Another thread with to much proctology analyzing.I'm joking btw.

How do you know they don't like those qualities anymore?

Unfortunately, not everyone will talk everyone who contacts them. It happens to us all.

Because you are physically told this. Otherwise one has to guess I suppose, but it always strikes me as odd when someone says "Hi... I like X" and you let them know you like X to, and they totally blow it off. The whole purpose of these profiles is supposed to be to attract people of similar interests. Nothing says you have to hook up with them, go out with them or what not... but why outright ignore what you yourself say you want?

My question remains. If you say you want something, and you are confronted by it, why not at least investigate it?

Blowing it off is different than saying they're not interested in that particular thing. Are you saying that you're going to be interested in every woman who may have qualities you like? I highly doubt it.

I never said anything (or at least meant) about being interested in all of them. I said exploring that person (or topic if you will) to see if you take an interest in them, which can be done in all of a couple minutes in some cases depending on what they write. Obviously I won't be interested in all of them, probably not the majority of them... but I certainly would not ask for people to write me about this topic, and when they do so, shun them. For me personally, that is on par with inviting someone into my home, and slamming the door when they get on the doorstep.

This is very interesting to me because I've had some of the same experiences but have never heard anyone discuss it as to what exactly is going on. A couple of things occur to me. First, the vast majority of people really aren't very creative. And they're on a dating site because they want someone to like them. So I think those two things combine to make the profiles so generic. Then, lots of people don't know themselves very well and don't know how they appear to others. So what one person considers easy-going, another person might see as lazy or avoiding conflict. And I think we all agree that the worst thing you can do is put a lot of negatives in a profile.


When you start writing to someone, you start to evaluate them by the way they write. Not just the spelling, but the words they use, even their sentence length. Whether they seem too formal or too intimate. So you may be talking about the same music you're both interested in, but you're not comfortable with their opinions or the way they express them, or one of you is a lot more interested than the other . . . there are just so many gradations. I think what it boils down to is, people don't actually KNOW what attracts them to other people. I think it's really the little things. Then after you get that feeling of attraction, you go back and try to justify it by bigger, more important things.

My theory is they say "I like X," NOT because they actually do like X, but because by pretending to like X they believe that more people are likely to find them attractive or interesting.

When someone contacts them saying, "I like X too," that part doesn't make any difference (since it really doesn't apply to the situation in the first place) and they will then make an evaluation on some other, unknown and unspecified, criteria.

My best guess is that the other criteria will be strictly physical attraction -- but they don't want to put that in their profiles, because they believe it makes them appear superficial and shallow. And they're more concerned with a bunch of total strangers thinking they're decent people, than they are with being honest about what they REALLY want from a potential partner.

And this is really a very common thing among the mainstream, adjunct-mentality types. Image is everything. Looking shallow and superficial is to be avoided at all costs! Even when it's the reality.

And THAT'S why I think it's so damn difficult to find anyone legitimate on dating sites....

But it's just a theory....

I think we've all had cases where we've emailed someone and they haven't replied. It's going to happen sometimes, no matter what the email was about, unfortunately.

Lex...it's just that you are kinda cute when you argue your point!

I never thought of that....but it would explain a lot!

So lets put sex buddy and best freind so we get them in the right order.

Yes. I have read a small collection of profiles that just up and came out and said EXACTLY what they are looking for . . . so far none of them are looking for me. lol

I think you are on to some of what causes this issue here.

Yeah, I've done that.

What happens is, people who don't fit into those specified parameters get upset and take it personally. They can't distinguish between "I'm not attracted to Type A" and "I think Type A people are horrible monsters who should all be tossed into an active volcano."

I generally get one of two results. Either they send me some garbled, illiterate bilge I can't really decipher, or they try to persuade me to abandon my standards and be a "normal" guy.

So maybe being completely up front about what I want was not such a good idea after all.

Because of this thread I updated my profile to state exactly what I am looking for. No deception involved.

Absolutely! The bilge is always an immediate disqualification.

There is an entirely different issue with the 3-month timeline, though. This is always the exact moment when the non-bilgers suddenly realize they can't live without some indeterminate number of kids.

I just read a profile that said"if you want to know more about me look at my profile on Plenty of Fish."
Now that was strange, I was actually surprised they allowed that on here.
At least I am assuming he meant Plenty of Fish ,he really wrote Plunty of Fish

I really think they have their own spelling rules over there....!!

::
That's true. Needless to say I did not join that site just to check out his profile.

One of my exes used to suffer from really horrendous migraine headaches. I never knew what a truly awful headache was like until I started trying to decipher POF profiles....

You should read mine. It will be sure to leave you bed ridden for a week.