I once read somewhere ( IDK maybe a psychology book) that people who have been in dysfunctional relationships be it from living with family member(s) or spouses with substance abuse or emotional abuse etc are kind of "programmed" to have to have that chaos in their lives and if things are going to smooth they seek out ways to have that chaos or they don't feel functional.

This is not what the op was talking about. People like this are the ones CAUSING the drama. the disorder is called Borderline Personality disorder. It occurs often in people who's parents were divorced during the child's early life (about 2 or 3 years). The only attention the child got was when he or she acted out. There is no cure or treatment for it. However, in women it seems to get better after menopause.

This type of person should be avoided at all cost.

There is treatment for personality disorders, it's called DBT.

Do you mean DTB? As in dump that b*tch? Or is there another meaning I'm unfamiliar with?

Yes it's called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and it's and adjunct to Cognitive Therapy which is a commonly used treatment for depression. Behaviors are learned after all and can be changed.

Thank you for that clarification. Although, I think DTB is more aprapos for most of us.

And now we return you to the original topic.

I believe the question was "why do women like jerks" as you can see from what I stated is because some people "are programmed" to seek out dysfunctional relationships because this is what is preceived as normal for them and what they consider normal, and yes a learned behavior can be reprogrammed once the person is aware of it.

Agreed but I also like the comment that some guys are perceived as jerks by other men and really aren't. Lets face it all women like to be treated differently by men and not all men will kiss a woman's butt just to please her. I think its all in how the woman sees the man she is with and no one ele's opinion is going to matter.

Once again, the OP wasn't referring to women with mental issues. Women, in general, do prefer "jerks." Ask any woman about her last boyfriend and she'll tell you what a jerk he was. But, she luuuuuuved him. She had sex with him. She thought about him when he wasn't around.

What women are actually attracted to are alpha males. Leaders. This is in her evolutionary programming. If she aligns herself with a tribal leader she gains not only his protection, but also the protection of the whole tribe not just for herself, but also for her children. It makes perfect sense from a survival point of view.

The trouble is that alpha males usually have a number of options when it comes to women. So, he's always looking to upgrade to a younger, more attractive (healthier) woman. This is his evolutionary programming. Of course, that makes him a jerk. But, he doesn't care because he has all the women he wants.

Nice guys are seldom alpha males. They're just too nice to hold on to that kind of power if they're able to get it in the first place.

This is why rock stars, film stars, sports stars and politicians are never lacking female company and why they are often caught in scandals.

so in your opinion a drug addled "bad boy" is considered an alpha male? or a man who lets the woman support him financially that's an alpha male? No those are jerks plain and simple

trying to talk to him is futile: definitional "jerk"

and I say no more

No, that's not what I said at all. Alpha males lead their social groups no matter where they are. Business, prison, street gangs etc. He is the most alpha male within her social circle.

YES! As long as he lives by HIS rules and NOT her's, she will respect him and stay with him. But, as soon as he starts giving into her, she starts losing interest.

What happens is a woman will talk to a nice guy about her relationship problems and the nice guy gets only her side of the story. So, he naturally thinks she's in love with a jerk.

What Mr. Niceguy doesn't understand is that this woman doesn't see him as a man. He's just like another one of her girlfriends. But, he thinks if he gives her enough emotional support and bails her out of trouble often enough she'll see him as her knight in shining armor and fall in love with him. In other words, he's trying to buy her. In reality, Mr niceguy is the jerk.

I totally agreee with that statement

What I'm pointing out is that every woman has a jerk in her past and many have several. This tells me that women find jerks attractive whether they care to admit it or not.

Women do not want men that they know are jerks. However, the men they are attracted, many times, ARE jerks, they merely confuse their jerky traits for strengths.

Nice guys are usually boring.

Navygirl..I agree too...It can be a way to protect their ego...I also agree with what you wrote awhile back when it comes to men who call and "market themselves" as "nice."...Do you call or refer to yourself as "nice" very often or boast and brag about being "nice?" I don't!..And I get nervous if someone starts calling me "nice" all the time..I usually protest and tell them that I'm not really a "saint" or perfect person. And I may start pointing out my flaws to get my point across. How about you?

Yeah...well it started as a *snicker*...then i was like *bahahahahahaha*

Loved it