Lex's thread got me thinking "is there a downside to being alone?". Ok, I'm 52 and finding out that I'm a lot younger than I thought I would be at 52. Life in many ways is starting over. Not in nursing home over, but in wisdom and appreciation. Maybe because my life has been full of adventure it has provided me with a bigger than life outlook. I see living in broad strokes and don't have time or desire for the petty things. What has changed, I ask myself. Am I finally learning who I am as an independent? To be honest my last 2 relationships didn't even make a dent in this new independent self I have become. True both of them were far younger than me and it could be argued that I should see someone my own age, but the reality of it is I am enjoying who I am and if they are not on my page and allow me to be on theirs I have no problem saying so long.

Living in Vegas you get asked out a lot. I would imagine it is 10 fold for the gals but us guys are asked out constantly as well. If a person wanted to they could arrange a revolving door of dates but my date desire meter is on zero. A woman would have to literally walk into my life and point out to me that we were "meant to be" is how I am feeling.

So, is there a downside to being alone? What am I missing? AND, who am I missing it with?

set yourself some targets pray over them and live by them. you just might be happy someday and that will take away half a century of lonely memoirs

Yes I feel that there is a downside. Sure its great to be able to make a decision without having to consult another person. Sure its great to have the remote to yourself and watch what you want. Sure its great on nights you do not want to cook and just have a sandwich for dinner. But on the other hand, as Lex pointed out, that there are moments when you want to share your accomplishments with another person that is there just for you. Moments when you have had a bad day and just need to come home and get a hug from that person that is there for you.

The hardest part is finding that person that is on the same page as you are, has the same goals and is ready and mature to give to you as you give to them. I look at it like this, when you are young and in love, you hope to grow together in your goals and life. But now that we are not so young and inexperienced, have already learned the hard way of what we want in our life and will not expect anything less. That makes it tough for the next person to step in to our already established life. Makes it tough for us to step in to their life.

We as a humans, I feel, are not meant to be isolated and alone traveling through this life we live. Having someone there to travel life with makes the rough spots not so rough and the joys more joyous. I know from my receint experiences that when things go bad, like my car breaking down, that I did not handle it well at all. It really got to me emotionally. Stupid I know, but if Rick was still alive, he would have simply said, "Hon, its just a car, it can be fixed." And that simple sentence and a hug would have let me be ok. Its a balance thing, that you can not get when you are alone.

'To everything there is a season..'

I think it takes some wisdom to realize
we are self-contained.

For me, it has ultimately become an issue of which is the "lesser of two downsides."

Being alone is not the ideal situation for me. It would be nice to have someone to share my life with. But it's not an essential; all of the things I need to do in life, I can do perfectly fine on my own.

On the other hand, being with someone always starts out nicely but ends up horribly. So there's a downside to being with someone, a downside that dwarfs the downside of being alone -- it just takes awhile for it to kick in.

I find there's an advantage to the sheer steadiness of being alone (despite the occasional bouts of boredom and loneliness) -- as opposed to the wildly inconsistent vacillations and insanity of the roller coaster relationship process.

I'm not one of those people who has to be in a relationship to be happy. Because of that, I am very picky about who I choose to date. I don't date just for the sake of dating and I don't stay in a relationship just so I am not alone. I rarely ever feel alone. I have all kinds of friends around and if someone comes along that I'm interested in dating and getting to know better, I do so.

Some people ,though, have to be in a relationship or they feel like they're missing something. Those are also the people who tend to think that if you've not been married by a certain age, something is wrong with you.

Honor the cycles of your body, energy levels and emotions.

You'd be surprised! On this site alone several people have asked me why I haven't been married yet. Some have asked what's wrong with me, because someone in their 30s and not having been married yet is apparently a red flag.

I know people used to get married at younger ages, but these days, more and more are waiting. I have several friends around here who are in their 30s who have never been married.

You bring up some great points. I think sure there is a downside. Statistics show that married people live longer. You dont have that bond with a wife who knows you and who will be there for you through thick and thin.

I think everyone is different though. I've been single for a bit now and Its fun not to worry about stuff. i even throw my clothes on the floor sometimes. lol; there are downsides I think but it's not all bad.

There can be different thoughts about it at different times in your life. I'm finding now that I'm older and thinking a lot more about the end of my life, the idea of having no partner is sad. Yet I will have my daughter and no doubt granddaughter by then. Maybe my nephews will show up.

What's right for you now may not be what was right in the past or what will be right in the future. Getting to know yourself better is always a good thing, and sometimes it's best done alone. There's nothing intrinsically bad about being alone, even for long periods of time. It's what you make of it.

I do think there are people that have a strong desire to be in a relationship but don't have the skills to maintain one. I'm one of them, or at least I sure used to be. I agree with you about the pettiness. So many people on internet dating sites list their favorite singers or TV shows, as if that's going to make a difference.

There are one or two drawbacks, but I don't really see a "downside".
I have come to enjoy my independence.
I'm havin much fun with friends, but I do shy away from "third wheel" situations.
At some point in the future I am sure I will meet someone who will change my thinking, but for now I am a Happy camper!!

Having been in an unhappy marriage for many years, I got use to being independent. Now that my sons are off on their own, I have to time to just think about what I want. I enjoy my alone time and when I feel lonely I call a friend and get out of the house.

I have not dated a lot since my divorce. I do not feel the need to be in a relationship but I still hope that I meet the one I could spend the rest of my life with. The men I have dated I am still in contact with. Although it wasn't the right fit they are still great guys and I am happy to have them in my life.

So the problem for me is that I need the man who I enjoy spending time with and makes me excited just by walking in the room. But he also has to have his own life and like doing his own thing and understands that a relationship does not mean being together all the time.

The downside for being alone for me is when I get into a funk. Rehab changed me from being an antisocial to the point of almost being a social-path to being a groupie. I found that being alone is choice from being a hitch hiker. I really liked the words to that song of, "Life is a highway. I want to do it my way all night long." There is always that next meeting to go to. There is always that next person who becomes serious about recovery. It is a wonderful way of life for some. I really don't need another person to complete now. It wasn't always like that. I really thought there was something strange about being single until I learned to deal with it. Sometimes being alone is a treat. But it only lasts so long. Then it is time to get out of the funk. And then it is when I can become one with nature, again.

I often wonder if there is a philosophical allowance, a privilege or right for a heterosexual person to call himself or herself gay, when he or she has reached the life stage at which point his or her self-love -- be it from jadedness, or from lack of success, from too much success, whatever, at love -- overshadows and squeezes out the possibility of any other kind of love to enter his life, which otherwise he or she may have had the chance to feel and experience in earlier parts of his or her life.

A person of extreme self-love is, by definition, a gay person (or lesbian.) This applies to all, except to, rather strangely, transsexual persons.

So true.
If one can't find happiness alone, they're more prone to be dependent upon the other and also bring more problems into a relationship. You're more adept to loving another when you've come to love yourself.

I don't mean to get preachy, but I'm reminded of two Buddha quotes:
- "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
- "Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without."

Oh, that does remind me of another point then... if you can't love or be happy with yourself, why would anyone else ought to?

{{{Dada}}}

I hear you and I know what you are talking about.
There is nothing wrong about being single, in fact I am about to decide of becoming alone in my entire life since all the relationships that I had were not in favor with me. You know me and my preferences, and you were always like you always chase young guys - yes young, poor guys! Now I am out of it!

Cheer up Dada, you have your baby girl, always!

One of the wonderful downsides I just have recently found or upsides depending on your point of view is that I just have too many issues and am just to screwed up to worry about a serious relationship right now. One woman just asked me to be her sponsor even though she has a female sponsor. I thought what the hell as I am like immune to getting into a relationship with a real woman right now.