Kliesto. I hear what you are saying. I am sorry this has been your experience. Forgive them, move on and let it be a lesson on how not to bring up your children. When your family are unaccepting, find good friends to be family :-)

I actually think about how my children are raised in this aspect. They have a lot of respect toward us (the parents) and because of that I know they look up to us and what we believe. In this regard, I try NOT to push my beliefs and values too much because i DO want them to become their own person.

There is a fine line between teaching them good values and teaching YOUR values.

I guess Im not understanding how to seperate good values from our own values,, Im hoping my values ARE good values or I wouldnt choose them,,,,,

children are gonna become what they absorb from their environment, either from parents, peers, or media,, but they never just develop in a vacuum,,,,Id rather my children absorb values from ME,,,,


although there is a way to teach without being 'pushy' about it,,,

It does come from SOMEWHERE, such as parents yes, but just because they teach you a certain idea doesn't make it automatically the right one, and it doesn't make you right either. People can and are deceived frequently whether they know it or not.

Here's how I see it, good values= be a good person, don't judge, don't harm other people, etc etc, these are basic values everyone should be taught.

One's OWN personal values or beliefs tend to go beyond that, such as going to church every Sunday, or studying the Bible regularly, etc etc etc, that's where the line should be drawn. Teach them to be good people, don't teach them dogma just cause that's your personal belief. Let them decide those things on their own. You'll likely get a lot more respect for them for it as has been said.

Oh believe me, if I ever have kids, I am gonna raise them COMPLETELY different from how I have been. I couldn't subject them to the crap of my upbringing and won't.

I think those are 'good' values but they are also a short list of all the different values and judgments we must use to have a healthy and productive life,,,

dont harm, for instance, goes beyond mere physical harm and could be very subjective as a standard based upon what one thinks is harmful

ID say traits like courtesy, honesty, responsibility, integrity are all things that fall outside of the 'basics' and are taught differently by each individual,,,,,and there is nothing wrong with it

I am grateful for the manners I was taught, even though they dont fall necessarily into the 'basics' because not everyone feels manners are important

I am also grateful for being taught to respect my elders,,,,etc,,etc,,,


these are things I also instill in my children, I dont feel I am pushy because they see my example in how I carry myself and treat others and they CHOOSE to emulate me (as most young children will when their parents are still their whole world , and some continue to do as they grow into their own experiences)

I dont feel it is 'pushy' to expect to be accompanied to church once a week either, its a small thing to ask really and its better than having them sit idly and do nothing but 'hang out' with their technology,,,

I think the bottom line is still always going to be 'balance', if there is a balance of communication and trust, these things wont feel like 'pushiness' I was raised to have a grateful attitude and to appreciate what my parents did (Whether I had asked to be born or not) and so there was not much they could ask that I would feel 'pushed' into

there are extremes, when one parents interest replaces any OPPORTUNITY for a child to develop their own,, but thats a matter of imbalance and inferior COMMUNICATION between child and adult,,,

What is it you don't understand about your beliefs being YOURS? Forcing them to be subjected to what YOU believe in such a way IS pushy. If they choose to go to church on their own fine, but it is not your place to make the choice for them. Sorry it's just not.

actually, when they are children , my responsibility, it IS my place to make those choices

I am responsible for the influences around them, so if I have a party with beer it is my responsibility to make sure my kids are someplace else

why is it not also my place to decide, if Im going to church and they will be at home unsupervised, or not with supervision that I think is as healthy and safe for them as my own,

that they need to be with their parents?

I feel that parents have zero potential for forceing a child to believe anything. If with firm, fair, and meaningful explanations, disciplene, and approriate punishments for the normal failings all humans make learning life skills families can work together and thrive.

There were times where comprehension is limited and it is a real advantage if a loving parent can fall back on trust from their child to accept "Just because it is my way".

But parents that say My way or the Highway generally see their child going hotfooting it down that highway before they are prepared.

Even the best of explanations and trust can not prevent a child from climbing out on a limb occassionally so like it or not it is still the parents job to be the party poop, the snoop, or the tyranical tightass and violate their child's personal rights even hurt their feelings.

I am sure I told my kids a thousand times you will understand this better when you have kids of your own and Thank me and sure enough that is just what they are doing now. Tahnk Heavens I lived long enough to hear it. lol

experience really does bring it all together,,,,and clear up alot of the 'whys' we have before we experience for ourself,,,

This subject was something I struggled with.

My faith has gotten me through more hell on earth than many people even know exists.

While not every sunday did I make my children attend the deal was they had to learn enough to at least know what they did not believe about my faith before they accepted or rejected it. And yes that meant at times they attended with less than a willing spirit. As they neared age of maturity, over 18, they around 19 to 23 picked their own methods of worship.

Now as adults their beliefs are not exactly mine but they understand mine and more importantly theirs. And as adults their beliefs are meaningful to me and respected because they respected me.

Some of my children followed my faith, and I actually think the one that gave me the most greif about it is the most devout of the lot. While he rebelled at it early he now tells me it is one of his greatest comforts in life and praises me for making him stay put long enough for him to choose it.

I will also say that the child that eventally picked another belief system told me later that it helped him to understand my "mainstream religion", it's practices and tenants, and has been a good social skill and cultural knowledge for him regardless. Because he knows what my faith is he knows when it is being distorted and can call those who do it fairly and from knowldege not bigotry and stupidity and followers of false profits of my faith. As I can his.

If you are paying the bill, it's your phone. If you aren't paying the bill, I would be reluctant to go through it, because it might be illegal. As for computers, there is no expectation of privacy on a shared computer in your house.

I feel that this is close to the "should i read my child's journal/diary" question...

If your child has given reason for you to read it then by all means, but if they haven't and you do it anyways, that teaches your children to not trust the people they should trust.

My mom always lived by her own motto "why should my kids trust me if I don't at least try to trust them", mind you that doesn't mean she never snooped, but only if she was truly worried for my safety.

Respect is earned not just given, you want your child's respect, give them a reason to respect you. I respect my mom and will do anything in my ability to never earn her disrespect or disappointment.

There needs to be a healthy, trusting relationship if you wish to have a good relationship with your child, or you can snoop, and read everything you like, and your child will start hiding things elsewhere, or sending texts and deleting them right away so that you can't read them.

I take my child to church almost every Sunday. I've been doing that since my child was 4 years old so it's no surprise to my child. When my child becomes 18, then it's my child's choice to go or not.

My kid knows that I read the text messages. I don't read all of them but if the phone goes off near me, I check it.

I explained it this way to my child - in the past, kids received calls on the telephone and the parent knew who the child talked to on the telephone. It's different with texting. We don't know who is texting our children and I want to know who my child is talking to. I trust my child and my child knows that but I feel that as a parent, it's my responsibility to know who is in my child's life and who is contacting them. I told that to my child too.

Of course a parent has the right, but they should at least inform the kid before invading their privacy, or else they will grow to never trust their parents and be more secretive and careful about hiding things. My mom never invaded my privacy, so I never felt like I had to hide anything from her. She only invaded my privacy once though, which was checking my internet history. She was so surprised that my history was completely clean and innocent, so she trusts me and doesn't feel like she has to invade my privacy. It should be that way with your kid as well.

so long as they still under your roof, there is no privacy.. I wont even put locks on my kids doors..

old school,,,,I feel ya,,,


nudity and bodily functions need to be 'private'

other than that,,,what is it a child needs 'privacy' for?

ask them o! i just wonder..