Hope u know "Different Strokes?" What did one Chinchilla say to the other Chinchilla? "Whatcha talkin' bout Chillis???" My attempt on my birthday@7AM! GOING back to bed... xoxo

I tend to forget jokes, especially the very funny ones

However, here is a link to Russel Howard's Good News on youtube, Enjoy..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3GljqtZB4E

Theres a farmer, and he decides after many years of drought, and bad crops, he wants to become a pig farmer, instead.

He goes, and gets himself, some nice lookin pigs, and hes really excited, except theres only one problem. His female pigs, are not getting pregnant, and reproducing.

So he calls the vet, to come, and examine his pigs.

After an examination, of all the pigs, the vet tells the farmer, "the problem is, that your male pigs, are not fertile, you will need to have your female pigs, "artificially inseminated". You will know, when the female pigs are pregnant, because they will lay down, 99% of the time, each day. And the vet leaves.

Well, the farmer doesnt know what "artificially inseminated" means, and was too embarrassed to ask, so he assumes it means, that he has to "do", all the female pigs.

So, he loads all the female pigs into his truck, and goes far out into the woods,(so his wife wont see him) and he "does" all the female pigs. When he gets home, he is very tired, and goes to bed.

The next morning, he looks out his window, and ALL of his pigs are standing up. He thinks, "doggone it, it didnt take, I gotta "do" them all again!".

So he loads up all the female pigs AGAIN, into the back of his truck, and takes them far out into the woods, and "does" them, again.

Now this time, when he gets home, he is exhausted. The next morning, his wife yells to him, "are you gonna sleep all day, or what?".

He barely manages, to raise his head from the pillow, he is so tired, and he says to his wife, "honey, please look outside, and tell me that some of them pigs, are laying down".

She looks and replies, "No, they arent. They are all standing up, in the back of the truck! And one of them, is blowing the horn!".

A girl walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a Coors. He gives her one, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, until she is completely drunk. Then she takes all the men from the bar home with her.

The very next night, the same girl walks into the bar. She asks the bartender for a Coors. He gives her one, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, until she is completely drunk. THen she takes all the men from the bar home with her.

The very next night, the same girl walks into the bar. The bartender looks at her and smiles and says, "I bet you want a Coors, dont you?".

She replies, "no let me try a Budweiser. Coors makes my cooter sore".

A woman says to her husband, "im tired of being flat chested, I want breast implants. He looks at her sideways and says, "what do you think, im made of money? They are wayyyy too expensive, sorry". She tells him, "I dont care, I want them!!!".

So he tells her, "I tell you what you do babe. You go into the bathroom, and you take toilet paper, and rub it on both of your breasts".

She says, "WHAT THE??? Ohhhhhhhhh, you mean take it, and stuff my bra with it, right?".

He says, "NO, wipe it across, both of your breasts".

She gives him a dirty look, and replies, "AND WHAT THE HAYYYYYYYYYALL IS THAT SUPPOSE TO DO?!?!?".

He replies, "Well look, you've been wiping it across your booty for years, and look at how big, that thing has gotton!".

This is an original..hehe.

What kind of car leaves skid marks in your underware?
























































































A Nascar.

hahahahaha oh that was all bad but to the point where its funny lol

hahahahahaha! i LOVE this!!

Two men are golfing and they are getting frustrated because the two women playing on the hole in front of them are taking way too long.

Finally, one of the men says, “I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to go up there and ask them if we could play through.”

The man walks toward the ladies, but halfway there, he stops, looks and turns around and walks back to his friend.

“I can’t go up there,” he says, “That’s my wife and my mistress playing together.”

The second man says, “Ok, I’ll go.”


The man walks toward the women, but turns around halfway there, walks back to his friend and says, “Um..small world, isn’t it?”

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are seated side-by-side at a bar. Each has a mug of beer in front of him.

Simultaneously, three flies land in the beers, one in each mug.

The Englishman looks at his beer, pushes it away and asks the bartender for a new one.

The Scotsman reaches his fingers into the beer, picks up the fly, throws it to the floor and drinks his beer.

The Irishman reaches into the beer, picks up the fly, holds it over the glass and yells, “Spit it out, you bastard! Spit it out!”

^^^^^

hahahahahaha!!!!