I never realized that you had to compliment someone in return if they gave you a compliment in order not to offend them. Why not just say thank you and leave it at that? I don't see what's wrong with that.

Don't return the compliment if it is not true. A person knows when they don't look so good.

If you know you are looking good, say Thank you! If you know you are not looking so good, then maybe they are just making conversation.

You can say, "That's very nice of you to say!"

Try to tune into the situation and play it by ear.

Well it sounds like...umm "thank you but I have nothing nice to say
to you unfortunately"...



It is imperative to find something nice to say in return for a
compliment. Is your hair less greasy, they did a great job burning off
that gigantic bluish mole, the cologne seems to be working now...you
know little diplomatic niceties like that...

Right. Not everyone will be fishing for a returned compliment. They may just be wanting to strike up a conversation. Flattery will get you a long way.

No it isn't. Just smile, say thank you very much and either change the topic to something else or move on.

When it happens to me, I am usually dumb founded and thinking to myself....

..."Who the hell is this person?"

(I don't have a good memory for faces and I don't usually even know half the people who talk to me..)

Yeah, I don't compliment people in order to receive compliments in return. That would make the compliment seem insincere and it probably shows.

All kidding aside it's most always really easy to find a sincere way to
compliment a friend or acquaintance and is always the right thing
to do...

This guy must of been really disgusting if this is an ethics question. How ugly was he?

Thank you kind sir would work in most awkward situations.

I would probably just say thanks then if you didn't want to return the compliment, change the subject and say 'how are you?' which would be valid if you hadn't seen them in a while.

Excellent way to express thanks and to compliment them on their
kindness!!

Compliments shouldn't be forced, or they'll seem insincere.

Oh I agree. It has to be sincere.

Now all you have to do is learn how to fake sincerity and you'll have it made.

I understand where you are coming from. You obviously know the person in one way or other..maybe you can say thank you and move on to asking about something regarding them that is important in their lives.

I agree with this: a thank you is often good enough, much like as they say, "a nod is as good as a wink".

I have a different answer yet. My answer hinges on "it's all in the delivery".

If you say to this awful looking person, after the person compliments you on your looks, "you too", then you would look sarcastic or fake if you say it with a straight face or saying an emotive exclamation liek "yeah, you too (huh)" or something.

But if you want to please them, you turn to them, and say it with a bright smile, "thanks, Lil, and you too!!" as your smile brightens and widens during the second part of the sentence.

It's a white lie, but if you do it well, you will see that this awful-looking person will VISIBLY become less awful looking almost instantly.


Happiness makes people look less awaful and more beautiful. We are happy when we get access to those things in which we lack. If a person lacks in looks, then when they feel admired for it, they feel really happy, and they will become better looking.


Case in point, and this is where I learnd this. I was visiting my sister (married with three kids) in Hungary, and went up to her place one day with my friend from our childhood, who is a very, very good looking, tall, strapping young man. She opened the door, and he said the most blantantly false compliment to her, how beautiful my sister was, and he put it in a poetic way. All three of us knew he was bs-sing, but he did it in an honest way, and the proper way. Plus, like I said, he looked like a love god. My sister did not hesitate to take the compliment and enjoy it fully.

Did she believe the compliment? No.

Did she believe he meant the compliment? No.

Was the giver of the compliment exceedingly handsome? Yes.

Was it in Europe where people play a bit of a stage in their everyday lives, even when it's not drama? Meaning they play more make-belief in their lives than in America? Yes.

Was she happy with the compliment? Yes.

Was she happy with the compliment although all of us knew it was bullsht? yes, because of the points before this sentence. The compliment was excellent, was delivered faultlessly, was worded poetically, was delivered by a strapping, beautiful man. Why would my sister get bogged down with it being false? That'd have been stupid of her. She took the compliment and ran with it.

And it was not all acting. It DID mean something to her, more than just a false compliment would have. It meant to her that he took the effort, which means he was in control of the situation, he respected her, and he was well intentioned. With these attributes it also helped her to accept the compliment.

So there. If you do it next time, OP, with this awful looking person, the more Americanized way, which is more with honesty and open feelings, then you have to do it with more acting ability, because you want to make her believe you are honest about your compliment (unlike my friend's to my sister). Once you mastered how to do it, or even before, people will lap you up.

You can consider this as a false act, as a manipulative act. Yes, you would be doing something incincere, but not manipulative at all. You'd do this to make your awful looking person feel better about his or herself. You won't do this for an ulterior motive, because of an agenda you have, or becasue you want to use her or him. You do this as an altruistic incincerety, and that, at least in my books, is okay.

Much like charity. You give cash to charities. Did the charities earn this money you give them? Did they provide you with a service or goods to earn your money? No. You give it to them to make THEM feel better about themselves, which may make you feel better about yourself in turn. Same with he false compliment, which you must deliver sincerely. You don't give the compliment because the awful looking person earned it by his or her looks. Much like the charities did not earn your money by providing a service or giving you goods.

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Edit: people could not get away in North America at all with the false compliment like my friend gave to my sister, much less give joy to others with it, like my sister head upon getting it. We are too puritanic, straightforward, sincere for that here. it's not a question of different morals, or standards of morals; it's a social custom that encroaches into territories that pry different moral standards, but the actual difference is in the social ingraining of acceptability of levels of incincerety.

So don't practice my friends' method here in North America.

I am saying you can ONLY practice it if you are really good at making others believe you are totally sincere. If you can't do that, don't bother.

I am not saying you should do learn how to be insincere. I am saying that there are instances in which insincerity is worth its weight in gold, AND for all the right reason. I say in these instances the Church woudl approve of some little incencerity (if done well).

My best friend Paul (now a victim of violent suicide) once came to visit, and said to me,

Hey, Andrew, what did you do to your face to make it less laughable in?

That guy was priceless, so witty and brilliant. Until he killed himself. Now I wouldn't give even a halfpenny for him.

Those who compliments about looks,generally expects similar response as they have full attention towards the looks.

obviously,they wouldn't feel it proper if there is no compliment in return.


Some people,seldom pays attention towards the appearance & they pay compliments if really someone is looking very happy or really gorgeous,but they don't mind anyway...what compliment is returned to them.

I would keep things simple. Thank them for the compliment and ask how they were keeping, their response would guide me to whatever I would say next, and depend on how well I knew them previously.