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| Topic: I really don’t know why this happens...Is this normal? | |
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Normally if i am talking to someone and become close, I will give them my facebook and number and move it away from the dating site. I prefer to talk on the phone and open my facebook to them, as it allows them and better view of who I am. Normally when I get or give a number we contact each other immediately. Like if you gave me you're number I would have called as soon as I received it(unless you told me not to). as for being online and not replying or replying with short messages. I am online a lot but I am not always near my computer. and sometimes I can only make short replies. On computer it is easy to get pulled in to other things, and even talking with other people. Honestly I would not stop talking to other girls until I knew for sure we were gonna be something. If he has been hurt he may be scared or he may be playing you never know. have you sent him that email and has he replied yet? Which was why I am giving him the benefit of doubt...the only thing I am unsure about is why he didn't give me his number...I emailed him last night and I'm waiting for a response. Thanks |
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If I was either one of you I'd be running like Forrest Gump from both of you. Sounds like neither of you knows what they want. I was thinking a french fry short of a happy meal.... 
Yeah..thanks..but next time..as the great Dionne sang.."walk on by..." |
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In need of some advice. I think I'm over thinking this... About a month or so ago, I was chatting to this guy on another website and although we sort of hit it off and agreed to continue chatting with a view to meet but we didn't firm up a set a date.. however, whenever I logged on, he was always online. I am going to be completely honest and admit that part of me was ‘checking’ on him and the other part of was doing exactly what he was doing i.e. chatting to other people...can anyone say double standard  we hadn’t actually met or set a date to meet so no harm, no foul...
The strange thing is that whenever I emailed or IM’d him when he was online him, he either sent back a one liner or didn’t respond at all...so me being me, I just left him alone and didn’t visit that website as often...and yes, I was trying to avoid him. On Monday, while online, he sent me a msg accusing me of ignoring him and wanting him to chase me. I reassured him and we chatted for a bit and agreed to meet again in a couple of weeks - I want time to get to know him - and I gave him my number...he didn’t give me his. It’s now Sunday. He hasn’t called...I’m not avoiding him this time. I’m also a bit rusty at this and I think he’s playing...what do you think? Before I get all the he's playing...let me be a bit more honest and say that I'm the one delaying meeting him. He did want to call me the day I gave him my number but I put him off...so he probably thinks I'm not serious about meeting him... From what you've said here, it does seem as though you're not serious about meeting. WHy would you give him your number, but not let him call that day? If someone did that to me, and put off meeting me, I'd think they weren't serious either. I don't disagree but his asking for a date (that first time) came at the wrong time and I needed some thinking space as I didn't want to waste his or my time. |
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Sounds like a lot of drama to me. You are just occassionally chatting and he is acuseing you of what? Sounds like this guy is not playing with a full deck. Maybe..it's too early to tell. |
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If I was either one of you I'd be running like Forrest Gump from both of you. Sounds like neither of you knows what they want. I was thinking a french fry short of a happy meal....
they are reading the same book but on different a page 
That sounds about right
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In need of some advice. I think I'm over thinking this... About a month or so ago, I was chatting to this guy on another website and although we sort of hit it off and agreed to continue chatting with a view to meet but we didn't firm up a set a date.. however, whenever I logged on, he was always online. I am going to be completely honest and admit that part of me was ‘checking’ on him and the other part of was doing exactly what he was doing i.e. chatting to other people...can anyone say double standard we hadn’t actually met or set a date to meet so no harm, no foul...
The strange thing is that whenever I emailed or IM’d him when he was online him, he either sent back a one liner or didn’t respond at all...so me being me, I just left him alone and didn’t visit that website as often...and yes, I was trying to avoid him. On Monday, while online, he sent me a msg accusing me of ignoring him and wanting him to chase me. I reassured him and we chatted for a bit and agreed to meet again in a couple of weeks - I want time to get to know him - and I gave him my number...he didn’t give me his. It’s now Sunday. He hasn’t called...I’m not avoiding him this time. I’m also a bit rusty at this and I think he’s playing...what do you think? Before I get all the he's playing...let me be a bit more honest and say that I'm the one delaying meeting him. He did want to call me the day I gave him my number but I put him off...so he probably thinks I'm not serious about meeting him... From what you've said here, it does seem as though you're not serious about meeting. WHy would you give him your number, but not let him call that day? If someone did that to me, and put off meeting me, I'd think they weren't serious either. I don't disagree but his asking for a date (that first time) came at the wrong time and I needed some thinking space as I didn't want to waste his or my time. But what you're doing now is doing both. Neither of you seems serious about meeting. You can't expect him to seem that way if you're not willing to do the same. |
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But what you're doing now is doing both. Neither of you seems serious about meeting. You can't expect him to seem that way if you're not willing to do the same. How can I be "serious" about meeting someone that I've only had a few online conversations with? I only delayed meeting him. I was hoping that we could have used the time inbetween to get to know each other..but that didn't/hasn't happened. You could be right. He may not be serious and leaving me dangling while he's weighing up his options...Who knows... |
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But what you're doing now is doing both. Neither of you seems serious about meeting. You can't expect him to seem that way if you're not willing to do the same. How can I be "serious" about meeting someone that I've only had a few online conversations with? I only delayed meeting him. I was hoping that we could have used the time inbetween to get to know each other..but that didn't/hasn't happened. You could be right. He may not be serious and leaving me dangling while he's weighing up his options...Who knows... What I'm saying is that you seem to be doing the same thing you're complaining about him doing. You say you gave him your number, but then told him not to call. Perhaps he's waiting for you to tell him to call, rather than guessing if it's the right time to call you? If you've delayed meeting him, he may think you're not really wanting to meet at all. Who knows. |
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I don't disagree but his asking for a date (that first time) came at the wrong time and I needed some thinking space as I didn't want to waste his or my time. Ah, I see. He asked you on a date and you shut him down. Not too many guys who will try again. His ego is hurt. Or he's married. 
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In 4 years there have only been 2 men from this site who I was seriously interested in meeting who also wanted to meet me
If either of them had lived close enough I'd have met either one of them within 24 hrs of the subject coming up in our talks - I'd still meet one of them if it can be arranged and we both still want to at that point I don't completely understand the degree of hesitation from either of you tho unless u r both talking to multiple people and not that serious (being that you are local???) What r u afraid of - u go - you either like him or not - he either likes u or not |
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I think people worry too much about meeting. If they're local, go meet them as soon as possible to see how you get along in person. If you hit it off well, then continue to get to know them in person. If you don't, at least you know that as soon as possible and can move onto the next person.
The same goes for putting off phone calls. If you give out your number, but tell the person not to call, chances are.. they won't call until you specifically tell them to. They're going to be wary of calling you at the wrong time if you had an issue with it to begin with. |
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But what you're doing now is doing both. Neither of you seems serious about meeting. You can't expect him to seem that way if you're not willing to do the same. How can I be "serious" about meeting someone that I've only had a few online conversations with? I only delayed meeting him. I was hoping that we could have used the time inbetween to get to know each other..but that didn't/hasn't happened. You could be right. He may not be serious and leaving me dangling while he's weighing up his options...Who knows... What I'm saying is that you seem to be doing the same thing you're complaining about him doing. You say you gave him your number, but then told him not to call. Perhaps he's waiting for you to tell him to call, rather than guessing if it's the right time to call you? If you've delayed meeting him, he may think you're not really wanting to meet at all. Who knows. Yes, I gave him my number and asked him not to call that morning - it was like 7am or something. I was online while waiting for my coffee to sink into my pours. I wouldn't have wanted to speak to anyone at that time in the morning...I don't even speak to my kids BC (before coffee)  .
I don't think I was complaining..I haven't dated for a while and was just wanted to know whether this type of thing was the norm. |
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I don't disagree but his asking for a date (that first time) came at the wrong time and I needed some thinking space as I didn't want to waste his or my time. Ah, I see. He asked you on a date and you shut him down. Not too many guys who will try again. His ego is hurt. Or he's married.
I didn't "shut him down" unless you think that asking to wait a couple of weeks to get to know each other is "shutting him down" idk. All I know is that in the past, when I was dating more frequently, I met the guy within a week of speaking to him and as a result, had either nothing in common or a really uncomfortable evening(s). I don't have a problem rambling and filling dead spaceand can normally find something to talk about but even I get bored of the sound of my voice after a while . I just want to get to know someone a bit more before I meet them.
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In 4 years there have only been 2 men from this site who I was seriously interested in meeting who also wanted to meet me If either of them had lived close enough I'd have met either one of them within 24 hrs of the subject coming up in our talks - I'd still meet one of them if it can be arranged and we both still want to at that point I don't completely understand the degree of hesitation from either of you tho unless u r both talking to multiple people and not that serious (being that you are local???) What r u afraid of - u go - you either like him or not - he either likes u or not Ok..coming clean...A few weeks prior to 'chatting' to him online, I had stopped talking to a fellow Mingler and I wanted to make sure that I wasn't rebounding. |
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You're going to do what you feel like doing, no matter what any of us says. Just keep in mind that you may be giving him signs that say you're not that into him, which he may be reciprocating.
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Edited by
42BlackBBW
on
Mon 02/13/12 09:26 AM
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You're going to do what you feel like doing, no matter what any of us says. Just keep in mind that you may be giving him signs that say you're not that into him, which he may be reciprocating. Most people do Sing, but I really do appreciate all the comments posted on this thread. I'll be the first person to admit that I'm winging it and not really sure what I'm doing. I know that I've messed him about a bit but I don't think it was unreasonable to ask that to wait before meeting him. I don't know him and didn't feel comfortable meeting a stranger regardless of the fact that I would be meeting him in a public place. I also didn't want to pretend to be bright eyed and bushy tailed before my coffee's sunk in because I'm not. I can be all singing and dancing and ready to face the world after coffee but not before or during
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No need to defend your choices. You're free to do as you'd like. You asked for opinions, though, and you got them.
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You more than most bring out that out in me
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I appreciate all (baring two) of the opinions that have been expressed on here. Thanks. |
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I don't disagree but his asking for a date (that first time) came at the wrong time and I needed some thinking space as I didn't want to waste his or my time. Ah, I see. He asked you on a date and you shut him down. Not too many guys who will try again. His ego is hurt. Or he's married.
I didn't "shut him down" unless you think that asking to wait a couple of weeks to get to know each other is "shutting him down" idk. All I know is that in the past, when I was dating more frequently, I met the guy within a week of speaking to him and as a result, had either nothing in common or a really uncomfortable evening(s). I don't have a problem rambling and filling dead spaceand can normally find something to talk about but even I get bored of the sound of my voice after a while . I just want to get to know someone a bit more before I meet them.
I'm sorry. You misunderstood me. I wasn't implying that you had done anything wrong. I just meant that was how he would have seen it. I'm sorry. 
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But what you're doing now is doing both. Neither of you seems serious about meeting. You can't expect him to seem that way if you're not willing to do the same. How can I be "serious" about meeting someone that I've only had a few online conversations with? I only delayed meeting him. I was hoping that we could have used the time inbetween to get to know each other..but that didn't/hasn't happened. You could be right. He may not be serious and leaving me dangling while he's weighing up his options...Who knows... What I'm saying is that you seem to be doing the same thing you're complaining about him doing. You say you gave him your number, but then told him not to call. Perhaps he's waiting for you to tell him to call, rather than guessing if it's the right time to call you? If you've delayed meeting him, he may think you're not really wanting to meet at all. Who knows. Which is pretty much what I, in my very advanced age, was saying, for which I was so strongly rebuked. |
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