You have to be open to the idea of romantic love with a person to fall in love. You have to invest energy on a daily basis to fuel your feelings for the person. It's easier if you are attracted to the person and have things in common, but any couple can make it work if they are dedicated to it. I work and have worked with people who were in arranged marriages. Their marriages get better every single year, even when they start off rough. They don't believe in divorce and both parties will do anything it takes to make the marriage work, because they feel pressure from their families.

Relationships and marriages fail because one or both parties give up, not because it could never work. If both people wanted the relationship to work and put in the effort, then it would work.

What you seem to be saying is that you can choose to fall in love with anyone if you put the effort into it. I don't agree that can happen. Sure, relationships take work, but I don't think love can be forced.

What is love? Give a definition.

I don't think love is a choice.

I can choose to protect my heart and not act on my feelings but I don't choose who I fall in love with.

everything is a choice

the romantic ideal of falling 'in love' only describes a momentary or temporary excitement,,,

truly LOVING , unconditionally and forever, is a choice,,,

I'm with you, on this one. Falling in love, and then choosing to act on those feelings are two different things.

as is choosing to MAINTAIN those feelings,,,

Does your answer change with different definitions?

I disagree that loving someone unconditionally and forever is a choice. I think you can fall out of love, but I don't believe it's a choice.

No, but I think you would find that your definition of love is either unworkable, illogical or supports the idea of love as a choice, without your being aware of it.

Why would you think that? Simply because I don't agree with you?

No, because I believe I am right.

If you've been able to choose who you fall in love with, then yes, you are right when it comes to what happens for you.

I've never chosen who I've fallen in love with. I don't choose who I am attracted to. I may choose to stay with them or not stay with them, but that's not making the decision as to whether I love them or not.

I believe we can only fall in love with those we are around,, and an open heart can and WILL fall in love more than once if the opportunity is there

so we can CHOOSE to let a love fade and to build love as well,,,

I am agreeing with everything Spidercmb says here. Indian families choose socially respected 'possibile marraige partners' for their children. They choose around 12, give photos or recommendations to their children and then it all flows from there.

Have you ever tried to fall in love with someone? If not, how would you know if it's possible or not?

I'm sure it's possible to fall in "love" with someone on accident, but how long does that last? That "love" is the momentary infatuation that you experience when meeting a person, nothing more. Love is choosing to overlook your partners flaws and see only the best in him / her. Love is choosing to forgive and be patient with your lover. Love is...heck, I'll let the Bible do my talking.



The Bible is describing standards of behaviors for lovers, not some magical feeling that comes over you one day and stays with you for life. Love IS a relationship and it takes WORK.

Amen to that! Love is a thing to be learned. I came from foster homes where there was no love. I never knew how to love until I was taught by the bible. Great post Spidercmb.

I have tried to make myself be romantically interested in someone who I wasn't necessarily interested in/attracted to in the beginning. It just doesn't work. If it's not there, it's not there.

I dont think making yourself fall in love and allowing yourself to fall in love are the same thing

there is that romantic 'ideal' of love that hollywood promotes, it just 'happens' and magically maintains itself just becuase it is love


but REAL love does involve choice

the choice tolove or be in love in the first place, of one commits themself to closing their heart,they probably wont fall in love


the choice of who we are willing to take a chance on falling in love with, if one has a preconceived preference that they dont find men shorter than six feet attractive, they are choosing to opt out of even the opportunity to fall in love with a whole group of people even though any one of those may have a dozen other qualities one MAY Be very attracted to,,,



there are definitely choices involved in 'love'

While I do agree that love and relationships require work to keep them going, I just don't agree about being able to force yourself to fall in and out of love when you want. If it works for you that's fine. It just doesn't work for everyone in that way.