I met someone who has a 14 year old. He says he wants me to meet her after 6 months. I say if I am around in a year (which let's face it folks who know me - probably won't happen), I will meet her. Both parents are highly accomplished and educated but you know how a bitter divorce can leave both parties not up for mature king/queen of the year. Do you think a year is too long to wait?

Terri, I think six months is good unless the relationship is not going well. Play it by ear...

I agree play it by ear.... if the relationship is solid.. 6 months is perfect!

My way is, meet the kid after they have moved out and are on their own.
I want mama for me.

They can come visit. Just don't plan on moving back in.

Mind you I am not locked into a relationship with this person.

I wonder what you parents think of walking into a war zone left over from a divorce?

Just out of a fresh divorce.
Teenage son=jealous of mama and doesn't want to share with a strange man.
IMO, if you can keep he as a GF and knock off a little here and there, you both will be better off.

Just a little honest experience. Do what you want and get back to us as how it's working out.

Really, 6 months.

What do you do in that time, not tell the kid, sneak around, act like he's not important enough for you to meet and get to know.

At 14 they are a young adult, doesnt it seem strange to treat them like a baby. It may be different here, but honestly if my 12 year old thought I didnt think he was intelligent enough to meet someone who was a friend and I was considering dating he would be pretty dissapointed in me.

Also the fact that it is the childs life as well. Here, my children who are 12 14 16 18 21 and 23 all had to meet anyone I considered dating, even friends as if they where not comfortable I would not have them as part of my life.

A child who does not like you can easily ruin a relationship, it isnt fair to any of you to waist 6 or 12 months and then find out you cant stand each other.

Anyway it's just another side of the coin. To me a child should be treated like an adult, they will respect you for it.

Here, many times, the kids tell the parents who they can or cannot see.
I am friends with one of those.

He is so jealous, he won't allow, got that? Won't allow his divorced dad to see women.

If he didn't like me or thought I wanted anything more than a friendship with his Mom, I'd be at the curb in a heartbeat.

I believe, a healthy parent watches the interaction and if the adults choice of a potential partner comes across as a well rounded, healthy person, spoiled kids shouldn't be allowed to steal the parents chance at a complete family.

That's why I say, meet the kids after they are grown and gone.

It all depends on the child and how it will effect them....I do not allow anyone to meet my son right away, because it takes a ton of preparing for him to meet someone new.

I do tell him that Mommy has a new friend, someone who may be around for a long time...but, he does not decide whether I date or not, just whether the person can be the patient, caring person he needs to be in order to deal with my son.

I did not have children by choice. I only am considering this man because of the age of his daughter, 14. She is incredible and wants to go to school back east. With her grades, etc. she will no doubt go to an excellent school. But I think this situation is all too much for me. I do not want the kid to know about me because she will go running back to her mother with any info. He and his ex wife are NOT on good terms. I think I am just going to bow out of this one. I have not been involved with him long enough or to a degree that I cannot bow out gracefully. Ya, it is letting the ex wife win but it also saves my sanity.

Thanks for all the replies.

My children want to meet the guy prior to our first date. They have a 12 page application he needs to fill out as well as a psych evaluation. Then there's the three person panel (I have three children) interview. I no longer allow them to shine a bright light in his eyes, however. This just seemed over the top to me.

I love that....

REALLY.. You took away the light, the poor kids must be heartbroken.

The trouble is they never really go.

My eldest still is home as often as possible, with her hubby and baby, my 18 year old isnt leaving home and has decided to work with me,

Children are a major part of a parents life and never really leave it, you always look out for them and they look out for you, basically your family just keeps growing as they get older and bring more people home.
For all of you, it would probably be easier on you if you didnt look at being serious as its not that long before she will have babies and then you will have more children and the story continues.

I'm a mean mom.

I so don't believe in your kids to decide who you will be with. I am a parent and love my kids to the moon and back. If you are raising them right and them wanting to see you happy with someone in life and not be so selfish. It should not bother them unless its a bad relationship. I know someone right now that is allowing her teens control her love life and happiness. Really something I don't understand. They told her they will have nothin to do with her if she gets with a certain someone. Not my cup of tea. By the way if the relationship is not serious I would only introduce someone to my kids as a friend.

i will not ever let my kids meet some man unless it is turning into a serious thing that would be permanent. they have watched enough chaos and disaster in terms of adult relationships and they should not be allowed to get close to someone who may not be around for the long haul. and personally at this point i wouldn't want something that serious anyways, and keeping my adult time my own business. need to know basis.

How long does it take to know your own heart ?