Its after 3 in the morning and I need to be at work in less than 5 hours.

The thoughts that keep me from sleep?

My wife died from complications of a genetic form of breast cancer. My oldest daughter has a 1 in 4 chance to get it as well. My youngest daughter has a 1 in 8 chance. Therefore I have a 1 in 32 chance that I will bury both of my girls.

I'm sorry if I'm not the happy cheerful man everyone knows right now, but its what's on my mind.

That and I want to talk to my "little sister" Katertots, but she is still MIA as far as I know.

Ya know, if we all came with an expiration
date tag, maybe on a foot, then we would
know when to start worrying about death.

Anything short of that, and you take on
unnecessary burdens.

Thereby making the time you/they do have
worth less.
Not to mention the accompanying unhappiness.
Perhaps even hastening it.

Hate to see you diminishing todays, in
expectation of sad tomorrows.

In my head I know you are right.

Its just one of those nights.

Hey there Captain,

Cant help at all but just remember you are never alone, you have a whole computer full of friends who love and care about you.

She'll be right mate.

I could send you some more vegemite to make you feel better, Tim Tams or Milo

Thank you Josie.

I'm sure I'll be right as rain when the sun comes up.

Yep when you have something else to think about.

The mind is a pain in the butt at times.

But really I try not to think about death.


Why dont you just write your daughters an email and let them know how much you love them, that way at least you are doing something while you are thinking about them.

I love getting emails from my Mum or Dad, it just reminds me that they love me. Even though I know it.

Hugs to you Captain. The fear of death of our loved ones ought to remind us to love like there is no tomorrow. Tell them now, tomorrow, the day after....

Hard to think of good thoughts when we are over tired and our children feel so vunerable. Everyday we get closer to understanding what what causes cancer and how we can overcome it so it is a good time to be hopeful. Enjoy the life you have and live it well becasue what Cancer can't take from you is the present.

Captain... ((((hugs))))) .
I am so sorry you are having a tough night with your thoughts and worry.

It's hard, but try not to worry about things you have no control over. I hope you are at work having a great day!

I'm doing a lot better today.

Its just the nights that are hard somedays.

That's when my dark thought appear. Glad to hear you are doing better!!!

Great to hear :-)

hang in there my friend...

Sorry to hear that you're on a downer. I sometimes still think about a certain pet I once had, even though she died ten year ago. Sometimes our emotions can creep up on us unexpectedly. Glad you said you were feeling happeir today though. We are all here if you need us. :)

Can't stop thinking of that thing i witnessed it tore me open and i can't get it out of my head!

Captain, my wife died from complications pertaining to lymphoma, and I find myself thinking about her death. So, I can relate to the emotional roller-coaster that you are on.

Didnt you just move? Or you are about to move to NY? I am sure there has been a lot of stress going on and the fact that you can not sleep makes you more vulnerable to negativity. It is hard to sleep when you can find the off switch to your brain and it's hard to redirect those thoughts when your so damn tired. Focus on the positives, your starting a new life yeah? Dont count your eggs before they hatch or something like that,

Dont bury your daughters yet, enjoy what you have now, what is here right now, enjoy it and dont plan for what is not yet gone.