There are different types of attachment disorder. Some desire attachments in at least a significant other and yet can't feel them. Anyway yes I know I have a problem and have discussed this with my gf. The reason I like to play the field is really just because of dopamine. You know that chemical your body releases that is kind of the honeymoon effect if you will. It's just once that fades people normally T_T place it with an attachment. The problem is I don't know if I have something that can very treated or just a limited emotional spectrum. Either way it sucks. I have to pretend to care about things I should care about, like my cousins wedding or even when my sister got married. It's not that I have changed recently. I have always felt like this but didn't realize or at least admit I had a problem until recently. Thus since a couple weeks ago life has been a bit more difficult but I think I am reaching the acceptance stage..

Here's my two cents for what it's worth. Studied attachment disorder while getting my BS in Biobehavioral Psychology.

Most think it's due to bonding issues as an infant or young child, however there is also strong evidence that links this disorder to neurological deficits of the child, meaning the emotional center of the brain isn't functioning properly. This could be a chemical imbalance (too few dopamine receptors in that area, not enough dopamine production in general, for examples), or simply an anomalie in the pathways that connect different brain areas.

Debate comes down to the old chicken and egg argument...what comes first? Is a child born with this deficit or does neglect and abandonment by a caregiver early in development cause the brain malfunction? I figure it doesn't really matter either way, you still gotta figure out what to do about it...

Luckily our brains are pliable; we CAN retrain them! I'd suggest seeing a psychiatrist to check for a chemical imbalance...you did mention needing the rush of playing the field and attributing it to the craving for dopamine. He can also probably do some imaging studies to measure emotional reaction to see if you have normal activity in that area of your brain. From what you've said so far, mu guess is you won't light up there. Then comes the hard part, behavior therapy. Eventually you should be able to 'learn' how to care. I know that sounds counterintuitive but it is possible. Ask about biofeedback and exposure therapy, they may offer some help for ya.

Good luck.

Yea I think I see a psychologist and Maybe I should see a psychiatrist but I don't think there are any where I work and I commute an hour so I don't know how I can see one.

Best answer.

I hear what you are saying about the dopamine but have you explained that to your girlfriend as weel? You said she loves you and wants kids, is this fair to her in anyway?

I explained it yes. She thought about going back to Korea but she wants to see how therapy goes. I just scheduled my psychiatric appointment. It will be a few weeks until I can go. Hopefully I can get some answers.

A psychologist can help with the behavior therapy part, but if it is a chemical imbalance, only a psychiatrist can prescribe drugs to try to address the issue. Either way, try to find someone to recommend the imaging study. It's painless...they just hook up electrodes to your head and flash pictures on a screen. Should provide some insight and then they can recommend a psychiatrist in your area if that's what you need. Might not be one at work, but if you can commute there, you can commute to an appt with a shrink as needed right? Where there's a will there's a way, especially if it might increase your happiness level ten fold and allows you to have what you seem to be looking for...the close emotional bond with someone. What's that worth???

Oh, and there's no shame in seeing a shrink. Only the weak don't admit when they need help...the strong get it and move on with gratitude in their hearts for those that helped them.

Well I commend you on your honesty. I think it's great she is standing by your side, not sure I could personally handle that but since you two are being open about it, that's great. The fact you have been honest with her shows that you do have some feelings and do care about her. That's a big step and you can accept that as a positive thing regarding your emotions.

I have no idea what you're talking aboot!




Good luck to you mate! And kudos for taking the first steps

I did some reading on that myself and when I read the symptons; it sounds how I feel. Hmm, wonder if I went through all these years having Attachment Disorder? I guess the only difference is; unlike the op I don't fear growing old alone. Although; there are different types of this disorder. I seem to fit this one.
AVOIDANT

Intense anger and loss
Hostile
Critical of others
Sensitive to blame
Lack of empathy
Views others as untrustworthy
Views others as undependable
Views self as unlovable or "too good" for others
Relationships feel either threatening to one's sense of control, not worth the effort, or both
Compulsive self-reliance
Passive withdrawal
Low levels of perceived support
Difficulty getting along with co-workers, often preferring to work alone
Work may provide a good excuse to avoid personal relations
Fear of closeness in relationships
Avoidance of intimacy
Unlikely to idealize the love relationship
Tendency toward Introjective depression (self critical)

Has anyone heard of RAD, Reactive Attachment Disorder?

Yeah you guys ain't Ross and Rachel. I'd haul it before things get worse. I know its easier to say but it'll save you a lot of drama in the long run. Plus you are working on who you are. She moved away from you now move away from the situation entirely.

Not she didn't move away from me. She lives with me. We met in Japan and dated there and now she lives in the US with me. Just wanted to clear that up.

I actually have a post about this on a RAD forum.

Yea I have read that same thing and believe that is the closest thing to how I am. I don't think I would say I fear being alone when I am older. It's not like I think about it constantly and have a great fear of it. It's more like I have this idealized fantasy in my head about what love is and should be and want to have that but think I never will. I read somewhere that the avoidance type also uses fantasy to escape. I do that all the time. I am always day dreaming or what not.

You know we seem to have that in common about the day dreaming. I do that too and yes I do use fantasy to escape. It makes life easier to cope with.

That's very true, most of what I write is fantasy fiction. I also watch a lot of films and tv stuff

I think its a great way to escape all the crap that life throws at you. Me, I take long bicycle rides on the bike trails here and fantisize. I always feel so much happier after a ride. I also escape with my dreams. Just last night I had another flying dream and I always seem to feel great after having a flying dream. Funny how that works.

What do those flying dreams mean? I used to have them all the time when I was younger. I live in a corner where the street forms a T. I always dreamt I was flying down the long street taking off. I wonder if it has to do with escaping.

Where can I find it?