picking up the broken pieces is not an easy task.... they usually don't fit back the way they used to and a few pieces are shattered too much.

it's easy for someone to tell you to get back on your feet again.. doing it takes gumption(thats a lil texas term)

you can do it.... try not to dwell on what was.... clean out that closet and make room.... cause darlin' now is the time for YOU.

Good luck

gumption, thats my term........

For me it was 13yrs.too.And took me alot more yrs. to want to try again,but you have to put the past behind you and move forward one day at a time,life is to precious to wait.Good luck.

well kiddo, I was married for 24 years. Husband chose his job, over me! I am just learning how to pick up the pieces myself. I have had a date here or there, but I'm finding that its hard to trust anyone, i think it just takes time
hang in there they tell me it gets better

I've been wondering a lot about the whole "starting over" thing, too.

After my divorce, I moved around a lot for awhile because of some serious problems with the ex-in-laws.

Found the perfect girlfriend and lost her because of those same ex-in-laws, who cannot stand the thought of me being happy.

Moved again, to a horrible, unfriendly place where it's quite impossible to meet anybody at all, and I'm stuck here for awhile.

So I thought I'd try the internet, and that has been about as successful as mackerel pudding.

I'm guessing that starting over is a lot easier if you can find a venue where there are people, people who actually want to interact with somebody. And I'm still looking for that venue....

give up the attachment to the MOVIE, to the fairy tale picture you've been conditioned to blindly accept, ie: Happily Ever After, and "One Day my Prince Will Come".....


take a year to mourn and grieve and process... examine with painful honesty your role/s and your decisions, your priorities and flexibility,
whenever you feel the swelling of emotions..sit and write them all down , be as extreme as it feels and keep it on the paper....

rather than looking at all the other did to get you here, look at how YOU, got YOU here....recognize with a neutral mind the choices you made, or ignored making. Glean from this education, with it's expensive tuition, the awareness that will support your healthy evolution , ( the operative word being evolve)

to evolve is not staying in the same old patterns...but really designing a way of life that honestly works.

the conventional roles and institutions do not work anymore.... but humans cling.

forgive yourself for being human, cultivate a keen sense of humour, (which will have many colours hahhaha) and extend yourself

stretch...grow.... fall in love with your self as you look at life with new eyes...the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself, first. when that is healthy and balanced you will attract what you reflect.

Go slow, take time for yourself, do some things you have wanted to do that you couldn't before and did I mention take it slow?

Here's my story. It's still being written, so take from it what you think might help you. I'm in the Navy and my ex was stuck with me someplace that she didn't want to be. We'd only been together and married for a short while, I think about 4 years total when the divorce was final. Mostly together because we had kids... anyway, I saw that I couldn't give her what would make her happy (no duty stations near enough for her to her family) and she was making me unhappy and basically turning into a crappy mom... so I cut her lose. Which of course is all my fault, but that's another story...

Since we split up, I really didn't know what to do. I was a good dad and enjoyed my kids and a good husband and was trying to work on that, but all that was gone. I was too mature to booze it up every night and smart enough to know that shacking up with every 18+yo that I could talk out of her pants was a bad idea... but it sure was tempting.

What I've learned so far is that it's a highly dynamic process. As you go, you'll figure out different things about what was wrong with the relationship; what was you, what was the other, what you liked and didn't like and what you want for the future and what you want to avoid... this doesn't strike me as a quick process. I've been separated for almost two years and I'm still figuring this stuff out. I've broken a couple hearts along the way, which I feel really bad about, but I was always honest with them. I always told them exactly what was going on in my head; my desires, my expectations, my doubts, my issues. I was also very sensitive to what they needed and wanted as well, accommodated as best I could, and was honest when I could not or didn't feel like making those compromises would push me in the direction I was heading.

Point is, you do what you got to do. The pain's not over, you just owe it to yourself and those that are interested in you and that you're interested in to maintain honesty and open communications. Some people can be stepping stones in the direction of your healing, some you can help along the way, and you never know when two of you might fit together just right at the right time to grow together and capture the kind of companionship that our previous failures have left us hungering for.

I think you have to get to know yourself and make sure that you are over your ex before you involve anyone else in your life! I think you have to clean up the past before you can move on with the future. Once you do that, then maybe you will want to start dating again. It took me awhile to even want to get back into the dating stages again.
The one thing you have to remember, you have children together so its never going to be easy. The best thing for all those concerned is to be friends. This might be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life...but stop and think of your children, and trust me, it will make life so much easier!!
When you do start dating, just remember you do not have to involve your children with every woman that you meet. Make sure that you like them well enough to take them home to meet them...so they should be special in your eyes!! Make sure these women like children~~~I had a rule, that once my kids met anyone that I did date....if my boys didn't like them, they had to go!! Its either all of us or it just wasn't going to work out, because we are a packaged deal.
I wish you luck and I hope you find what you are looking for