Mine didn't even say I wanted to date. However the right guy was willing to settle for friendship. When we met in person, we both knew that this was not going to be "just friends"

If you'll notice, all of the standard cliches people use in their profiles are VERY mainstream. Lots of them could easily be traced back to the Eisenhower Administration, if we had time to do that sort of thing.

Mainstream is in, mainstream is it, mainstream is what people want.

The disheartening thing is, I've checked out some of the self-proclaimed "alternative" sites, and they're just as mainstream as the mainstream sites. They just slather a "goth/emo/metal" banner over it, as if focusing on something as narrow as musical preferences automatically makes one so radically different from the rest....



True. I can't tell you how many e-mails I've had which start out with "I read your profile and I loved it! Where are you and what do you do?"

Well at least they do not ask you: "How big are your boobs?"

And why are you checking out goth/emo/metal sites? Are there no sarcastically humorous, artists that love pepsi sites out there?

I don't think I am unique or different I just find it hard to settle for something mundane and yes, mainstream.

When I wrote one of those mainstream profiles; men did contact me but when we met; they realized there was a lot more to me like how independent I was, so they never contacted me again. It was a complete waste of my time to have even met these guys. I decided that I would just put down who I was but no one contacted me. It was at that point; I just decided to give up on the dating. I am not going to lie about the person I am and if guys can't accept it; then I really could care less. I am not being some cookie cutter girlfriend to a guy.

What you see is what you get with me.

I'm like that song "B!tch" I'm everything and other things all into one. I try to portray that on the forums but I guess there's only so much you can say on a dating site without blowing the mystery. Personally I really despise cryptic profiles. I tend to like reading more original stuff then the same old shiz. I guess some people are REALLY trying to protect themselves on here. Its getting irritating.

So you've talked to all these women and found out for sure that what they say they're looking for is not really what they're looking for?

The original impetus was the (sadly mistaken) belief that those sites might be more conducive to finding the kind of person I'd like to meet.



Not that I've been able to find....!!

I've tried some really specialized sites -- childfree sites, non-drinker sites, Asperger's sites -- and the membership on those is just so very very low that there's almost no chance of finding anyone within a reasonable distance....

I've talked to enough of them, and seen how they react to running into someone who supposedly meets their criteria, to satisfy myself that this is a fairly common circumstance, yes. Your mileage may vary.

Specialized sites and new start up sites are famous for low memberships. Sorry.

That's why I never even considered writing a mainstream profile....!

As it is, I get plenty of e-mail from women who want to convince me that mainstreaming is the way to go....but when someone deliberately and willfully ignores everything you've written, just so they can try to convince you that you should be more like THEM....well, that's a turn-off.

Most people are just stuck on the Mom & Dad thing, and they can't function with someone who isn't using the same script.

It's true, I even wrote a story about that.

There is/was a fundamental thinking error of which I was guilty back around 1998, or whenever it was I started dabbling with dating sites. The idea was, "By joining this site, I will now have instantaneous access to millions of people I never would have had an opportunity to know otherwise."

True, with a BUT. The BUT being that the vast majority of those people are much too far away to meet in person. I hadn't initially factored that in.

The other thing was that I had no idea how regimented and one-dimensional people on dating sites would turn out to be. (Not this site, of course!)

But it has become obvious that the biological imperative outweighs anything and everything else for most people. Those of us who have no use for the adjunct mentality have little hope of finding a compatible partner under those conditions.

And this is why eHarmony told me I was "unmatchable" -- I'm not the religio-homophobo-potentialo-parento they want their clientele to be.

And then I started seeing all kinds of ads for smaller, more specialized sites (haven't seen the one for "Gay Bear Dating" in ages; I'm assuming they're extinct now), and my first thought was "Finally! Somebody has figured out that us non-mainstreamers would like to meet someone, too!" But that was another error, because there simply don't seem to be enough non-mainstreamers in any given category to sustain a viable dating site.

Just because someone meets another person's criteria, it doesn't mean they're necessarily going to hit it off. It's going to be different for different people.

First, I miss the bears they were easy on the eyes from a gals perspective.

Second, I cant sing, I won't harmonise. For the outragious price they want to get to talk to anyone, I would have better odds standing on a street corner waving a twenty begging a guy to take me out. So I kept my hard earned moola.

I don't have any issues with Neil Clark Warren's agenda of trying to keep his site and its membership in alignment with standard Christian morals, etc. It's his site and he can run it however he wants. I just wish he was a little more up front about it....

On the other hand, once I saw the really scary people in the TV commercials, I knew that was not the site for me, anyway....

I have noticed this everywhere, not just dating sites.

The generic Prince Charming, Really Honest, Sweet, Romantic, etc.. just really kind of throws me. I mean is anyone out there actually looking for "Self Absorbed Jerk", "Total Liar", "Player" & "Abuser"?

Those to me are kind of common sense qualities that for the most part all of us are seeking, so for me it goes without saying. But I think that talking with some people, and finding out a bit more of what they are interested in, such as someone who travels, loves board games, historical buff, reenacts the Police Academy movies for their neighbors, etc. that many of the times when they talk to that person, they reject them upon some unknown value all the same. I won't say it is like that always, because obviously a lot of people meet that way, but I have seen a trend in many cases with it as well. This goes for both men and women. I have had several women I have met who claimed they were looking for someone exactly like me, but when it comes to talking to me or getting to know me, suddenly that is not what they are seeking at all anymore. I mean if you are not interested, so be it... but how do you know without getting to know me?

Personally I just put what I am about in my profile, what I am looking for and forget about it. It is not the end of my world if no one bothers with it. I cannot face someone as who I am, present myself as what they are seeking, and then be someone else because suddenly they are seeking something else. For me that is a form of false advertising, or just another form of insincere statement. It is not that big of a deal to me as the world is built upon them everywhere you look.

For example, Dominoes new cheesy bread comes to mind. What a rip off!

I just.....

Look at the pictures!!!

I guess what I don't get is why assume someone is going to be into you (generic you) simply because you have the qualities they're looking for? There could be several people out there who have the qualities I'm looking for and common interests, but it doesn't mean I'm going to be interested in all of them.

I feel like there's no black and white to this.

Grey areas are the answer here. People like what they like. Its a shame we're not honest with ourselves about it.

And that makes sense. But my point is, if you meet someone who has the qualities of someone you may be interested in, would you just suddenly decide you do not like those particular qualities anymore? Or furthermore, would you choose not to at least see what they are really about before making a split decision?

I fully believe there has to be more to it than simple interests and such... but if I say I am interested in talking to someone about a particular kind of music, then if someone contacts me wanting to discuss that, I will gladly give them the time of day. However, that does not always seem to be the way the rest of the world works.