in the US the state usually does not deny visitation or require monitored visitation unless there is suspected abuse. It sounds like he simply did not ask for it. So it may not have been denied, but the court probably did not address it. His stalkerish behavior may be the issue and if SHE makes an issue of it he could lose any visitation that he has gained.


I don't feel sorry in the least for the OP. He had several children out of wedlock when he knew he did not have the lifestyle for parenting really. So unless he plans to change his lifestyle I am not sure what he expects. Had he married either of the mothers he would probably be sending her his entire paycheck.

Excuse me man, explain to me why you would procreate with someone you spent 30 minutes a day using for sex and admittedly think of as worthless and then complain about the crappy outcome?
I just pray that the best happens for your son, he's going to need a lot of prayers.

I guess my question is, when you see your son are you going to be so bitter that you talk about his mother like you do here? IF you do, he will end up hating you. You seem really pissed off because you have to pay support. Hey you play, you got to pay! This is why you never do a no strings attached relationship....you could have a baby!!
You act like she is getting rich off of your money. Do you know how much it cost to raise a kid? I think sometimes the men should try to raise the kids on the child support for a year and then they would not bytch about paying such a low amount!
All I can say is IF you don't want to pay for a child then wear a condom!!!

he would need for any of that with me every dime was well spent cuz now he can see his daddy that fought long and hard to be apart of his life thank you

no the complaining is she brags about buying herself new outfits her boyfriend and daughter the same its for my son or bills to raise him but she wont work goverment pays everything and my son still goes with out and to address the comment about it being supervised it starts when she got preg she was cheating on her boyfriend when it happened it took almost a year to get the dna tested i pushed for thru thr child support angentcy to have it to in place that was step one to getting my rights to my son as a father after that was the visitation heraring with her attorny who was paid out of mt sons support kept having it pushed back saying he couldnt be there at last in nov 6th i was granted my first visitation and ordered supervisied for stress on the child being with someone he has never met that can be pretty scary for a child his age and it last untill we go back in march why so long im only home one week a month and at that time ill be granted unsupervised for the weekends untill july when we go back in july where illl be granted my shared parenting and ill heve him the whole week im home at that time my support payments will slashed me and my soon to be wife both work and life very comfortably with the other three children in the house hold i loe it when people assume things there is a saying about assume what i dont get it why im being bashed for fighting to be apart of my sons life

and as for when hes with me no not a word is spoke about him we play with what will be his step brother and step sisters my youngest brother thats three and youngest sisier two just turned come over and we play kid stuff together i come fron a big family im the oldest of thirteen im sorrry i made a mistake in the act of making him ive dealt with that but none the less i believe in the bonds of family and my son is my family as for he eeds prayers he get them when i attend church every sunday when im home where i was bashed for owning a suit to attend in with my fanily and my girlfriend and her children her work deplicts her attendance so will someonr explain hwy i shouldnt be upset that my son is being used to support everyone else in the household when there are two able bodied adult for the work force to do there role in raising there daughter and themselves now back to the cooment about my attorney fees i look at as them liiveing off his money as taking food out of his belly and cloths off of his back yes im away from home i miss everyone everyday im not out here making a living being selfish im out here to out food on the table light in the hallways shelter over head hot water in the sink i have a standard of how i want my kids raised with more being a wel fare baby myself i want more for my family and will do what ever it takes to achieve them goals for them amen to that if that is selfish i guess paste my name beside

perhaps changing ones perception would go a long way of changing ones feelings

Whatever a parent is doing with household money, cant be known if the other parent isnt there,,, and whatever a household needs ,you can bet 500 isnt taking care of it


so who is anyone to assume which part of that five hundred is or isnt going directly to one part of the household? thats not how households work whether they are together or not,,,


seems too much of a focus on the five hundred,, thats what a parent SHOULD be doing,,,,and if they had been with someone they were committed to they could have been sure where that 500 fit in with the rest of the household expenses, but since they dont live together thats just not going to happen


people usually take care of their HOUSEHOLD , and all children in the houshehold usually eat from the same groceries, use the same heat, gas, electric, fuel, cable, internet,,,etc,,,

if the child is a part of a household,, there is very little outside of clothes and gifts that the child isnt getting equal benefit of,,,

I feel for a man trying to do the right thing and not being able to see their child,, thats wrong

I never feel sorry for a parent who is sending money to the household which looks after their child though,, thats what a man SHOULD do,,,

thats what a MOTHER ( if the tables are reversed) should do

it is your job to contribute to the household where your children reside

it would be if you lived with them, and it is even if you dont


moms dont pop out children by themself, men need to step up and contribute,, whether they decide to stay in the household or not

children have needs, and you cant hide behind what other people live in the household to avoid contributing to the needs your child is having met by being a part of that household


there is just no way around it

parents should want whats necessary for their kids, I find it ludacrous if one is not in a position (because of a career or anything else) to be the caretaker to a child they parented, that they should feel put upon because they are asked to contribute to the household where people ARE taking care of said child , including the complete strangers who are helping provide necessities to that child, which would otherwise have to be provided by the parents if they were together,,,,because that is BOTH OF THEIR JOBS

together, they have to make sure their children are cared for (requiring physical presence) and provided for (requiring financial presence)

ideally, two parents should do that together, and if they are committed to each other that makes it easier for them to split those obligations by having one make sure to be physically present and one make sure to provide the finances

BUT, when two parents arent together,,, neither parent is supposed to feel like the other should do it all alone

again, if children are being kept from a parent for reasons other than their safety or health, thats terrible

but its not terrible for a parent to provide towards their childs household,, thats what they should do,,,

really sorry I asked you to explain Holy CRAPPY doo batman..
stick to your guns Deny.. do what you feel is right and don't let ANYone get under your skin.. Happy New Year!

i do provide what the state tells me to weather i want to or not it comes right out of my check that aint the issue she needs to step upher effort to do more for herself her daughter and daughters father the girl aint my child i dont see its my place to do anything more im already doing more than them that wasnt the issue with me seeing him its between her and her live in boyfriend like stated she was cheating when he was make he had no clue until my attorney and child support inforcement agency got the court order for the dna test its been i fight from day one because she wanted to hide from the truth to her boyfriend

lol thanks and after the next two cents they have a block button :)

ok its not agree with me ill break this down and hit every point ive stated im the oldest of thirteen brothers and sisters the youngest brothe three as of may the youngest sister two as of this month i raise my girlfriends three they 8 and 6 as of nov this year and 4 will be five in april fact i pay 508 a month support thats my job your right i dont mind that but ***** but your missing the reason why but standfast and ill give the play by play i stated she is on goverment assistance witch i was told im not doing my part or she wouldnt be so lets break down a household expences first rent shes on hub she pays no rent balance 508 gas and electric she on heap goverment filps that bill to balance 508 food shes on foodstamps she pays for no food next water we live in the same town with the same rates on the bank of the ohio river which is where our water comes form which keeps rates down and low poplus helps also so we pay less than other places my highest water bill ever 87 dollars that was five showers a day three children two adults also running a washing machine my cloths washed seprate for good reason i was a mig welder at the time dish washer and filling up the adverage kiddy pool twice a week for our three and the neighbor three we live in duplex and from raising her three and knowing my youngest brother and sisters ill add my highest bill and dipers and wipes to 250 that will leavesurplus for the next month balance now 258 that leaves cloths shoes soap shampoo toothpaste laundry soap toys that cleans her out whats left for my son medical i pay for the insurance thru my work what they dont cover i.e the copay her state med card does so i provide everything in that house my son needs those are the same numbers used by the state when my support was set so i provide everything my son needs now your going to say cloths and shoes cost but hold your breath its coming all her shopping is done at wal mart and k mart as it is for our three me and mis becauae she wont drive out of state to the closest mall so im spelling was brought up spelling dont pay my bills but nimbers have i know mumbers mis not so bright pafic star this brings me to the other peolpe in the house i dont care who lives there until it starts taking from my son like they do and ill break this down now because some people catch on slow my sons mother is 29 the live in boyfriend is 30 he is also the eight year olds father ok ive lined out my sons needs they are met right no this is my ***** not making the payments instead of gettinghim what he need beause netither of them work they use that money to buy themselves new outfits stuff for there daughter with no ties to me never even met the girl someone try and justify how its my job to out cloths on there backs while my son goes with and explain why i shouldnt be outraged knowing that at home with me he wouldnt be without and tell me why i shuold just take that hit on the chin thats my complaint now the point of not seeing him stated me and misty split up a few month i still helped her cuz i love her kids as mine and my sons mother would come over i knew her from taking my sister to do her comuntiy service for a ovi anyway anita sons mother would come pver hand out i would open my door wham bam thank you mam not my proudest moment i was 22 working16 hours proveiling wage jobs two jobsites for the same company i worked over cuz i signed a contract not to be paid the timein half overtime stating two job sites twochecks look up proveiling wage jobs you can fact check me anyway 22 making 32 dollars and hour im still young and had way more than i needed anyway at that time she way still living with her boyfriend that she was cheating on well oops shes pregnat to cover herself with him she says its yours my son is born he sighs the birth cert it took almost a year of working with the child support agency and my attorney to get the dna test ordered hes my son her bubble lie life is popped and last thing shes ever said to me you just want to **** my life up why cant you leave us alone to which ive answered hes my son anyway she paid an attorney with my support payments and with every attorney they have stall tricks up there sleeve until last month but in the mean time my attorney doing this for living set it up so the we pay out of pocket for misty to take parenting classes for when the hearing comes because small town attorneys know eah others moves having never met my son the judge my first few months of visits to be supervised why so long well imonly home one some times two weeks a months but with our move misty is named the superviser untill march then its increased to weekends untill july where my job time and money spent will then roll into shared parenting and her support payment will be cut in half now before you say this or that no its all on paper that is tha state caseplan for the care of my son nothing is going to be taken form me because i work and stay home with the kids when im home eccpet one night which will be covered
back to my ***** about them taking from my son and not being my job tosupport them which its not ok if she wants to be a stay at home mom ok but then that means the boyfriend and other childs father needs to step up to the same plate i do and be held to the same standard why wont he get a job thats my ***** your going to say jobs are hard to get which this is where i put my finger to my lip with shh sound and explain how its not we live in the heart of the shale gas ans oil drilling fields its so big they have recruiters in every class and the companys signed contracts with all the schools and rund the votec class in the high school to train the students to step off the graduation stage strait on to the gas rig where there are many many differant jobs hes thirty thats right not in high school hush my little grass hopper on top of that they hire train you pay you while they train you for your job you dont even need a deploma of ged just apair of steel toe work boot and if that lazy **** called and said i need boots for this i would buy him what ever red wing boots he wanted as a gift just to get his lazy *** off my sons money now the boom is so big the companys have booked up every hotel in thirty miles i know this because like a stated before we are getting married but first before our pastor would do it we sit and talk and one thing she said was with me being gone we need to set out one night im home for just the two of us so i get us a hotelroom we eat at nice place do the love bird thing everyone here was my age once but that is a promis to each outer to keep our fire burning for each other but thats enough about that how do i know about this and i hope your hear msharnony this will hit your college fund comment i was going to jump on that ban wagon like my friends have with the gass boom but me and mis sat down and talked how long will all this really last when things slow down jobs will harder maybe thats why i left the welding feild cuz short term the gas industry makes more long run at this company to start the steersman program to to be a polit you have tohave five years as a deckhand thats what i am now but every polit starting out makes six figures now ill be twenty five in may and have one year in lets jump ten years im thirt five a polit my son is twelve how proud do you think that little boy will be of his dad you piece of **** paficstar and ms harmony what kinds doors do you think that will open for my son and mistys three for college even tho my hope would be have them on the water with me ill support there choices so am i worried about what i spend for the attorney for the fight to be in my sons life to be a good example to these kids as well as my younger brothers and sisters i believe in family my oldest sister is 23 three and has over the years caused me to gain a crooked nose and more than a few scares on face and a few nightsin the county jaili but thats small town life and what big brothers are for so call lousy agian and tell me im not doing the right thing and be thankful your a woman and its via internet lousy father i am not far from perfect but i do care how i look in my comunity its important soset a good example to my younger brothers and sisters as well as my kids with that finally being said and my fingers hurting from typing on this dam phone keyboard i wish everyone a good day

I believe the point has been missed.. from what I understood.. Deny, correct me please if I'm wrong here.. but Deny is living in a world where not many people see his point of view.. he's being bashed from every side, including having to prove his worth as a father(which seems he's working very hard at trying to accomplish).. again.. I understood he was just looking for some affirmations and support as to what he was doing right.. and maybe get a better understanding of why he has to suffer thru all this.. I don't think he was looking for more negativity.. nor probably did he expect people would jump to conclusions NOR barrage him with fervent opposing points of view (note the highlighted part above?) it kind of makes it sound more like he has to agree with you..

I agree that he is not the most articulate writer (sorry Deny) and I did have to re-read his comments more than once to get a better understanding of what he was really trying to say.. however.. I've often found asking questions avoids anyone feeling like they have Egg on their Face because someone jumped to the wrong conclusion.. which sadly many people do(jump to conclusions before knowing all the facts)

you both have added very valuable opinions on many threads.. and oftentimes offered a perspective that has helped many others.. but on this I'm afraid.. I do not agree.. I believe this is doing nothing more than adding to his frustrations.. but of course.. this is JMO

happy new year all!!

Is the money alimony or just stand alone child support?

Of the latter; I truly do not understand how judges, lawyers cannot be sued for conspiracy to misappropriation of funds in carp as this.
I guess the word support is abused.

s'pose I'll go watch Legend Billie Jean once again to learn of fair is fair.

(I didn't read all of these posts cuz y'all don't ever space.
I waza smudging the screen wit me finger trying to read along.) :)

Deny.. it's a given that not everyone will agree with what we say.. that's okay.. seeking out other opinions is always good regardless if they differ or not.. but that doesn't mean we have to prove anything to anyone either

I won't pretend to know your court proceedings or judicial systems being I'm from another country.. (thankfully our gov't is unanimous at supporting what is in the best interest of the child .. fairly!) so there's not much I can say in that way to help but I can offer you this.. it looks like you are on the right track in doing the honorable thing in wanting to support and be with your child.. I agree that it would be unfair IF the money you send is being used for other purposes than the child's own well-being.. but I applaud your determined efforts none the less.. just keep doing what you feel is right.. and eventually it'll all work itself out

I believe the point has been missed.. from what I understood.. Deny, correct me please if I'm wrong here.. but Deny is living in a world where not many people see his point of view.. he's being bashed from every side, including having to prove his worth as a father(which seems he's working very hard at trying to accomplish).. again.. I understood he was just looking for some affirmations and support as to what he was doing right.. and maybe get a better understanding of why he has to suffer thru all this.. I don't think he was looking for more negativity.. nor probably did he expect people would jump to conclusions NOR barrage him with fervent opposing points of view (note the highlighted part above?) it kind of makes it sound more like he has to agree with you..

I agree that he is not the most articulate writer (sorry Deny) and I did have to re-read his comments more than once to get a better understanding of what he was really trying to say.. however.. I've often found asking questions avoids anyone feeling like they have Egg on their Face because someone jumped to the wrong conclusion.. which sadly many people do(jump to conclusions before knowing all the facts)

you both have added very valuable opinions on many threads.. and oftentimes offered a perspective that has helped many others.. but on this I'm afraid.. I do not agree.. I believe this is doing nothing more than adding to his frustrations.. but of course.. this is JMO

happy new year all!!



as a mother, I will tell you, sometimes the best thing you can do is not 'affirm' something that is going in the wrong direction

I have said nothing that I would not tell my own son or brother, your child is your responsibility,, what you contribute financially is your RESPONSIBILITY,

whatever household the child LIVES in and is maintained in should have a contribution of finances from whichever parent is not providing that home themself,

and any male or female looking at that as some type of burden, maybe wasnt mature enough to have a child in the first place


I also believe it sucks to be kept from a child, especially if you are handling your 'responsibilities'


theres the affirmation,,, deny, if you are providing the child support towards the childs 'support' , and there are no other issues with the court, the mother is in the absolute wrong to keep you from your child

but the child support is not something that makes you a victim of any sort, so long as you are not providing the childs home and someone else is,,,

im not sure how child support is misappropriation of funds,,,

im not sure how child support is misappropriation of funds,,,


If monies are not going directly to child, drop him off, hop back on the lawn mower 'n go back to what you were doing before is the only solution I see here.
Seems itemizing iza chore nobody has to do. Nor drug tests.

im not sure how child support is misappropriation of funds,,,


If monies are not going directly to child, drop him off, hop back on the lawn mower 'n go back to what you were doing before is the only solution I see here.
Seems itemizing iza chore nobody has to do. Nor drug tests.




ummm,, no

money doesnt go directly to kids even whem people stay together

child support is to go towards all the things that make up the 'support' of that child

feeding them, clothing them, providing their shelter, their heat, their air, their transportation, their cable/internet, entertainment with and for the child,,,etc,,

it goes to the household which houses the child as part of the total budget it takes to run that household