presupmtuous. There's too much diversity these days. What you call lying... others call a "means to an end(goal). So it ain't lying until you state your expectations... and quit assuming theirs. But if you have no definitions as to your own expectations... you're going to flounder. Be cork on the ocean. We're all liars, Moutainwatergirl... the trick is to lie less, and ask your partner if the're willing to do the same. If you're afraid to ask... stay single. |
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Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Wed 01/30/13 03:20 PM
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No offense but, this is what I got from my ex lol. Help! lol Of course I'm not saying I've never lied. Is that even possible? I'm saying, that your partner is not the person to lie to. But if you do...go back and tell the truth. Question for you: How do you know the core being of your partner if they lied about their core? You can only see into someone so much...the rest?.. they have to tell you. If it's a freaking lie, who do you know? That person? Or their lies? Well now, I disagree with the premise that you can't know a person's core being. The quintessential mistake being that we don't often take the time to learn it before we move into action... like getting married od even falling in love. Yeah, yeah, they tell you this and that. I do the same... I'm no different in that respect. But if you rely on what others tell you... to the point that you disregard your own observations, your own intuition? Did you bother to look deeply? Listen... I don't wanna judge you or anyone, but your life is your own. Trust whoever you want to trust... and don't whoever you don't. I'm just saying that none of us are free from the expectation that you infer... we all lie. But if you start with that premise... you lie, Teditis lies, the next dude in your life is going to lie... that will be a bit more realistic, no? As to their "core-being"... acknowledge that you're smitten by emotion... (That's a very lovely time.),then pull back a little and do the hard work of seeing if behavior matches what they profess. And if what they profess and what you're looking for is a good match. But if you get lazy and don't look... hey, that's on you. (imho) But to assume that your expectations are all are running the same course... seems presupmtuous. There's too much diversity these days. What you call lying... others call a "means to an end(goal). So it ain't lying until you state your expectations... and quit assuming theirs. But if you have no definitions as to your own expectations... you're going to flounder. Be cork on the ocean. We're all liars, Moutainwatergirl... the trick is to lie less, and ask your partner if the're willing to do the same. If you're afraid to ask... stay single. After all I've said just today... do you think I bothered to look into it deeply? My intuition was on overdrive. No, I don't buy in to the everybody lies stock. That's not the point. It's how it's dealt with, why they are lying, and the fact that no one should lie about everything all the time. When you catch a guy lying to you about something huge about himself in the first two weeks, and you talk to him about it?? I told my ex everything I've said here about my expectations regarding being a good person...he knew what I expected after that...if he couldn't do that? Then it's on him and he should bail if he doesn't think he can get truly intimate with me. He didn't bail, he lied AGAIN about lying lol Then, he lied to me about everything he didn't want me to know for the next 3 years. That's not cool in my book. So, he was told to hit the road |
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No offense but, this is what I got from my ex lol. Help! lol Of course I'm not saying I've never lied. Is that even possible? I'm saying, that your partner is not the person to lie to. But if you do...go back and tell the truth. Question for you: How do you know the core being of your partner if they lied about their core? You can only see into someone so much...the rest?.. they have to tell you. If it's a freaking lie, who do you know? That person? Or their lies? Well now, I disagree with the premise that you can't know a person's core being. The quintessential mistake being that we don't often take the time to learn it before we move into action... like getting married od even falling in love. Yeah, yeah, they tell you this and that. I do the same... I'm no different in that respect. But if you rely on what others tell you... to the point that you disregard your own observations, your own intuition? Did you bother to look deeply? Listen... I don't wanna judge you or anyone, but your life is your own. Trust whoever you want to trust... and don't whoever you don't. I'm just saying that none of us are free from the expectation that you infer... we all lie. But if you start with that premise... you lie, Teditis lies, the next dude in your life is going to lie... that will be a bit more realistic, no? As to their "core-being"... acknowledge that you're smitten by emotion... (That's a very lovely time.),then pull back a little and do the hard work of seeing if behavior matches what they profess. And if what they profess and what you're looking for is a good match. But if you get lazy and don't look... hey, that's on you. (imho) But to assume that your expectations are all are running the same course... seems presupmtuous. There's too much diversity these days. What you call lying... others call a "means to an end(goal). So it ain't lying until you state your expectations... and quit assuming theirs. But if you have no definitions as to your own expectations... you're going to flounder. Be cork on the ocean. We're all liars, Moutainwatergirl... the trick is to lie less, and ask your partner if the're willing to do the same. If you're afraid to ask... stay single. After all I've said just today... do you think I bothered to look into it deeply? My intuition was on overdrive. No, I don't buy in to the everybody lies stock. That's not the point. It's how it's dealt with, why they are lying, and the fact that no one should lie about everything all the time. When you catch a guy lying to you about something huge about himself in the first two weeks, and you talk to him about it?? I told my ex everything I've said here about my expectations regarding being a good person...he knew what I expected after that...if he couldn't do that? Then it's on him and he should bail if he doesn't think he can get truly intimate with me. He didn't bail, he lied AGAIN about lying lol Then, he lied to me about everything he didn't want me to know for the next 3 years. That's not cool in my book. So, he was told to hit the road Well said... I'll beg-off now, I seem to be missing your point... sorry for that. Also sorry that you experienced such pain... wish for you better days. |
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Sorry to say, but I think it's built in our DNA for us humans to lie. At some point, everyone lies. Never gonna meet a perfect person that never lies. Ya either live with it or ya don't. If constant lying is not something you can live with, you ought to feel free to walk away from the relationship. |
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