Three years ago I met a guy who lit up my life for a brief time. After a few months we broke up because he was separated and wanted to work on his marriage, which I understood at the time and still do.

Since then I've been on a number of dates, but none of the guys I've met have felt as right to me as the one who got away. Don't get me wrong, I've met some great guys, good looking, smart, funny, with everything in the world going for them. The primary problem was/is lack of that indescribable thing called chemistry, that feeling that makes you all lightheaded and dizzy, that makes your heart race and your breath quicken. I used to get literally dizzy just from being close to him, sharing the same airspace, or whenever our eyes met, call me crazy, but that's the way it was at the time, all the time, 24-7.

I'm wondering if I'll ever meet anyone else who makes my heart race like the guy I loved and lost. Do you think it's possible to find someone who lights up your world more than once in a lifetime? And, if not, is chemistry necessary to a lasting relationship? Am I asking too many questions or does it just seem like it because I'm sleep deprived and overcaffeinated? Do I need to eat some more strudel or just jump in the oven and set the timer to bake??? :)

Could the "feeling" be because he was only separated and he was supposed to be "off limits?"

Or was he a challange because still had ties to his wife? Really think this through and I beleive you will find you answer.

Think with your head not your heart.

Good luck!

well first of all how can u go for someone who is married? i wouldnt even put myself in that position..I wouldnt even go on one date with a married man, unless u didnt know he was till later..and for him to date u being married, tells me he's no good!

chemistry is very important, then hopefully the rest will follow. communication, honesty, etc..

Im sure he's out there for u, shenerd..just stay away from the married ones please..

I can understand being seperated legally waiting for the pending divorce, then deciding to try and make it work, He probably thought his marriage was over.
as for the "spark" thing? It will happen but I suspect you may be looking for the same guy with a different name! everyone is different, you have to look for the "special something" in that person, not the things that made the other guy special in someone different. am I making sense?
have a good day, it will work out

I knew he was married at the time and I didn't intend to fall in love with him, but quite honestly I couldn't control myself or the depth of my feelings once I dove into the relationship. When it comes to love, I am all heart and no brains, unlike every other aspect of my life, which I find more than a bit ironic and also quite frustrating, but apparently that's just the way I'm made.

You may be right about the forbidden fruit aspct of it though, as I'm the type of gal who loves a challenge, the bigger the better. I guess I need to go back in the oven so I can be reprogrammed to fall in love with the available guys and not the ones who are off limits, at least from a legal standpoint.

I agree with Lissa, maybe you felt that much for him because he was off limits? Did you know that he was just seperated? If so, maybe you knew that you could just have fun and not have to be committed.
I do think there are people out there that we feel "great" around, I am sure that you will find that again. I think we do have people we have chemistry with, I think if you feel good about yourself...it shows. Men find this very sexy and I think when you feel good about yourself, it makes you more attractive.I just think that everyone needs to get more in-touch with who they are and what they want. It seems like to many women change to try and please the men...why do women do this?
Sooo back to your little delema....I think I would just forget about this guy. My question is this, if he was "just" seperated when you met him, if you got together with him and was a couple, do you think you could really trust him? My answer would be NO!!! Always look for a divorced man who has put his past behind him and is ready to move forward!!
Good luck

Know your not asking to many questions.And yes I do believe,you fill find someone that will make you feel all those things again.And I myself can't wait to feel that again.We have to believe they are there. Keep your chin up girl,it will happen.Luv ya,Pam

I met someone like that and dated him for a month. We mutually called it quits and are best friends now but i miss him like crazy. I want to be with him again but he says he likes the friends thing. We broke up because of lack of time because he races.

Dear Shenerd,

.......I am writing to appeal to your intellect..... sometimes ya have to take a side door entrance ....lol

So , I will ask you to read an old favorite of mine, "The Road Less Travelled" by Scott Peck

I think you will find this very wonderful and informative....if it is not enough to give you that kick in the ass, that one kick that finally makes the difference, then my next weapon ...i mean, my next suggestion, lol
is to read the HORRIBLY EMBARRASSING AND CONFRONTATIONAL book,
(get out the brown paper and cover it first...makes it easier to get thru )

"Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood

i don't know your history or any personal facts.... but there is enough in formation in these 2 books to give you some powerful perspectives.

ok.... when you finish those...hahahahhahahahhaaaaaaaaa

read "The Great Cosmic Mother" by Monica Sjoo


that oughta keep you busy and distracted for awhile!!!

kisses and good luck

Hi bl8ant,

Believe it or not I've read the first 2 books, (I must be pretty dense, maybe it's time for a reread). However, the third title is new to me, I'll have to check it out. I love cosmic stuff and anything to do with metaphysics, especially if it involves bedsheets and peanut butter. :)

SN -- I know exactly what you mean. I lost my "big spark" a year and a half ago, and have been wondering if there could be another one ever since.

And I've been in a couple of relationships since then, but I think it was too soon, they felt more like "rebound" things and were mildly diverting, but nothing even remotely approaching a spark.

I guess one reason I signed up here was in the hopes that I would run across someone who could spark me up again, but no such luck....

Lex, I'm sorry to hear this. It's hell when you know deep down that you've met the one, but for some reason you can't be with him or her the way you want to be. I've been trying to settle for less ever since, but I just can't bring myself to do it. IMHO no one should ever settle for less than 100% of what they really truly want in a serious relationship, otherwise someone always gets hurt in the long run. I'm not out to hurt myself or anyone else, I just want to find a guy who can make me feel alive again, the way my magic man made me feel. :)

I sympathise with you. You meet someone, the spark is there, but there is always something that throws a spanner in the works.

Look up she. You could always start a LDR with me.
What with the tuba, accordian, monkey, swonnicles and droigles ang Llama balls. We'd be a perfect match

Hey Tom, you may have something there. Toss in some strudel for the monkey and you've got yourself a big fat hairy deal. :)

......ok ok ok ..... so then don't you ask yourselves, what's wrong with this picture??

what are we neglecting to see?




what's up with this addiction to chemistry, and making it the qualification for LOVE...pure true love. ?????

how many have we had this chemistry with, and what did we learn from that?

did anyone notice how the chemistry has it's seasons??
or that relationships for that matter have their seasons, but for that we've been so programmed for instant gratification , we no longer allow for winter ..we want spring and summer now and perpetually!!!!


ahhhhhhh i will say more but see where you run with this....

Baby, there HAS to be an alternate that brings a love full turn. This person may not be what you would expect, but yet, if you look deep, a different chemistry emerges. The blessed are the ones who only have one love!

well that's a point of view!!!


i say the blessed are those that love abundantly and don't lock it up in a box!!

I don't lock it up, I just toss it in the oven and turn up the heat. :)

...i've burned a few myself that way !!!!

Not to worry, they taste better when they're nice and crispy. :)