I have a secret I've been keeping for years now. I have a friend I have known for a long time. His current GF he has been with off and on for 3-4 years now.

I am the only one that knows this and he doesn't know I know this, but he is gay. I found out through an ex gf that thought I should know, after one of her gay friends hooked up with him. I found out about a year before he broke up with his last GF. There are a lot of details that would be helpful but that I cannot get into.

Here is the problem. He is hooking up with guys on the side, and that isn't cool. I've been keeping this secret for so long and I feel like his GF should know. She will be angry, but I also worry about him being outted. If the truth comes out it will be hard for both of them to take.

I want to do the right thing but I don't know what that is in this situation. I've thought about talking to him, talking to her, talking to her best friend, and it doesn't work out well. It is a fragile situation and is going to be life changing for those involved.

What's the right thing to do?

I think u would get caught in the crossfire if u speak up. It is him that needs to come to that place where he can tell her. My brother is gay, got married and i said nothing, because he was confused. Time sorted it out for everyone.

But i would tell him i know in a non judgemental way. Then out of concern for them both, i would tell him to use protection, so she doesnt catch std's or something worse. Hope this helps.

If I were in your situation I would try to talk to him first. Let him know that you feel caught in the middle of it and feel its unfair to his GF . I would also let him know that if you are questioned by his girlfriend that you will not lie for him. . . .good luck.

it would be interesting to know why you are sure he is 'gay',, as opposed to bisexual or experimental

Id say, stay out of it,, its his business and its his place to share that with his partners and their place to ask,,,,,,

I know people will also advise that she should know, but sometimes people hide what they know and sharing with them that you know only embarasses them and causes them to react out of pressure and embarassment where they may have taken more time to think things through otherwise,,,

how do you know he's not bi?
live your own life.
shoo along now.

*snickers*^^^^^^^sexy azz lips ((((((soufie))))))
I would even kiss them...lol...



As far as the other....How do you know the girlfriend does not know?and maybe she would not be mad.Maybe she would join him.Just maybe, she loves him that much........**** happens. JMO..I would be mad if he was doing it without me. and if I were in that situation,I would keep his private life.PRIVATE.

I do not believe it is your place to make those kind of decisions in others lives.
Let them handle their own lives.

private stuff

Could be trouble if you are pulled or jump into the middle. If they ask that's one thing, but if there is not a green light that means approach with caution or stop.

quite a dilemma i would say and have found myself in similar situations ..it is true tho if you say something you will indeed wind up in the middle of drama central

..and depending on how much you enjoy soap operas you will find yourself a member of the cast no doubt not to be confused with the band no doubt, here's what i would do...NOTHING

.sit back grab a smoke and maybe a glass of wine,beer will do or mixed drink and wait,all quiet and comfortable in your favorite chair and ..wait the drama will unfold eventually..just do your best impression of looking surprised when you are confronted with the news..


..you could do this by practicing nightly in front of the mirror,perhaps by using simple terms like "really".. or "are you serious"..or "your kidding me"..try not to overembellish...

This is a damned if you do, damned if you don't sitch...Stay well out of it and be a shoulder when (and if) needed.

Not your business, stay out of it.

This is the hardest to decide, to know if we are to intervene or not. It's not only a simple matter of infidelity. It's a matter on one hand of life and death, and on the other hand, a big shock.

Are we in a position to give the shock before the shockee learns in the natural course of events? No, I believe that shocking news and truths must be served up by those who give the shock.

Are we obliged to save a human life (from HIV, for instance.) This is a clear yes.

What are we to do when the 'no' is strong, and the 'yes' is strong?

On top of this, we risk being personally blamed for handing out unhappiness, and for beign a nosy meddle-mouth busy-bee. We ourselves can be ostricized.

Not an easy question.

Talk to her parish priest or minishter. Make sure he won't transmit the name of his source. He or she (the minister) is equipped to hand such news, he or she's been trained for breaking exactly this type of news. And he or she won't be blamed for meddling, you can count on that.

You kept it quiet for years already and he's a long time friend. Your not the only one who knows, You found out from an ex gf, and probably a few guys know as well....

Don't be selling the drama...you surely don't know all about it, as you have never discussed this with Your Friend.... Or soon to be ex friend.