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| Topic: Liar liar for a partner | |
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I used to see this issue as black and white, until I discovered a gray area. That being when an individual has endured physical and/or psychological abuse to the extent that they have developed an emotional problem in which they are incapable of telling the truth about anything. Even the smallest and most unimportant issues they can't help but distort the facts the way they see them in their own minds. It's not done with the intent to deceive, it's merely the safest way they feel they can communicate. And, when you have a close relationship with an individual who does this, you eventually can read between the lines automatically, as heavy clues of truth are mixed in with the lies. A lot of times, this is also learned behavior, passed down from parents to children who then grow up and marry outside their culture, where they can be completely misunderstood. With love, patience, and understanding walls can be gotten around. Just my observations from personal experience. wow...there is a lot of good stuff in this post. I can totally see your point. I think I see this in the person I am taking about. Still, In cases such as these, I think if you married someone, then found out they have this issue, therapy would be the only way to save it... good thing I never married the person I'm referring to in this post. |
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When it comes to lying; I can try but I will get busted every time. I can't look a person in the eye and lie to them. I also feel sick to to my stomach if I have to lie so again; I can't get away with it. I have never lied to a guy I dated and have always told him the truth but I have been very tactful in telling him the truth so it doesn't come out as being nasty but instead constructive criticism. Guess this explains why I am and always will be single. 
pretty much me too. I don't get sick when I try to lie...I feel guilty. Massive amounts of guilt. My conscience won't let me hang onto it. I also like to call my conscience Holy Spirit. But I don't want to scare anyone off by talking about ghosts. lol With me; its the guilt that makes me sick to my stomach. Oh crap; now I have to worry about ghosts making me feel guilty? 
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Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Tue 01/29/13 11:48 AM
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When it comes to lying; I can try but I will get busted every time. I can't look a person in the eye and lie to them. I also feel sick to to my stomach if I have to lie so again; I can't get away with it. I have never lied to a guy I dated and have always told him the truth but I have been very tactful in telling him the truth so it doesn't come out as being nasty but instead constructive criticism. Guess this explains why I am and always will be single.
pretty much me too. I don't get sick when I try to lie...I feel guilty. Massive amounts of guilt. My conscience won't let me hang onto it. I also like to call my conscience Holy Spirit. But I don't want to scare anyone off by talking about ghosts. lol With me; its the guilt that makes me sick to my stomach. Oh crap; now I have to worry about ghosts making me feel guilty?
hahahahah!!! boooo! Yes, I knew what you meant. I think I said my post wrong. I'm at work and failing at multitasking atm. lol go back to page 2 and look what I said about your Navy-ness 
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When it comes to lying; I can try but I will get busted every time. I can't look a person in the eye and lie to them. I also feel sick to to my stomach if I have to lie so again; I can't get away with it. I have never lied to a guy I dated and have always told him the truth but I have been very tactful in telling him the truth so it doesn't come out as being nasty but instead constructive criticism. Guess this explains why I am and always will be single.
pretty much me too. I don't get sick when I try to lie...I feel guilty. Massive amounts of guilt. My conscience won't let me hang onto it. I also like to call my conscience Holy Spirit. But I don't want to scare anyone off by talking about ghosts. lol I too, think I will be single from here. Cheers to you Navy lady! You are really cool. I love that you have a career in the Navy. My family is a Navy family too. My cousin, Donna retired a Lieutenant commander. Yaay for girls in the Navy! 
Thank you for the kind words.  That truly means a lot to me and I am not lying when I say that.
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wow...there is a lot of good stuff in this post. I can totally see your point. I think I see this in the person I am taking about. Still, In cases such as these, I think if you married someone, then found out they have this issue, therapy would be the only way to save it... good thing I never married the person I'm referring to in this post. But doesn't that bring up an whole other set of issues? (kinda' what I was referring to in my first response...?) The hypothetical that you're married now and just discovering that your spouse has "issues"? Isn't it more about possibility that we all lie...that we all have faults and "issues"? And learning to live in an imperfect world would be the wiser option? Do you really wanna stay single all your life? No partner; nobody to help shoulder the load... nobody that you wnat to help shoulder the load? Therapy might help... I ain't knocking that... but too many expectations on a soul can wear both people down, I'd think. Find someone who doesn't live a life of "Hey, I got swag and I'll prove it to ya'." Run away from them... But rather someone who freely admits to being imperfect... w/o all the pessimism... that sounds like a good start. idk, jmo. One rocking chair on the porch seems too lonely to me. |
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Tawt, Bte... you said nobody is perfect... i know... and when people lie they are only trying to cover up imperfections. If we all know we're not perfdct... then why the lie game? If someone cant figure that much out by 40I lol i cant play lol Well, you have a point I suppose and all I was really saying is that I do think that it is important to be honest and I am but I don't know if it's a great idea to hit someone with all of the stuff that could put them off straight away before you have tried to make a good impression first. I have tried it both ways though. I have said to women when I first met them, "There's this thing about me that I should probably just tell you now because if you aren't looking for a guy like me I don't want to waste your time". It's something that they are going to find out anyway, so no point in lying about it really and I just wait for the right moment to say it. I mean, I would be up front about it before I even asked them out on a date. I might downplay it a bit though because even though I've told them I've told them lots of things about myself and you just don't know how people are going to react when they actually meet you and face the reality of it and who you are. Personally, I expect women to tell fibs and not be completely open and honest when I first talk to them and I just had a brief relationship with someone that was rather economical with the truth and reluctant to communicate properly. I don't hate her for it and although she did end up hurting me I believe her when she says that she is trying to be a good person. To be fair, I went into that relationship knowing a few things about her that she was honest about (at least to a certain extent) and I knew that I was getting myself into something that would probably be difficult. I just thought that if we both worked at the relationship we would grow closer together and she would open up and be honest about herself and her feelings but she said that she found it difficult to talk about her feelings and trust and I tried to be patient with her. She wanted a caring patient guy and not someone that was going to intterogate and criticise her and all I could really do was to say that I thought that we needed to have a proper chat but I didn't want to start arguments and I was waiting for her to bring things up in conversation so that we could talk about them. Hey Tawt. I get where you are coming from. I am always upfront and honest when I meet a guy for the first date. Needless to say; there is never a second date.
Well, I don't know why that would be obviously because I've never met you and know very little about you. Maybe this is just me but like I said, I've gone out with women that have told me things about themselves that would make a lot of other guys run in the opposite direction. The last two women I dated had serious issues that they told me about but I still wanted to keep seeing them. I was in an on and off relationship with someone for a few years that was a bit mental and made my life a misery a lot of the time but I am prepared to put up with quite a lot from women and I may be atrackted to people that aren't "normal". It's possible that you are putting off men by doing your completely honest and upfront thing because they come away thinking, "Too much information" or you could be talking about yourself too much instead of having a proper conversation or it could be that you come across as being negative about yourself by going on about your problems or something. I met a girl in the street a few months ago and she said hello and we had a chat. She was an atractive girl and we actually had common interests but she told me all about how she had mental health problems and just went on and on about herself. Her having mental health problems wouldn't really have been a turnoff but her being full of herself was. Of course, she most probably was like that because she did have mental health problems but we all have problems and someone that is only interested in their self is going to put most people off. When I meet a woman it is because I want to get to know her but I want to do that gradually. I want a novel and not a short story if you like. I want to come away from the first date wondering what I'm going to find about her next. Perhaps it is that I want to feel like she is telling me things because I'm someone special that she feels that she can say things to that she wouldn't just tell to some complete stranger. |
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Tawt:
Actually; when I meet a man; I don't divulge anything about my past relationships and go in on a positive note. I have a two-way conversation so yes they get time to speak. The only negative thing I have is I have never been married and that I served in the military. I won't lie about that. That is what puts them off among other things. I had one guy say that he couldn't date me because I knew too much. Had another say I was too muscular. Anyways; it doesn't matter anymore. I have better things to do than waste my time trying. |
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I absolutely hate liars!!! I know hate is a strong word...but I do!!
Anyone who knows me knows this..... tell me the truth and let me be angry,cry or have hurt feelings.. Rather than lie to me and steal that choice of a reaction!! This is why I only give advice when asked directly....because Im not gonna sugar coat it! |
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Unhappiness is the breeding ground for lies!
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Tawt: Actually; when I meet a man; I don't divulge anything about my past relationships and go in on a positive note. I have a two-way conversation so yes they get time to speak. The only negative thing I have is I have never been married and that I served in the military. I won't lie about that. That is what puts them off among other things. I had one guy say that he couldn't date me because I knew too much. Had another say I was too muscular. Anyways; it doesn't matter anymore. I have better things to do than waste my time trying. Well, I still don't know why you can't get a second date but if you are fed up with it and with men and are happy on your own okay. I've had mostly bad dates that didn't lead to a second date as well and I haven't actually dated very many women in my time. I do feel as well at the moment that I've got better things to do with my time though but I just broke up with somebody and it takes so much time and effort just to get a first date. Or at least, it can do and I just spent hours every day on dating sites for a few months and I neglected my studies and need to get back to that now. |
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wow...there is a lot of good stuff in this post. I can totally see your point. I think I see this in the person I am taking about. Still, In cases such as these, I think if you married someone, then found out they have this issue, therapy would be the only way to save it... good thing I never married the person I'm referring to in this post. But doesn't that bring up an whole other set of issues? (kinda' what I was referring to in my first response...?) The hypothetical that you're married now and just discovering that your spouse has "issues"? Isn't it more about possibility that we all lie...that we all have faults and "issues"? And learning to live in an imperfect world would be the wiser option? Do you really wanna stay single all your life? No partner; nobody to help shoulder the load... nobody that you wnat to help shoulder the load? Therapy might help... I ain't knocking that... but too many expectations on a soul can wear both people down, I'd think. Find someone who doesn't live a life of "Hey, I got swag and I'll prove it to ya'." Run away from them... But rather someone who freely admits to being imperfect... w/o all the pessimism... that sounds like a good start. idk, jmo. One rocking chair on the porch seems too lonely to me. I will tell you that living with someone you cannot believe for a second is not better than the rocking chair on the porch. I am alone now, and have been for 7 weeks and I feel SO much better. The lies got so bad that it was affecting my overall being and soul. I think some people do NOT take lying seriously enough. It's not supposed to get any easier to deal with it or become normal because everybody does it. Some people have higher standards for their life and that includes behaviors. Like I've said, yes, everyone lies, but we all expect the truth. That's not a high expectation. Once you drop your expectations for someone, usually they lax out all together and you'll get less and less of what you need. I don't think the truth is too much to expect. Like I also said, we all tell lies.. big ones??? need attention. Come back and tell the truth. If you don't care to do that? Then you have no conscience...no guilt. I'm afraid of a person that doesn't put themselves in check. |
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Tawt, Bte... you said nobody is perfect... i know... and when people lie they are only trying to cover up imperfections. If we all know we're not perfdct... then why the lie game? If someone cant figure that much out by 40I lol i cant play lol Well, you have a point I suppose and all I was really saying is that I do think that it is important to be honest and I am but I don't know if it's a great idea to hit someone with all of the stuff that could put them off straight away before you have tried to make a good impression first. I have tried it both ways though. I have said to women when I first met them, "There's this thing about me that I should probably just tell you now because if you aren't looking for a guy like me I don't want to waste your time". It's something that they are going to find out anyway, so no point in lying about it really and I just wait for the right moment to say it. I mean, I would be up front about it before I even asked them out on a date. I might downplay it a bit though because even though I've told them I've told them lots of things about myself and you just don't know how people are going to react when they actually meet you and face the reality of it and who you are. Personally, I expect women to tell fibs and not be completely open and honest when I first talk to them and I just had a brief relationship with someone that was rather economical with the truth and reluctant to communicate properly. I don't hate her for it and although she did end up hurting me I believe her when she says that she is trying to be a good person. To be fair, I went into that relationship knowing a few things about her that she was honest about (at least to a certain extent) and I knew that I was getting myself into something that would probably be difficult. I just thought that if we both worked at the relationship we would grow closer together and she would open up and be honest about herself and her feelings but she said that she found it difficult to talk about her feelings and trust and I tried to be patient with her. She wanted a caring patient guy and not someone that was going to intterogate and criticise her and all I could really do was to say that I thought that we needed to have a proper chat but I didn't want to start arguments and I was waiting for her to bring things up in conversation so that we could talk about them. Hey Tawt. I get where you are coming from. I am always upfront and honest when I meet a guy for the first date. Needless to say; there is never a second date.
Well, I don't know why that would be obviously because I've never met you and know very little about you. Maybe this is just me but like I said, I've gone out with women that have told me things about themselves that would make a lot of other guys run in the opposite direction. The last two women I dated had serious issues that they told me about but I still wanted to keep seeing them. I was in an on and off relationship with someone for a few years that was a bit mental and made my life a misery a lot of the time but I am prepared to put up with quite a lot from women and I may be atrackted to people that aren't "normal". It's possible that you are putting off men by doing your completely honest and upfront thing because they come away thinking, "Too much information" or you could be talking about yourself too much instead of having a proper conversation or it could be that you come across as being negative about yourself by going on about your problems or something. I met a girl in the street a few months ago and she said hello and we had a chat. She was an atractive girl and we actually had common interests but she told me all about how she had mental health problems and just went on and on about herself. Her having mental health problems wouldn't really have been a turnoff but her being full of herself was. Of course, she most probably was like that because she did have mental health problems but we all have problems and someone that is only interested in their self is going to put most people off. When I meet a woman it is because I want to get to know her but I want to do that gradually. I want a novel and not a short story if you like. I want to come away from the first date wondering what I'm going to find about her next. Perhaps it is that I want to feel like she is telling me things because I'm someone special that she feels that she can say things to that she wouldn't just tell to some complete stranger. I love how this man assumes you may have talked about yourself too much and told him all your deep secrets on the first date lol. Why does it seem men always sum all of us women up together??? Don't they hate it when we do that about them? hypocrite comes to mind right now.... Most women are like this... talk too much... talk about their ex...etc. Some women are intelligent and know better than to do this type of crap. Some of us are scientist, chess players, and Navy-men! Yes, women has "men" in it too. lol So maybe watch for some of us. |
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If you both understand that each are holding back and each are lying then the relationship is not very real, and is based on something other than love. Sex, dinner at five, PTA, politics, something but not love.
Game never started so game cannot end. |
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Edited by
Teditis
on
Wed 01/30/13 12:30 PM
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I will tell you that living with someone you cannot believe for a second is not better than the rocking chair on the porch. I am alone now, and have been for 7 weeks and I feel SO much better. The lies got so bad that it was affecting my overall being and soul. I think some people do NOT take lying seriously enough. It's not supposed to get any easier to deal with it or become normal because everybody does it. Some people have higher standards for their life and that includes behaviors. Like I've said, yes, everyone lies, but we all expect the truth. That's not a high expectation. Once you drop your expectations for someone, usually they lax out all together and you'll get less and less of what you need. I don't think the truth is too much to expect. Like I also said, we all tell lies.. big ones??? need attention. Come back and tell the truth. If you don't care to do that? Then you have no conscience...no guilt. I'm afraid of a person that doesn't put themselves in check. Mmm, that sounds truly hard and a difficult situation for anyone to have to live through. I didn't mean to suggest that living with a liar was worth a partner for rocking causualy on a porch. I meant that realizing humans are fallible and lying was one of our most common faults... perhaps there should be some allowance in ourselves to expect the common, but set our limitations too? Someone once said... "See everything, overlook a great deal, correct a little." Just as an aside... I spent 17yrs in a field that required me to sort through people's past. Lies were part of it and to be expected... it's what humans do. But my goal was never to point out the lies, or the lying... but to find a place of understanding that the interviewee, me(myself), and the Gov't could come to terms with. imho... nobody can be trusted. That includes you. 17yrs experience, tells me this. The gov't knows it too... see? I intuit that you're smarter than our Gov't... Find a point that you can concede to. You ain't perfect, He ain't perfect. Discuss the rest. If he doesn't want to "discuss"... run away. BUT... buy me a coffee and spend an hour with me...and I'll tell about all the places where you... or anyone else... hasn't put themselves into check... by their own standards, not mine. |
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Tawt, Bte... you said nobody is perfect... i know... and when people lie they are only trying to cover up imperfections. If we all know we're not perfdct... then why the lie game? If someone cant figure that much out by 40I lol i cant play lol Well, you have a point I suppose and all I was really saying is that I do think that it is important to be honest and I am but I don't know if it's a great idea to hit someone with all of the stuff that could put them off straight away before you have tried to make a good impression first. I have tried it both ways though. I have said to women when I first met them, "There's this thing about me that I should probably just tell you now because if you aren't looking for a guy like me I don't want to waste your time". It's something that they are going to find out anyway, so no point in lying about it really and I just wait for the right moment to say it. I mean, I would be up front about it before I even asked them out on a date. I might downplay it a bit though because even though I've told them I've told them lots of things about myself and you just don't know how people are going to react when they actually meet you and face the reality of it and who you are. Personally, I expect women to tell fibs and not be completely open and honest when I first talk to them and I just had a brief relationship with someone that was rather economical with the truth and reluctant to communicate properly. I don't hate her for it and although she did end up hurting me I believe her when she says that she is trying to be a good person. To be fair, I went into that relationship knowing a few things about her that she was honest about (at least to a certain extent) and I knew that I was getting myself into something that would probably be difficult. I just thought that if we both worked at the relationship we would grow closer together and she would open up and be honest about herself and her feelings but she said that she found it difficult to talk about her feelings and trust and I tried to be patient with her. She wanted a caring patient guy and not someone that was going to intterogate and criticise her and all I could really do was to say that I thought that we needed to have a proper chat but I didn't want to start arguments and I was waiting for her to bring things up in conversation so that we could talk about them. Hey Tawt. I get where you are coming from. I am always upfront and honest when I meet a guy for the first date. Needless to say; there is never a second date.
Well, I don't know why that would be obviously because I've never met you and know very little about you. Maybe this is just me but like I said, I've gone out with women that have told me things about themselves that would make a lot of other guys run in the opposite direction. The last two women I dated had serious issues that they told me about but I still wanted to keep seeing them. I was in an on and off relationship with someone for a few years that was a bit mental and made my life a misery a lot of the time but I am prepared to put up with quite a lot from women and I may be atrackted to people that aren't "normal". It's possible that you are putting off men by doing your completely honest and upfront thing because they come away thinking, "Too much information" or you could be talking about yourself too much instead of having a proper conversation or it could be that you come across as being negative about yourself by going on about your problems or something. I met a girl in the street a few months ago and she said hello and we had a chat. She was an atractive girl and we actually had common interests but she told me all about how she had mental health problems and just went on and on about herself. Her having mental health problems wouldn't really have been a turnoff but her being full of herself was. Of course, she most probably was like that because she did have mental health problems but we all have problems and someone that is only interested in their self is going to put most people off. When I meet a woman it is because I want to get to know her but I want to do that gradually. I want a novel and not a short story if you like. I want to come away from the first date wondering what I'm going to find about her next. Perhaps it is that I want to feel like she is telling me things because I'm someone special that she feels that she can say things to that she wouldn't just tell to some complete stranger. I love how this man assumes you may have talked about yourself too much and told him all your deep secrets on the first date lol. Why does it seem men always sum all of us women up together??? Don't they hate it when we do that about them? hypocrite comes to mind right now.... Most women are like this... talk too much... talk about their ex...etc. Some women are intelligent and know better than to do this type of crap. Some of us are scientist, chess players, and Navy-men! Yes, women has "men" in it too. lol So maybe watch for some of us. Well, saying that it's possible that she might have done something is hardly assuming anything. And yes, I've talked about myself too much on dates sometimes and moaned on about my problems etc, so no hypocrisy here. I'm sorry if you think that I'm just attacking women here but I can only talk from personal experience and I'm not gay and have never been romantically involved with a man. As far as men go, I can only speak for myself. Feel free to keep posting "Men do that too" if you like though. |
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I will tell you that living with someone you cannot believe for a second is not better than the rocking chair on the porch. I am alone now, and have been for 7 weeks and I feel SO much better. The lies got so bad that it was affecting my overall being and soul. I think some people do NOT take lying seriously enough. It's not supposed to get any easier to deal with it or become normal because everybody does it. Some people have higher standards for their life and that includes behaviors. Like I've said, yes, everyone lies, but we all expect the truth. That's not a high expectation. Once you drop your expectations for someone, usually they lax out all together and you'll get less and less of what you need. I don't think the truth is too much to expect. Like I also said, we all tell lies.. big ones??? need attention. Come back and tell the truth. If you don't care to do that? Then you have no conscience...no guilt. I'm afraid of a person that doesn't put themselves in check. Mmm, that sounds truly hard and a difficult situation for anyone to have to live through. I didn't mean to suggest that living with a liar was worth a partner for rocking causualy on a porch. I meant that realizing humans are fallible and lying was one of our most common faults... perhaps there should be some allowance in ourselves to expect the common, but set our limitations too? Someone once said... "See everything, overlook a great deal, correct a little." Just as an aside... I spent 17yrs in a field that required me to sort through people's past. Lies were part of it and to be expected... it's what humans do. But my goal was never to point out the lies, or the lying... but to find a place of understanding that the interviewee, me(myself), and the Gov't could come to terms with. imho... nobody can be trusted. That includes you. 17yrs experience, tells me this. The gov't knows it too... see? I intuit that you're smarter than our Gov't... Find a point that you can concede to. You ain't perfect, He ain't perfect. Discuss the rest. If he doesn't want to "discuss"... run away. BUT... buy me a coffee and spend an hour with me...and I'll tell about all the places where you... or anyone else... hasn't put themselves into check... by their own standards, not mine. Yes yes... of course.... It is a personal goal to want to be a better person. Yup, by my own standards. I know others like me as well. I really could spit nails when people repeat over and over how we are not perfect. I don't do well with someone stating the obvious. I am blunt and truthful to the point of flaw perhaps. Sue me. lol Like I said before, There would be no reason to lie if everyone understood we aren't perfect. Lying is the product of attempting to appear perfect. I don't want to be in a relationship with the government. Personal relationships are built on trust.... but not your relationship with the government. Of course they expect people to lie. There should be one person in your life that you never tell lies to. That you can be yourself completely and lie very minimally. Your partner. Perhaps your example won't work. |
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I will tell you that living with someone you cannot believe for a second is not better than the rocking chair on the porch. I am alone now, and have been for 7 weeks and I feel SO much better. The lies got so bad that it was affecting my overall being and soul. I think some people do NOT take lying seriously enough. It's not supposed to get any easier to deal with it or become normal because everybody does it. Some people have higher standards for their life and that includes behaviors. Like I've said, yes, everyone lies, but we all expect the truth. That's not a high expectation. Once you drop your expectations for someone, usually they lax out all together and you'll get less and less of what you need. I don't think the truth is too much to expect. Like I also said, we all tell lies.. big ones??? need attention. Come back and tell the truth. If you don't care to do that? Then you have no conscience...no guilt. I'm afraid of a person that doesn't put themselves in check. Mmm, that sounds truly hard and a difficult situation for anyone to have to live through. I didn't mean to suggest that living with a liar was worth a partner for rocking causualy on a porch. I meant that realizing humans are fallible and lying was one of our most common faults... perhaps there should be some allowance in ourselves to expect the common, but set our limitations too? Someone once said... "See everything, overlook a great deal, correct a little." Just as an aside... I spent 17yrs in a field that required me to sort through people's past. Lies were part of it and to be expected... it's what humans do. But my goal was never to point out the lies, or the lying... but to find a place of understanding that the interviewee, me(myself), and the Gov't could come to terms with. imho... nobody can be trusted. That includes you. 17yrs experience, tells me this. The gov't knows it too... see? I intuit that you're smarter than our Gov't... Find a point that you can concede to. You ain't perfect, He ain't perfect. Discuss the rest. If he doesn't want to "discuss"... run away. BUT... buy me a coffee and spend an hour with me...and I'll tell about all the places where you... or anyone else... hasn't put themselves into check... by their own standards, not mine. You sound like a liar lol
defending and all. |
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The problem with being completely honest is that you are liable to put your foot in your mouth a lot. In a previous relationship I told my girlfriend absolutely everything. She was a rather tempremental woman and that probably made us incompatible. Saying that though, she was telling me what she felt when she got annoyed with me and talking about your feelings is what it's all about I think.
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Yes yes... of course.... It is a personal goal to want to be a better person. Yup, by my own standards. I know others like me as well. I really could spit nails when people repeat over and over how we are not perfect. I don't do well with someone stating the obvious. I am blunt and truthful to the point of flaw perhaps. Sue me. lol Like I said before, There would be no reason to lie if everyone understood we aren't perfect. Lying is the product of attempting to appear perfect. I don't want to be in a relationship with the government. Personal relationships are built on trust.... but not your relationship with the government. Of course they expect people to lie. There should be one person in your life that you never tell lies to. That you can be yourself completely and lie very minimally. Your partner. Perhaps your example won't work. Perhaps not... I see your point. But just as a hypothetical... a game? Are you saying that you've never lied? That under no circumstances, you'll ever lie in the future? That you understand life so completely that you aren't lying to yourself even now? I doubt it. Philosophical BS, perhaps... but this is human nature. Learn to trust the core-being of your partner... not the words coming outta their mouth. Find a common moral code that you both believe in... and leave it at that. We'll all break it... but it's the ones that can return to it taht you can count on. Undefined; a moral-code is like paper in the wind... a cork in the ocean. So demand it. jmho. |
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Tawt, Bte... you said nobody is perfect... i know... and when people lie they are only trying to cover up imperfections. If we all know we're not perfdct... then why the lie game? If someone cant figure that much out by 40I lol i cant play lol Well, you have a point I suppose and all I was really saying is that I do think that it is important to be honest and I am but I don't know if it's a great idea to hit someone with all of the stuff that could put them off straight away before you have tried to make a good impression first. I have tried it both ways though. I have said to women when I first met them, "There's this thing about me that I should probably just tell you now because if you aren't looking for a guy like me I don't want to waste your time". It's something that they are going to find out anyway, so no point in lying about it really and I just wait for the right moment to say it. I mean, I would be up front about it before I even asked them out on a date. I might downplay it a bit though because even though I've told them I've told them lots of things about myself and you just don't know how people are going to react when they actually meet you and face the reality of it and who you are. Personally, I expect women to tell fibs and not be completely open and honest when I first talk to them and I just had a brief relationship with someone that was rather economical with the truth and reluctant to communicate properly. I don't hate her for it and although she did end up hurting me I believe her when she says that she is trying to be a good person. To be fair, I went into that relationship knowing a few things about her that she was honest about (at least to a certain extent) and I knew that I was getting myself into something that would probably be difficult. I just thought that if we both worked at the relationship we would grow closer together and she would open up and be honest about herself and her feelings but she said that she found it difficult to talk about her feelings and trust and I tried to be patient with her. She wanted a caring patient guy and not someone that was going to intterogate and criticise her and all I could really do was to say that I thought that we needed to have a proper chat but I didn't want to start arguments and I was waiting for her to bring things up in conversation so that we could talk about them. Hey Tawt. I get where you are coming from. I am always upfront and honest when I meet a guy for the first date. Needless to say; there is never a second date.
Well, I don't know why that would be obviously because I've never met you and know very little about you. Maybe this is just me but like I said, I've gone out with women that have told me things about themselves that would make a lot of other guys run in the opposite direction. The last two women I dated had serious issues that they told me about but I still wanted to keep seeing them. I was in an on and off relationship with someone for a few years that was a bit mental and made my life a misery a lot of the time but I am prepared to put up with quite a lot from women and I may be atrackted to people that aren't "normal". It's possible that you are putting off men by doing your completely honest and upfront thing because they come away thinking, "Too much information" or you could be talking about yourself too much instead of having a proper conversation or it could be that you come across as being negative about yourself by going on about your problems or something. I met a girl in the street a few months ago and she said hello and we had a chat. She was an atractive girl and we actually had common interests but she told me all about how she had mental health problems and just went on and on about herself. Her having mental health problems wouldn't really have been a turnoff but her being full of herself was. Of course, she most probably was like that because she did have mental health problems but we all have problems and someone that is only interested in their self is going to put most people off. When I meet a woman it is because I want to get to know her but I want to do that gradually. I want a novel and not a short story if you like. I want to come away from the first date wondering what I'm going to find about her next. Perhaps it is that I want to feel like she is telling me things because I'm someone special that she feels that she can say things to that she wouldn't just tell to some complete stranger. I love how this man assumes you may have talked about yourself too much and told him all your deep secrets on the first date lol. Why does it seem men always sum all of us women up together??? Don't they hate it when we do that about them? hypocrite comes to mind right now.... Most women are like this... talk too much... talk about their ex...etc. Some women are intelligent and know better than to do this type of crap. Some of us are scientist, chess players, and Navy-men! Yes, women has "men" in it too. lol So maybe watch for some of us. Well, saying that it's possible that she might have done something is hardly assuming anything. And yes, I've talked about myself too much on dates sometimes and moaned on about my problems etc, so no hypocrisy here. I'm sorry if you think that I'm just attacking women here but I can only talk from personal experience and I'm not gay and have never been romantically involved with a man. As far as men go, I can only speak for myself. Feel free to keep posting "Men do that too" if you like though. I can say I took no offence to what you said Tawt as you stated that you didn't know me and just said it might be possible; so you didn't accuse me of this. Its all good.
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