"The one who cares least controls the relationship."

Gender unbiased question. Yay or nay?

Yea, 'tis true.

I've seen it stated as "the default status for most relationships is towards the partner with the fewest needs", most often when referring to sexless, or under sexed, marriages. The partner with the lowest sex drive usually "controls" the relationship by controlling how often the couple has sex. This also applies to many other situations; the person with the most to lose, so to speak, has the weakest bargaining position and often defers to their partner to reduce the risk of losing what they consider highly valuable.

I think caring, or emotional investment, works the same way. The person with the least emotional investment has a lower risk to reward ratio, so they are typically willing to take higher risks, whereas the person with the greater emotional investment may choose to act conservatively to minimize their risk. In personal interactions, the conservative approach can appear to be meek, whereas the riskier attitude can appear to control the direction the relationship takes.

There are always exceptions, of course; there are people who damn the torpedos, full speed ahead, regardless of what they have to lose, and those who defer to the more invested partner out of a sense of compassion.

Actually, my 2nd marriage was quite the opposite; if it was something she really felt strongly about, we went in her direction, and if it was something I really felt strongly about, we went in my direction...most of the time. I guess that is the compromise that successful relationships are built on.

I think, though, if the idea of "control" has entered into the relationship, it is doomed. As an observation, though, I think people can look back and see where the model applied, the lesser invested person typically steering the relationship, if only because the relationship appeared fragile enough to the other partner they felt they had to defer to their partner to avoid shattering it.

Good food for thought...I can't seem to shut up about it.

I felt like I needed an example, to clarify a bit:

Mary and John are equally interested in purchasing a new home, but each has different wants; Mary wants a large backyard, while John feels strongly about having a Master Bath. John may defer to Mary on yard size, and she may defer to John on the master bath; while Mary is the larger investor on the backyard and John cares the least, they share the mutual goal of wanting a new home, so compromise works to the benefit of both partners.

Now, in the second scenario, Mary is very interested in purchasing a new home, where John is not interested at all. Mary will need to purchase "buy in" from John, so she may suggest a new home with a small backyard, but a very nice master bath. In this scenario, Mary is the larger investor yet John's lack of investment is actually what is controlling the transaction.

Yay.

YaY............

My grandmother always said...
only marry a man that you know loves you more than you love him...

Two 14 yr olds on the phone:

Him: I love you ...
Her: I love you more.....
Him: No, I love you more..
Her: well, I love you most.......

I'm guessin she didn't listen to....
Grandma!!!!!

It could very well be true.
The best result=equal love/caring.

Yah

This is akin to Leary's premise that in any relationship the sicker person is in control

So OK...by this definition Princess Leia and Han Solo were BOTH acting like they didn't want each others life sabers? This makes perfect sense. Though, sometimes the roles were switched...One pulled in and the other pushed away.... Han Solo was bad azz btw, now THATS a man right there. And when Leia was free she came back for him when he was frozen in that carbonite substance...tell me that's not love???

Oh please...Leia was such a hussy, and talk about your Daddy issues! Let's not even mention that Leia played Han against her OWN BROTHER! She gets all the credit for trying to rescue Han from carbonite, when it was all of Han's friends, Chewbacca, Luke, R2-D2, C3PO and even Lando who put their lives on the line to free Han. So what, Leia has to wear a metal bikini and play eye candy for Jabba! She somehow suffers more? What about the droids, that were given to Jabba like so much property? No one ever considers their commitment to Han's freedom.

No, Han is indeed THE MAN, but the only reason he falls for Leia? Hello! How many other women did you see in that galaxy far, far away?

Thats Tv fantacy Love.
If I was frozen in a Carbonite Substance......would you bring you're Life Sabre and...........Thaw me out?????

Lighsaber

Chewbacca!!

control is something you give away

Janet Jackson showed her boobs on national tv and she really cared less and has an album named Control.I have no idea what this has to do with anything but i posted it anyways.

How DARE you say Leia was just a hot piece of azz....

I think Lando was his only real friend, the rest were just the scoobie gang making things worse. Far as I'm concerned Leia was EVERYthing to Han, I defend that chic to the hilt to this day.If it weren't for Leia's strong affection, Han woulda never made it. ONE could argue she had a hand in promoting him Captain. Touche.

Dude...she whipped him, I admire that in a woman.