In a nut shell, how does one start over, when they were involved with someone for over 13 years?

One day at a time. One step at a time. If you are ready to try again, get out there and try.

you get to know yourself more....you don't jump into anything right away just to be not lonely. go find yourself first.

well a first post here is one way! but you should really put up a post in the new members welcome area - it pays to advertise!

slow.........do my feet smell good???

uh oh I can't look...

but yes. nice pedi!

get to know who you are without the other person learn what makes you tick
treat yourself to some time alone
go out have fun

Wow! I can't compete with 13 years, so you have to take my advice with a grain a salt and that is:

Long term:

You loved and cared about the person and it is ok to genuinely care for your ex, but not "love" anymore. It is not fair to the next woman in your life or to you.

Learn and grow from it and bring your growth into your next relationship.

Celebrate your new found bachlerhood and freedom. Do things that your previous engagement prevented you from or find some new hobbies.

Short term:

Find a prostitute or a bar fly and show them a good time


Just expressing my own opinion, but best of luck to you.

I agree with Gyps.

I also think you need to really make sure that the issues that didn't allow it to work the first time are things that have truly been dealt with and/or are things that can be corrected. Sometimes there are just character traits/habits that just won't allow the relationship to work.

Good luck!

Go play paint ball or try rock climbing.

I agree with Gyps and Bayarea! You need to discover what makes you happy first. Once you do that you start looking for someone to compliment that feeling. Good luck!!

i know what its like i was in a relationship for 10 years.

keep your mind occupied,be positive,have a cold one or 12.

listen to good music helped me through pain and suffering.

although i still get in my "thinking about the past" moods

then i just toss some floyd in and get it off my mind.

Mine was 20 years. Poof....


In the beginning it was quite surreal and I moved through my day on autopilot. I tried to find a new normal in this foreign single land ... I had never been single.

After about 5-6 months I thought I might like to try dating and my inclination was to try to find my 'forever' man. I wanted a relationship ... a long term one because that is what was familiar to me. I am so grateful that didn't happen because I would have made much different choices for myself then than I will now.

My friend told me that but I didn't believe him He was right. Now that it is approaching 2 years I know the kind of person I am looking for because I know me better.


So to start over, I made a list of things that made me feel good. Things that I could do ... some free, some inexpensive, some splurges that would feed me intellectually, my need for social interaction, nurture my spirit, my need to learn and grow.

And I made sure I did something on that list every day...whether it was a walk in nature, a movie, an openning at an art gallery, a playdate with my nephew, a bubble bath, a weekend trip to the mountains, learning to skate, overcoming my fear of roller coasters, a chai tea latte, an afternoon reading the poetry of Hafiz and Neruda, coffee with a friend etc. It was important that that I did something on that list especially on the days I didn't feel like it.

When you fill the areas of your life up you find such richness and fullness then whoever you invite in compliments your life. You are not looking to them to fill holes and gaps.

Like others have said it starts with you... once you are happy with the new life you have built for yourself then you will be more clear about the kind of person you will want to invite in.

I am not sure how long you have been single but this is some of what worked for me in the beginning.

Best wishes and welcome to JSH

art gurl yur such a wonderfull woman, im surprised yur not scooped up.!!!!!!!!!!!!

awwww thank you hawk

The First Step is the Hardest one to take.....Realizeing your Over 30 and Single again.....Thats kind of a Reality Check.....

This is a good topic and already some very sound advice! I believe the part you played in the seperation/divorce also makes a difference. At least a difference in your frame of mind. I personally wanted to be around people. I did not hit the party seen or the bars but I made a great effort to get out and meet as many people as I could. I made great new friends and a few men I would consider dating if the opportunity presented itself. I did not jump into bed with the next Joe in an effort to get over my ex.. But I did flirt ALOT! I got some attention that I have not had in a very long time not just from men I thought attractive but from new friends and co-workers and really anyone I came into contact with. I learned alot about myself. In the midst of getting all this new found attention I also found that I had the ability to make those around me feel good. I love to compliment people so I made an effort to compliment everyone but I never complimented someone unless it was sincere. I felt good for making them feel good. I changed my entire wardrobe as well and went for a whole new look. My ex always made me wear high collared shirts buttoned all the way up and turtle necks in the winter. So I went out and bought (not trashy) clothes that showed a little cleavage and instead of my slacks I've worn for years to work I bought some nice skirts with a small slit nothing tacky. To top my new outfits I bought black hose and nice heels. No more sneakers for me unless I was at the gym. I felt good about myself and those around me always had a smile. I only surrounded myself with people with a good positive attitude. Anyway, that is what worked for me. Learn to enjoy life, find what makes you tick and run with it! sorry I babbled for so long hope it helps and best of luck to all

Lots and lots of sex and chocolate with a slice of strudel and plenty of whipped cream. :)

SheNerd... there must be more to it than that

True, I forgot the kielbasa. There's nothing like a nice juicy kielbaba... :)